. Thanks for Acting like you Cared .

Last night I had a dream. I dreamt I called him up to talk and he just acted like he didn't care. Well, it wasn't an act, I guess. He just didn't care. To make matters worse, our mutual friend was laughing in the background, I think.

When I came to school, my life had a plan. Not even a month later it all fell apart.

No apartment in San Antonio. No housewarming gift with whiskers.

Sometimes, I wish the phone would just ring. For anything. A hello.

It's good to know the constant in my life is I'm just not good enough for anybody.

This is a moment of weakness, yes. I'll be fine later, but damn, I deserve to be weak just like everyone else too, right? I feel like I always have to be the one keeping it together.

I thought coming back to school was what I wanted but I'm not happy. It has just served to confuse me more. Do I want to go to college? The short answer is no, not really.

I like the people I've met here. They're good kids, but they can't help me.

I fought really hard to overcome all the feelings that had consumed me when I was still at OLLU, and yet I feel some of them again. It's an isolated feeling that just continues growing. I feel like I'm just running in place. It's not so bad yet. I'm not thinking....those kind of thoughts.

I hope I never go back to that because I don't think I'd make it out alive.