Oh lawd, I LOL'd hard.
[Click]

I can't find my words.
Someone tell me what I'm supposed to write.

Meh, I promised myself I'd write more, but apparently that didn't happen.
Oh well.
I suppose it's because I haven't been thinking of anything worth sharing.
My mind works too fast for me to catch up to most of the time.
Whatever.

Every post is a repost of a repost of a repost anyways.
There is no such thing as originality.

Did I lie to you?
And say that I had returned when I really hadn't?
Maybe, and maybe not.
Sometimes I feel like writing, and sometimes I have nothing I want to write about.
And sometimes both.
Now is that "both" time.
So I'll ramble.


Third bell I fear, and absolutely love at the same time.
That is my Poetry class.
Same teacher as my English class.
Yesterday we did a poetry exercise.
He passed out cards, and had us write a single line on it,
Took them back,
And redistributed them to everyone for us to write a poem out of it.
Or at least a couple lines.

What I wrote on my card:
"Have you lost your eyes?"

What I received:
"This modern Don Quixote scratches his scraggled beard ..."

I drew a blank.
I had completely forgotten what Don Quixote was famous for.
My heartbeat picked up,
And adrenaline rushed through my veins,
Absolutely afraid to fail.
I admire my teacher so much,
I can't let him down and see how weak I am.
So I picked up my pen,
And wrote a line,
Then scratched it out.
Wrote another,
Scratched it out.
Wrote one more line,
Thought about it for a second,
Then scratched it out.
Then, to my despair, time ran out.
And I had nothing but the original line,
And three lines of nothing but linear ink stains.
Hanging my head in shame,
I waited as each of my classmates read theirs out loud.
As each one read, more and more dread filled within me.
Five more poems to read.
Four more.
Three mo-DING ... DING ... DING.
Saved by the bell.
I sigh heavily and rush out the door,
Promising to myself that I'd read up on Don Quixote,
And write something before the next day.

And so, this morning,
Walking down the halls before school started,
I had an idea of what to write.

What I wrote:
"This modern Don Quixote scratches his scraggled beard,
Picks up his rusted picket sign with wild eyes,
And starts to dream up new windmills to turn into giants."

It's a start,
(Or better yet, an end)
But it doesn't need to be completed.
It was only an exercise, after all.




Oh, and if you were wondering where my titles come from,
It's usually lyrics or poems.
(Well, except last time.  That was my own creation.)
Today was a poem by Ezra Pound.
Entitled "The River-Merchant's Wife:  A Letter"
Great poem, imo.
Link here, if you'd like to read.

Yeah, yeah, I left. 
On accident. 
I didn't mean to, but I felt my attention was needed elsewhere.
Perhaps I was wrong.
I always want to forget myself, so I never look deep enough into myself.
I know this is a huge flaw of mine, and that's why I started this Xanga ...
But it didn't work out, apparently.

I'd like to say things will be different this time.
That I'm "never gonna give you up" (lawl, Rick Astley reference, ftw), but my attention slips constantly.
My English teacher noticed something odd about my writing behavior.
I'll write something, then erase it, write something, then erase it.
I've barely noticed it before, but since he said that, I've noticed it more and more.
I do it so often that I find it almost impossible to write anything.
Well, anything worth writing.
Damn, see what I mean?
I downplay my own abilities, or at least the importance of them so much that I accidentally discourage myself fom writing.
I think that what I'm writing has no use or value.
Not on purpose, mind you.

So I guess I'm taking this as a fresh start.
I'll probably ramble from now on, FYI.
But that's probably what I need.
Something to ramble on about.
Then, of course, from the ramblings, you take the jewels out.
My problem is that I want the jewels without the digging.

Ah, I couldn't sleep.
And I was thinking, so I thought I'd come and write down my thoughts.

In summer school last summer, we read "The Most Dangerous Game."
General Zaroff, the one who hunted humans?
Well, my teacher, as well as the classmates, asserted that he was insane.
That he was a lunatic for hunting humans.
I thought it was rather unfair for the teacher to assert that.
To impose her views into the students.
Good thing I'm somewhat immune to dogma and propaganda.
I wanted to debate with them that he wasn't.
The best response I got from them was "Why would any sane person hunt another human?"
I told them that he had no qualms about hunting humans because he had no better prey to hunt.
He wanted a challenge, and only humans fulfilled that challenge.
Just because he had no morals in the respect of killing,
Does not mean he was insane.
He had bought that island with that specific purpose in mind.
So he could have no laws against it.
Is it right?
Well, who's to say what is right?

The price for a learner's permit here is $75.
In NJ, it is $5.
That's a bit of a difference, eh?

Speaking of NJ,
I want to move there in the future.
I miss it.
It's my home.
Maybe even go to college there,
Instead of going here, then moving there afterwards.
It'd be harder though, methinks.
I think I'd need a roommate ...

I need to work on English badly.
I failed the first quarter.
Oh shi- ...
I have my independent reading due this week, don't I?
Fuck. 
I haven't even started the project.
Finished the book, but meh.

POTS.
That's what I think whenever I see a stop sign.
Stop backwards.
I have no idea why.
I have one in my room.
It sits and collects dust.
Right behind my gaming chair that I can't use.

School is too draining for me.
I just want to sleep through classes after awhile.
It's not like I learn anything important anyway.
They say we are all responsible for our own education ...
But they dictate to you what you should know.
When really, not a lot of it really matters.
You'll forget it in a year or so because you'll never use it.
You just memorize the curriculum to reiterate it on the next test.
So what's the use?

Hm.
Do you know of a word that uses the letter combination 'wkw'?
I bet you can't.
It's an awkward letter combination.