Letter to Daffy

Bagel? bagel? bagel? bagel? [the noise Daffy makes when he's pretending to be a bottle of wine being poured.]

Two days until my Birthday.

there's nothing for me to want this year. -or at least nothing for me to get. But If I were king..

I suppaose I would ask for an airhog remote controlled hellicopter, a dancefloor of incredible pennmanship that converts easily into a poolhouse complete with bed, art storage, fridge, and soundproof walls for recording the screaming, aaaand I'd ask for a computer screen tablet for the use of animating and painting computer art, a camera to capture the memories and the beauty, ....and alot of other small things that every young da vinci needs, but I haven't the time to think about them this morning.

and lastly I would desire Imortality.
such as that of a vampire, but no bloody nagging thirst, just everlasting youth and the comforting thought that I have time for everything that I could ever want to do.

but it's not true... The question is what would I do tomorrow if I was immortal?? What would be the first thing?

"This is the first day of my life,"
~Matthew

Letter to Stephaine

Hehe companion, (I've missed you.) ..[le sigh] I've felt guilty cause I've been talking to this religous lady in Michigan instead of making time for you instead. Damn famales always keeping me up past my bedtime! ..I'm not without my vices [holds up a vice clamped onto my finger ..jk] I seem to have this compulsion to make new friends and lend my time to these fruitless friendships! and no offense to friendshipss, but from a business point of view their taking up all my time and ruining my life! When I'm talking to her I'm upset that I'm not talking to you, and when I'm on the internet talking to ANYONE I'm upset that I'm not being responsible enough to sleep or work on some ingenious plan to save the world. ..I'm so selfish. [but don't pity me just yet, I'm only stating the facts dear.]

You're a student?? mymymy. Learning about the art of art. I highly reccomend it. Though it hasn't brought me any success or anything thus far, I think art is something that few people understand or respect anymore. (Swines..) Most importantly follow your heart where it leads you and try not to mind your head much (except when passing under low hanging chandeliers or low door frames, Please mind your head.) It's all about a healthy balance.

I'll try to talk to you more often, I care about you and it hurts both of us when I neglect you. I'm also going to be trying to generally talk to people less and get strictly organized, and maybe only go online at least one day a week -during the day- but not much more than that. I've been blowing off my responsibilities night after sleepless night and it's destroying me.

There are so many moments in every day where I would do anything for a hug. I feel sore and drawn and every time I close my eyes to blink I can see that hug.. that perfect hug that no one's ever had before where the feeling is surreal and deeply soft and beautiful. More satisfying than restful sleep and more fulfilling than any kind words and more comforting than any other act. That one true hug is all anyone should ever want, because it's all that anyone ever needs. ..if I could have one of those hugs every day ..I'd love everyday till the last one.

[hug]
~Matthew

Letter to Sara

Ryan's a nutbag, I consider him my best friend but I haven't talked to him in over a month or something crazy. I'm trying out this new thing that I call a "normal schedule." I'm very close to being a person with regular eating and sleeping habits. I need to work out deals where I write to the Ryan guy early in the day and keep in touch cause I'm starting to feel bad for deserting him.

So don't be sorry about friends. Friends come and go, but now thanks to facebook we can still stalk eachother long after we're forgotten! yay. I'm the worst, I'm like a hermit now I don't even reply my messages much. (well, on Myspace at least, haaa suckas!)

It sounds like you've got your life on a good track there lady, keep up the good work! wow! and Tim sounds awesome -Mawage!? I have a brother getting married this year it's like the popular thing to do lately.

I've sworn off of marriage though, I'm on a mission to save the world and stuff, I'm still working out the particulars of said-mission, but I feel strongly that everything else in the world is more important than me and everything that I could gain for myself is obsolete compared to the small and large differences that I could make. But I'm a very distractable person, so I think I'll do far better staying away from woman and sticking to business.

Less than two months ago I quit Blockbuster at the end of three years with them and ..I guess I just didn't want to make it four. So that was a nice victory for me in my eyes, and now I'm a full time starving artist. (fake liberty woo!) Recently there are dissenting voices saying that I need to get a job immediately to pay for monthly healthcare in the near future.. I'm working hard to remedy the situation by using the POWER of ART! ..sweeeeet [malice hands]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. That stuff's hard. I know what it's like to have the world around you falling apart and ..feeling like you're stuck in your own blissfull private bubble, completely untouched by tradegedy or discomfort. I don't think people have the same view on death that I do. I'm unnaturally cavalier about it. The fact that I'm alive is coupled with the fact that I'm going to die, it's a certainty. I don't see why other people don't get it. If you can't control it, or avoid it, there's no point in fearing or regretting it. If you're alive, there's no such thing as being a innocent bystander, or a victim of death, everyone's guilty of being alive and death is just the slap on the wrist after you get caught with your hand in the cookie jar. I have no sympathy for anyone who dies, cause I'm like, "You were alive! what did you expect?!"  ..ahh sweet insanity.

So yeah, I'd just been thinking about you, Ryan and I deeply considered going to Otakon this year. We decided that we were going to be monsters from Silent Hill. Ryan was going to be Colin: the tortured Janitor with his feet tied to the back of his head (the character really appealed to him because of the distinct similarity to Voldo,) and I was going to be "Lying Figure" the armless wiggly man who spits black acid on the cop lady in the movie, my favorite character of all. But we decided not to go this year. Sometimes I wonder if he thought he'd miss you too much and maybe it made him apethetic about the whole idea, but officially, in the end we realized that we're too busy to make it work this year, I know I haven't had any time for luxuries, and I'm on my last dime I wouldn't have had moeny for costume supplies and certainly not money for gas to go there and back again. Maybe next year when I have a car that runs on water (like Jesus! -walking on water? -running? similar?) -on water instead of gasoline. Everything's possible with the ambition to persue anything.

So yeah, as July approaches I've been thinkin' about you more, wonderin' how it goes. I'm glad to hear things are going good. I have the greatest admiration and faith in people as super smart and ambitious as you. Rock on.

Buddy,
~Matthew

Hint of yay for freedom

Apathetic. Maybe the movies I've seen today made me this way. Either my standards are higher or they just weren't all too impresive. I saw the new Indianna Jones movie which was interesting in it's own way but didn't make me crap my pants with excitement or anything. and then tonight we watched this Sally Field movie called Absence of Malice which was decent for a movie about newspapers, but still didn't crap my pants.

I need to decide what to do next. I don't have work anymore to eventually come around each week and make me feel useful. I've got to make myself useful on my own nowadays. I've been dreading this next painting. The last two were garbage. I like to tell myself that I won't get discouraged but then, surprise, I do.

From there I can shake loose and make a sculpture, and write a book and take off down the road called World Domination.

Pray I meet monsters of every kind along the way,
~Matthew

180

I have to wonder if God reads my blogs. Today was the exact opposite of the day before. Everything was exactly how I would have wanted it. Like the day was tailormade for me. It just goes to show that ...good things come to those who wait.

~Matthew