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Crip_Dis_shit
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Name: Jotham
Country: United States
Birthday: 2/18/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: MUSICsleepingwritingHobby Modeling
Expertise: Your comfort shoulder
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/18/2004
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| Once again, I'm starting to lose my faith and patience towards God. I know there are a lot of people who can understand what I mean when I say that. We all know that this road is tough and its hard to continue because our lives are filled with so many distractions and excuses from left to right. I have no idea what I'm writing about anymore. Simply put, I want to complain, because complaining feels good (sometimes). I want to place my blame towards God and the situations hes made me go through and experience. I've never felt so helpless in my life to the point where I've come to blame God.
I know, its totally useless.
But I want to blame somebody...someone, for what I've been through and who else better to blame than God? No, of course not, but the pain of realizing these faults are too heavy for me, so in the end I still turn to God and I ask for more strength but in the end I don't have enough and I never will have enough or even close to having enough strength. So, I'll keep praying and praying and praying and praying to find answers for questions that I don't even know whats to be questioned of. This is what I feared the most, the difficulty of reaching out to Jesus. The day I've decided to live by his words, this path, my lifestyle has become difficult to sought out.
And in the end, all I ask for is more strength because God, I feel like falling flat on my face and grind back into temptation and greed. Although, its not like I'm NOT being tempted with gorgeous Korean women from left to right and lifeless objects that money has to offer. I will and always will be tempted/lusting for beautiful women, I cant fucking help it, and money, something we cannot live without in this day and age, will be spent on my never ending hunger of greed and desire.
So what am I trying to say?....
God, I need more strength.
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| Quick Update:
Hired at Ralph's
Nothing happening between family lately..
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| Just a little update for all you anonymous readers haha...
Things aren't going so well between the family as of now and to make things worse, there might be a slim chance that I may have to move out in soon time with or without my parents. I cant really get into details but I will have another update for you all shortly about the aftermath.
.....and I'm still unemployed and eager for work.
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| It's 1 in the morning here and I'm shoving food into my mouth like a vigorous pig I am. (shiettt..what an opener) Anyway, today I feel like suiciding...Just kidding!!!! Yeah...ok, I know thats something you shouldn't be joking about in any sort of manner whatsoever, but, to relate...I was feeling completely out of it this whole day like I was shitted out by an elephant and plopped on the hot grass to bake..and harden..and eventually crumble away. No, let me retract that a bit, I've been feeling like this more often than ever and to list the common occasions, it often happens when I'm hangin out with the good fella's. Now don't take this the wrong way, I have nothing against these people and I enjoy their company (most of the time), nor do I think they have anything against me...or so I'm hoping..
For anything recent, I've been praying for simple traits that most likely anyone inquires, and that is, to become a more sociable and open person who expresses their attitude and mind without an ounce of hesitation and a state of negligence. But today, I went to a church in downtown LA held @ the mosaic (or I think thats what its called). The sermon, hands down, absolutely soul satisfying. But to make things controversial, the sermon was about society and ones need and requisitions to fit into a "box", the box exemplifying a group or trend, etc, etc. This entry would be too long for you to read if I were to write things down in detail, but long sermon short, the pastor phrased that we are always trying to find a way to fit in and do the "cool thing" and the new up, and that cool thing, resembling a box, which have sharp edges, leaves us with scars and bruises on our bodies while we try to fit into that "box". SO...my question, is it ok to give in and fit in? Or is it better to be hated for what you are instead of being loved for what you are not? And more importantly, which gives me more happiness/content?
I, for one, firmly believe in "yourself", but at times, I do want to throw in the towel and follow the herd of sheep. Both give me freedom, both are enjoyable, one feels right, one feels belonged to, but in the end I stick with my belief and to just be me at all times, but AT the same time, it takes a toll from my joy and comfort (that may be a bit sketchy to understand) but I figured it would feel the same, if not worse, if you were to become one of the cattle in the herd. So which would you choose? Why?
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| Just filling in on a lil update for you guys,
Been job hunting like crazy recently and still am.
And plan on going to church from now on.
And thats about it.
Have a good n' safe weekend all
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