wow, i read that and I smiled...I know you barely know me, you only know me because of Elissa...I'll comment anyway...

It's good to have that attitude, saying that you do have the potential to get better and you most definitely do, as long as you push yourself.  I think that's one of the hardest things to do-to actually think that there is hope of getting better-most people think they're plain worthless and hopeless and have no chance of getting better.  Well, they aren't gonna get better if they have that attitude.  However, you have the attitude, a positive one, thinking you can overcome it and that's a very big thing.

I know my advice may be totally pointless to you, because I had only done it maybe 5 or six times before I turned myself into Mrs. Lazurus.  Then she told my parents, and I began therapy.  Things seemed cool at first-someone who actually listened to me and didn't interupt every sentance with "what's right" in their opinion.  Things seemed to be getting better...

But one day after listening to my therapist, I decided to try one more time, just talking to my parents and telling them how I feel.  All other previous times had ended in failure, with me thinking I'm an idiot for even trying and my parents, more so my mother being right.  That night, like usual, everything I said seemed like it was turned around and thrown right back in my face.  After that talk, I felt like dirt.  I felt worthless.  You know what I did?  I threw away my "getting better."  I went back and did it again, worse than I've ever done it before.  I slipped and gave in.  I did it three more times after that.

And I know all of these words may be completely useless considering, I only did it about ten times.  Nevertheless, it was hard to stop.  I don't know you that well, so I don't know where exactly you're at now.  But let me tell you, it's not gonna be easy getting better and throwing it all away.

You will always have the memories, scars in your mind.  You're still gonna want to do it.  Sure, you may break a few times, you may be in a bad mood, but that's ok.  That's allowed.  You can't be expected to stop and magically be happy with the snap of a finger.  Heck no!  It's not easy.

You shouldn't regret anything.  Don't live in the past-live for tomorrow(sorry if that sounds corny...but it's true...).  Honestly, I don't regret one single cut that I made.  Sometimes, yeah I see scars and I get mad at myself, but I think in a different way.  I think about how much stronger I am now than I was before.  How much more confidence I have.  How I'm able to block off harsh words and fight the daggers that are tryign to tear my life apart.  It's a rough battle, and I'm well on my way to victory. 

You can be too.  It's gonna be rough, but you can make it.  Any improvement will be a success.  The battle and pain is well worth it in the end.  I hope the best for you, and I'm here to talk to, or I'm here to go away if this was pointless advice...lol...either way-i'll be thinking of you, hoping for your recovery.  :)

-Debbie

... i luv ur site ... ur background z realy cool n da song dat plays z so beautiful, quiet and calming ... ... i wantd to ask u where u got ur background ... n if i cud just post da pictur n giv u credit? ... dat wud be realy great ... thnks so much ... n beautiful site! ...

Beautiful....what more can I say?

I loved this post. I really truly did.

And you're right; Debbie's comment was awesome.

I love you, Lauren.  I second everything she said. (I would restate it myself, but I really couldn't have said it any better than she did... though perhaps I will try sometime in the future.)

I love you, Lauren. I am really glad that we've never given up on each other. I mean, this has been one heckuva friendship. Really. We've seen each other grow so much! (Emotionally. Though physically... I'd have never thought you'd be taller than me like this! AH! lol) 

I'm glad I came and got you in lunch today. I like spending time with you.

I'm glad you're happy.  I love your smile.

I love you. Thank you for everything.

Your friend,
Elissa