I'm sorry I havn't been around recently. Exams and dance are out of control right now! But great news!!! I past two of my smaller gw's! I've lost 20 lbs! I know that it will be really hard to maintain because I've lost the weight by not eating/sleeping + working out everyday. But I'll figure it out. One of my dance teachers congratulated me on how good i was looking- i almost started crying I was so happy. So its time for the next/possibly the last push- 10 lbs more.

Sorrry this update can't be longer. I need to finish a paper before dance. I'll update more soon!!

1.8 pounds from my goal! The bad thing is that I went out last night. Two of my best friends got raided by the black & whites and I got really upset and ran around awhile. Broke out the yay. I wasn't even down to go out. I just hung out with a few friends and got fucked up. I only took 1 shot though- not much alchohol was consumed, which Im pumped about. The worst part was I downed MAD ciggs. Nearly a pack last night alone! Thanksfully I as bumbin a bit. So yeah, my lungs feel like shit so its not even worth going for a run. No dance tonight. No point in going to yoga till Im better either. I need to chill with the ciggs pronto!

I have already seen results from my - no eating infront of anyone til I loose 10lb- plan. I think because people have so much going on right now they wont notice too much. Obviously Sam is going to be the hardest bullet to dodge. ok ok I had sex with bad boy 2 from the other night. WTF Pipa! I know. He was hot, he was huge... and still not good at all. The thing is, I think he has a beautiful voice and the boy can certainly play a guitar. He has moments when he's actually charming. Others when he appeals to my sympathies. I feel like I just got the joke that everyone's been laughing at since freshman year. He is a total fucking act. I am just relieved that I'm laughing too. The only time he gets to me is when he reinforms me of how chill he his but that he doesn't think he wants another relationship right now... possibly ever. I tell him that that really is not a problem for me and laugh to myself. He brings it up again when we're walking and I link arms. The boy actually flinched. I reacted and pulled away and he made is arm available again- telling me he just isnt really used to touching another person like that. WTF we just had sex you cant link arms with me? I was laughing in my head again and he just said- what are you doing to me? and smiled. He's always saying that and smiling. He needs to understand that I am not DOING anything TO him other than listening to music and fucking him- either of which he should feel free not to partake in. He needs to know that even if he wanted me, he couldn't have me. I am not available like that at this time. Besides, his personality sucks. I hate talking to him alone when he gets self conscious and keeps asking me "what?" every fucking time I look at him or smile.













*Once again, "pro-ana" is not what I'm about. I want to be beautiful. I was to be thin, I want my bones to show, I want to be light, I want perfection. Anorexia is a disease that makes you like the living dead- your body is fucking rotting. Your not beautiful and floating. You are decomposing while your organs try oh so very hard to hold on. That shit is wack. How can you be perfect when your a living corpse. Im not totally sure the details of wannarexia but its funny and it sounds like those girls know whats up. They don't want to be anorexic really- just perfect and beautiful. So they look to inspire themselves and the closest thing to a name that they have given us perfection chacers is -wannarexia. Well, as long as it isnt a name that describes me as the living dead im down. Control, restriction, exorcise --> perfection. It is harder than not eating at all, but we are the hottest.

oh, and don't call us dieters. this is more than a diet, it is a lifestyle. we are obsessively chasing perfection.












*I'm 5'9 and when I was 115 I still thought I was too fat to tell anyone I had a problem. I was sure people would be thinking that. The starving are always a little crazier than the rest. Love it.