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Cpiritual27
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Name: Eric
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Birthday: 2/26/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Friends, soccer, poker, snowboarding, bowling, chemistry, Kelly, and all in all just havin' a good time
Expertise: One day biochemistry, hopefully
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  sabercom27
Member Since:
10/9/2004
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| It's kind of funny. Here I have a situation in front of me which is supposed to break me, and suddenly I feel stronger. Well, maybe not stronger persay, but definitely different. I feel like I can see things more clearly now, without the narrow restrictions that once clouded my vision. I've gone from crying until nausea to realizing that there are new doors in front of me, not locked like I once thought but in fact ready to be opened.
I had a good talk last night with an unlikely source, and he helped me to realize that things could be a lot worse. What if this happened to me when I was already married and had kids?? What would I do then?? But no, I'm only 21 years old and my best days are ahead of me. Yes, I still have my ups and my downs from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. And unfortunately the downs still greatly outnumber the ups, and yeah, this still really hurts.
But I know that from all of this I'm a newer, better person. Eric, Version 2.0. I'm sorry to everyone that I offended before now. I have a different grasp on life now than I had back then, and so I apologize to everyone who was stuck dealing with the "old" me. It's just time to move forward. I'll always have the memories, but a brand new day starts today, and I'll be damned if I'm not going to live it. Wish me luck!!
<3 Kelly 5/24/02 - 7/1/05 <3
Unconditional Love Always and Forever | | |
| This is probably the type of irony I'd appreciate a lot more, if only things weren't the way they were. You see it's funny, because I always used to laugh to myself a little when I would see people bearing their heart and soul online, for anyone and everyone to see. However, I now see that my scorn stemmed from the fact that I had a wonderful person with whom I could share anything. Xanga therefore was relegated to being used for catching up with friends, and occasionly filling people in on the happenings of my life. Well, 3+ years of exclusive confidentiality with someone doesn't exactly leave you with too many people to turn to for help when you suddenly need someone else, so I, in fact, have decided to bear my innermost feelings here...
I'm going to cut to the chase: last night Kelly, my girlfriend of over three years, decided she wanted to move on in life. Yeah, it hurt, still hurts, and will continue to hurt for a long time. I mean, she was my everything, and when she left, I basically felt like nothing; still do. Everything else going on in my life right now all of a sudden seems meaningless, and I'm honestly wondering how I'm going to get by on a day-to-day basis...
...And the funny thing is that I'm not mad at all. Kelly was an absolutely incredible girlfriend, the best I could ever hope for. I really thought we were going to be together forever, happy for the rest of our lives. Her sudden change of heart is in no way going to change how I view her as a person, because I refuse to do her that disservice...
...This is just unfamiliar territory, because I've never had an "amicable" breakup before. I guess there's a strange comfort in breaking up with someone, then waking up the next morning and realizing you hate them with a passion. This isn't one of those cases. I still love Kelly with all of my heart, and that just makes it so hard. It's hard knowing that I don't want this woman out of my life, and that breakup or no breakup, she's still my best friend. But I just don't have it in me to feel malice for someone so beautiful in body and mind...
...I want to believe that this isn't the end. I believe in fate and karma, and those two things would seem to dictate to me that something positive will happen. But I just feel such a sense of realism and finality about this, and that's hard to swallow. Nevertheless, I just want to thank you Kelly. You graced my life with your presence for over three years, and I've never known happier times. You're going to make someone incredibly happy for a long time, and while I pray helplessly it might still be me, I take some strange solace in the fact that someone's life will be exponentially bettered for your being in it...
...As for me, well, I need to start picking up the pieces of this emotional wreckage. I have friends and family, and I know that Kelly will be here for me every step of the way. I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I need to promise to myself that I'll make every attempt for this to turn out positively.
"Kelly"
A sight to see
~Radiantly~
Your beauty DiViNe
Entrancing me
Every detail
This Fairytale
up in smoke
-or so it may seem-
*Sweet* memories
worth it all
FrEEfaLL
from the .heavens.
It Hurts
(but no worse)
Than never getting to know you at all.
"...Just some words of advice,
Maybe you've heard them before but here goes,
Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know.
Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go..." | | |
| bored? why do you ask?
( ) ever smoked marijuana
( ) madeout with a member of the same sex
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) dumped someone
(x) shoplifted
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from the internet
(x) been moshing at a concert
( ) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(x) been in an abusive relationship
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by (clouds stars whatever)
(x) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle (gotta love the beach)
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
( ) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
( ) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
( ) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
( ) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you would never do
(x) played air guitar
(x) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care(cared) about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) worn pearls
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more then 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn’t take a shower for a week
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies
( ) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) been told your beautiful by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) watched porn
( ) made porn
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone’s name
(x) slept naked
( ) French braided someone’s hair
1. name: Eric
2. single or taken: taken
3. sex: male
4. birthday: Feb. 26, 1984 (yeah, i'm legal...woo)
5. sign: pisces
6. siblings: sister
7. hair color: pretty plainly brown
8. eye color: all pretty and blue
9. height: 6'2"
10. weight: 183 (i gained somehow??)
11. nicknames: kid
12: shoe size: 12
13. big or small: yes
14. age: 21
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: yeah...myself
2. smoked?: those things will kill ya
3. bungee jumped?: not yet
4. made yourself throw up?: am i a cheerleader?
