This whole week went really slow. Maybe I just have spring fever. Or... Is it possible to have “sophomore-itis?” Eh, truth is that I’ve spent most of this week thinking about Corey.
It’s been a year...
He told his parents that he didn’t feel good. He stayed home. They left to go to work.
what would have happened if his parents decided to stay home, too? Sadly, they probably ask themselves that question everyday.
What about the people that saw him the last day he was in school? Everyone said he acted “normal.” They probably live in regret that they didn’t take notice to what was coming.
But, how did anyone know what was coming. It was a shock to us all. Those who knew him, and those who didn’t.
People shouldn’t be blaming themselves for something that they had no control over.
Last year Bobby Petrocelli came to our school, and talked to us about how 15 seconds could change our lives forever. I constantly wonder what difference 15 more seconds would have made. When Corey was holding the gun, what was he thinking? I can’t imagine what someone is thinking right before they kill themselves. Would 15 seconds have been enough to make him change his mind? To make him realize that suicide is not the answer? That its only a long term solution for a short term problem and whatever was bugging him could be fixed? It’s hard to say.
I still don’t understand suicide. I just don’t get it. The concept itself seems so silly to me. Then again I love life. We all go through hard times, we all struggle, we all have those days where we feel like we can’t go on. We all have those days where we feel unimportant, as if the world could go on without us. But, we always make through. There will always be a silver lining to a dark and stormy cloud. All we have to do is search for it. Sometimes it will be harder then others, but it’ll always be there. You have the choice to love life. Make that choice. Don’t think that you have forever, you don’t. Life really is amazing. Make the most of it.
I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That God has a purpose for everything, and that good can come out of anything. A lot of people seem to get mad at God when bad things happen. They tend to ask “why?” My theory is to not as “why” but “why not?” God knows what he’s doing.
One thing that I’ll never forget is how it felt coming back the Monday after Corey killed himself. It all seemed surreal to me. I kept hoping that everything I was seeing on TV wasn’t real. That it was nothing but a bad night mare. It wasn’t until Monday that it hit me. It was so quiet. I never heard our school that silent. There was a sense of Unity in the air. We realized that all of the Drama and Petty-things from the previous week no longer mattered. We realized that we really need to appreciate things around us, because they won’t always last. Numerous people asked me that day how i was. I never knew how to answer the question. I was saddened by what happened- Not just by Corey’s actions, but by how many people it affected. Truth is, I was good. I had nothing in my life to complain about, but at the same time i felt guilty for being good.
There’s some moments in your life that you’ll never forget where you were when it happened. For me, this is one of those moments. The day I found out Corey was missing, I was at a friends house. We were having a jolly time doing silly things. Later that night, I found out that Corey was dead. I remember feeling an enormous amount of guilt for having fun while something so horrible had happened. It wasn’t until a few months later that I realized that I need to let it go. Not Corey. But the guilt I was putting upon myself. I had no control for what he did, and i can’t be blaming myself. You shouldn’t blame yourself either. Corey wouldn’t want us to be sad. He’d want us to be happy. Corey’s looking down on us, let him be able to look down and see smiles from those that he loves.
That first week back after his death was really tough. Seeing so many people in tears. It’s amazing the impact that one person can have on so many people. Even those who didn’t know him. It really made me want to make the most out of life. To let my true colors shine through all of the time. To show compassion to everyone, even to those who i didn’t know. To reach out to those who needed it and make people be the best that they can be.
My friend’s Grandma recently passed away. She said that she feel’s guilty for being sad. Her grandma is in heaven, so why isn’t she happy? She came to the conclusion that we’re selfish. We want people to be with God, but only as long as they can still be with us. We should be happy for Corey. He’s now playing football for the best team there is. At the same time, we can’t help but be sad. We can’t help but want him back.

I had the chance to go to Corey’s grave late last year. I went with someone who considered Corey her best friend. We brought flowers to leave there for him. While we were there the flowers randomly started falling off of the stems. I then started just taking the rest of the petals off, so on the ground there was a bunch of petals and i was left holding stems in my hand. We ended up taking the petals and spelled out “we love you, Corey.” Looking back on it, I can’t help but wonder what people driving past must have thought seeing people sitting in the cemetery playing with flower petals. The memory itself is something that makes me smile. When Corey was at her house one time, she asked him to do arts and crafts with her (they were younger at the time.) Well Corey wasn’t really the arts and crafts type of person, so he said no. My friend later said that looking back on that day at the cemetery makes her smile - She finally got to do arts and crafts with Corey.
It seems as if a lot of people have forgotten about him, but they haven’t. They may not always think of April 29 as the day Corey killed himself. They shouldn’t have to. But, they’ll be times when you’ll randomly think of him. (like when you see the # 15, or you’re at a football game) And those that knew him personally will never forget him. He’s had such an impact on everyone. If you ask 5 people who Corey was, you’ll get 5 different answers. He was so many things to so many different people. He was a son, a brother, a team mate, a student, a classmate, a friend, a star, and now an angel.

Note : I’ve gotten a lot of people thanking me for making this xanga for him. To me, it seems like the least that I could do. It’s amazing how something so simple can impact so many people. 101 people are subscribed and continue to subscribe everyday.

I didn’t know Corey so there’s not much that I can say about him. I didn’t create this xanga for me. I created it for Corey and those that he impacted. His life was cut short yet he lived such a legacy. Although he’s not here, He’s still living even after his death. It’s up to you to let the memories live on. His parents couldn’t have been more right when they said he’s “a great young man, destined for greatness.”

Thanks to Shanny894 for making this layout.  It's greatly appreciated. I appreciate you. =)