i dont care..

im done..

OVER IT.

yep.

well, HEELLLOOO.. didya miss me?

once again, im not really a big fan of guys.. i mean, they're great and all.. my best friend is marryin one tomorrow. an AMAZING guy, at that. however... i just dont understand ME and guys.. i really dont. i promise im not lookin for my mr. right. i promise i dont want a SERIOUS relatoinship.. i just wanna date, have fun, cuddle.. CONNECT with a man. anything.. just something to keep me occupied when im not workin..ha. i promise im not TRYING to find someone.. i promise that it always just happens. and then it ends.. just like that. and its not like im all over the dude.. its not like i tell him i want to marry him and have his babies. i dont, i PROMISE. ..it just doesnt work. and i know, i know.. one day, it will and ill realize why it didnt work out with all the other dudes.. but i really just want something fun with someone fun NOW. something that lasts more than a month.. someone to have long late night convos with.. someone to crack open a beer and watch ESPN with.. someone to bring me soup when im sick.. someone to keep me warm when its cold.. someone who reminds me that im not alone and that im cared for..

wanna hear my most recent disapointment? (aka "man"..) over the past month or so, ive reconnected with an old high school friend and we're closer than ever.. we hang out every weekend, mostly in philly, cuz thats where her bf lives. her bf has a ton of hott friends.. one of his friends i connected with.. or i thought i did. we have so much fun on the weekends.. and then during the week, i barely hear from him.. its like he doesnt even try to keep in touch.

ok, so maybe im overreacting (as i ALWAYS do..DUH.) but i guess it would be nice to have a normal friendship with at least ONE dude that i feel a connection with.  i mean, maybe i just dont understand men AT ALL and all this that i experience with them is normal and i guess i shouldnt take it personal.. but honestly, women do take it personal, we ALWAYS do. ..or at least I always do. and it always hurts..

am i missin something here..??

..i guess i just get WAY too involved with people and relatoinships with them..

LOL... you guys crack me up. the fact that my house looked so dark and gloomy was not the point.. haha.  but thats why i love you so. thanks for givin me a smile.  and melli.. I LOVE YOU TOO. MWAH!

ok.. so here's a question and im really interested to hear what everyone has to say.. if/when you get married (or even if you're already married) what guidelines would u give (or gave) your future spouse to follow during his/her bacholer/ette party??

..i mean, i was watchin a segment on them on tv today.. and i would LOVE for my guy to have a nice pizza party at chuck-e-cheese or something.. ha. but if its his last night of freedom, i guess flirting with girls and having fun wouldnt be bad.. (i understand the need to, TRUST ME. ha.) but i would hate it if he crossed the line and i never knew or if i did find out and it ruined everything.. that happens ALL the time..  and all that is over in a second over a stoopid drunken night where the guy made one wrong move or the girl overreacts about his last night of freedom..

thoughts???

well.. looks like i have a total of a whopping TWO people as my xanga audience.. but they love me enough to leave me comments.. and i love them enough to keep them entertained and updated.. so here goes..

im still sick.. apperantly i have strep. the dr gave me penicilin and i took it on an empty stomach (the container said that was ok..)  but i guess its not. cuz about an hour later, i was throwin up the two bites of oatmeal i shoved down my throat after i took the pill. yeeea.. i guess you do need to eat in order to take that thing.. no more oatmeal for me.. but yea.. today was a bad day.. i cant shake off this queasy feelin i get cuz my throat kinda tastes funky.. so i havent eaten much lately.. just soup, bread, and crackers. we'll see if im hungry later on tonight..

and then theres the fact that i just found out im a lot poorer than i thought i was (that mt job has done a toll on me..)  and i need to pick up a couple of shifts at CB.. *sighs* here comes more stress.

and like ive said before, my rents arent exactly the best to be around when you're sick or down.. they never seem to let up. booo.

soo.. yea, not a good day.

but then i pulled up to my house and i realized that the street light out front of our house was out again.. and it was dark, that kinda stunk, it made our house look dead, lonely, and gloomy.. but then i looked up and for once i could actually see the stars.. the full moon.. i guess life gets like that sometimes.. dark.. but you can always see the stars..

so im tryin not to stress..

im SO SICK..

****************************

maybe i have strep??