6. ever been in love?: right now in fact
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble: no i have a penis
8. pictured your crush naked?: am i a male?
9. actually seen your crush naked?: kinky
10. cried when someone died?: i'm tragically numb to such things
11. lied: human nature
12. fallen for your best friend?: right after i stepped out of the closet
13. been rejected?: uh-huh
14. rejected someone?: believe it or not yet
15. used someone?: not really
16. done something you regret?: aren't you forgetting how perfect i am?
of course by writing this semblance of an actual entry down here, i'm ensuring that nobody will actually read it, but meh. their loss. so yeah, life has been pretty good, albeit uneventful, lately. my week break at home was great...got to catch up w/ some ppl as well as spend some quality time w/ kelly. my first week back at UD has been good, cept that i've had a raging sinus infection the whole time...i think i'm finally getting better at least. research has been treatin me pretty well thus far, so no complaints...i think i'm finally gonna start lifting again, which i would've done last week if not for the sickness. the living situation is pretty sweet, and everyone from home should def. come down here at least once. in slightly sadder news, let's have a moment of silence for my little fishies who passed on...peach (one of my carney goldfish) and senor, the llama...they were good little critters, and amused me greatly...hopefully they're enjoying that big fishbowl in the sky  . anyways, the future holds a lot of the same...work work and more work!! kelly's comin down next saturday, and the parental units and grandparental unit are visiting sunday for a bit...should be good times...well, that's all for now...perhaps i won't wait 1/2 a month before the next entry, but i promise nothing...later. | | |
| ever have one of those nites where you're tired but you just don't want to go to sleep? yeah, that's pretty much what's goin on w/ me right now...and i know i should go to sleep, seeing as my sleep habits since i've returned home have been mildly retarded and all. but hey, i made my choice, so here i am typing!!
so i got home last friday nite around midnite...def. thought i would get home before then, but life has a strange way of altering your plans like that every now and again. kelly was nice enough to stay up and greet me upon my arrival, and she was even kind enough to help me unpack my car!! what a doll   so i spent some quality time w/ her over the next couple of days, and then had some friends over late sunday nite to watch "lock, stock and two smoking barrels." def. an awesome movie, and to be honest, i'm finding a hard time thinking of any bad movies that vinnie jones has ever been in...same goes for jason statham...just two, crazy british actors!!
kelly's family had a "cookout" on memorial day, which was fun...good times and good food, quite an unbeatable combination!! the only bad thing was i smacked my head really hard on the overhang above her staircase...man, i think i just stood there, stunned for like 5-10 seconds, and then accused her brother of throwing something down the steps at me!! then, upon realizing that most rational ppl don't throw bricks down the steps, i realized what had happened...or, perhaps that just corresponded directly to me regaining full mental faculties long story short, that hurt like a motherfucker, but it's all good now...however, i was kinda worried about getting a concussion, especially since we went out that nite for my friend jamie's 21st bday extravaganza...a couple of things i remember from that nite (aside from him getting completely wasted) included the complete "tool" (okay so we used a diff. word...) at denny's, as well as limited theorizing about the plot of "revenge of the sith." ahh, drunken ramblings, always a good time lol. i didn't actually have too much to drink, however...ya kno, the whole thing about not knowing if i had a concussion and not wanting the alcohol to thin my blood...you know, that old chestnut...
so i went to see the afore-mentioned "revenge of the sith" again on tuesday w/ jamie...def. a great movie!! then later that nite i hung out w/ my friend brenna from work...had a good time w/ her at the now-redneck nazo pool hall, as well as reminiscing about the past couple summers. wednesday nite was spent at the nazo carnival w/ erika and meseroll, where i won a "fleet" of 6 goldfish (the ping pong ball toss game)...then kelly, jamie and melissa joined us for some fun at the nazo diner...then meseroll, kelly, jamie and melissa had to leave, but werner, jaime, ricky and katie joined erika and i for a movie at my house...watched the original "the longest yard," which apparently was sposed to be really good, but i didn't think much of it...i had more fun pretending that instead of burt reynolds acting, norm macdonald was pretending to be burt reynolds...think SNL, giant cowboy hat lol. good times...
so i hung out w/ kelly most of today...played some mini golf and went clothes shopping and whatnot...oh, and of course watched the OC. tomorrow will be spent possibly going into the high school to see the daft one herself, rakos. then at nite i think millheim might have ppl up at his new place, so that should be cool...then just hafta do some packing, as i leave for UD on sunday...didn't i just leave there?? oh well, research is pretty cool, and no classes=good times, so i'm kinda lookin forward to it.
well, that's about all i have for now, except for one last thing...bought two more fish earlier this week (this was before winning the goldfish armada)...so everyone give a kind, internet welcome to rusty (the small fry lookalike) and senor (the llama-llama-loncus...yeah i can't pronounce it's name)...hopefully they can brave the trip down to UD in the plastic twizzler container w/ excellence and valor 
alright, i'll post next sometime after i'm back in UD...hopefully we'll have some parties over the summer, so everyone plan on visiting at least once!! until then, later!! | | |
| RIP Fluffy, 5/22/05  | | |
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