| basically i played a joke on my friend toma on aim.
Cerberusx104: www.meatspin.com
Sp00nB16: fag
Cerberusx104: hahahahahaha
Sp00nB16: ming sent me that too
Sp00nB16: that bastard
Sp00nB16: u guys
Cerberusx104: lol stupid
Cerberusx104: oo shit
Cerberusx104: i forgot
Cerberusx104: ther's this thing right
Sp00nB16: huh?
Cerberusx104: u can trace phones n shit
Cerberusx104: hella crazy
Sp00nB16: what the hell?
Cerberusx104: yea sreiously
Cerberusx104: http://www.phonetrace.org/
Sp00nB16: no way
Cerberusx104: yea try it out
Sp00nB16: HAHAHAHA
Sp00nB16: U BASTARD
Sp00nB16: HAHAHAHAH
Cerberusx104: HAHAHAHA
Sp00nB16: LMAO
Cerberusx104: u like that huh
Sp00nB16: i was like how come it says something about sex in the bottom of the page
Cerberusx104: hahahaahha
Sp00nB16: HAHAHAHA
Cerberusx104: ima save this LOL
Sp00nB16: it has a persons face on it too HAHAHA
Sp00nB16: thats funny
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| 2 months...2:28am
It's strange..
It's been exactly 2 months since my mom passed away. That and it being almost half hour ago.
The doctors told us that she only had months to live. She ended up being under the Hospice program. The months that went by I was her primary caregiver.
My mom had 2 things. I don't exactly know how to pronounce it. One was Histoplasmosis and Some kind of immune disorder or fungal infection. Could be the same or whatever i don't know. The thing was that both of what she had can be cured. But the shittiest part was that both of the medications canceled each other out.
A monk, two of my brother-in-laws,dad and all the siblings except my brother was here to witness my mom die. My brother had wasn't able to be around because his wifes dad got into a really bad car accident shattering two disc in his neck on the same day.
After mom died we sat next to her, talked to her, told her how much we love her.
We had the funeral about a little less than a week later at a Mortuary on Market St near Castro since it was the closest one to the house. It was really difficult to see the people that came in to pick up my moms body and cover a tarp over her and put her in the back of a van. My dad wanted ride and sit in the van with my mom .
There's too much to type.
After the mortuary everyone gathered back at the house and started to sort through the house and throw away moms cloths. I just laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling thinkin' about mom in denial that she died. After everything was done, everyone went to go do their own thing. Coming home a few hours later felt really eerie. I came back home by myself to take a shower and get a new change of cloths. I was so used to coming home hearing a TV on or a blowdryer on that my mom usually use to keep herself warm. So i showered and changed quick. It was difficult to walk or look in my moms room.
I stayed out the whole night and stayed over my friends house cause i didn't want to go back home. My dad ended up stayin' over at my sis's place.
We had the funeral about a week later and cremated her. Many people showed to pay respect. I didn't cry at all at the wake but i did when they were putting my mom in the crematory. I guess that was where it hit me that I'll never see my mom as a whole.
Over the last 2 months, my oldest sister Thienna and my brother in law Gene decided to move in with my dad and I in the house so it didn't feel empty. Lots of remodeling and rearranging.
We also had a family meeting to decide the fate of the store. Either sell the place or keep the place running. We decided to keep the store since we know there's a lot of potential. So now.. My dad and I have been running the store.
Business has been kinda slow but we're trying to stay open more consistent. Because we always had to close because of moms condition. I'm sure that customers got upset because they weren't sure if we were open or not. My bro and I are planning to change some of the inventory because most of the stuff we have are traditional. 24K, 18K. Get some new more modern jewelry. See how that goes. I'm considering to get some stainless steel jewelry. I seen a bunch and man.. those are nice. I like the industrial look. It's like something my generation would wear.
But other than that. Lots of things changed. I still think of mom sometimes. I still kick myself in the ass. Like there were times i got really frustrated with her. Also got really upset. I wish i didn't. I was just angry because i hated to see my mom not getting better. Now what she's not here anymore i feel like i hate myself for being like that. Right now I'm sitting here kicking myself about my actions than her passing. I feel so stupid. I look at my baby pictures seeing my mom carrying me around taking care of me. It was my turn to take care of her and i feel like i did a shitty job. I was still in denial that she was gonna die. Because a similar incident happened 2 years ago and she manage to make it through. So i thought oh this will just pass on like last time.
I dunno i must be over thinking about things like the way i always do.
I know my mom always loved me because she said it to me in English.
Heh.. the earliest vision i remember my mom was when she took me to Golden Gate Park to this garden. I remember that day..that moment. Still have that picture...If i ever get a chance to scan it I'll post it up.
Alright.. it's gettin' late. Gotta run the store tomorrow.
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| 10/31/50 - 1/6/07 2:10am
I Love You Mom.
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