CucumberKittie's Xanga

Friday, March 21, 2008

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:17:19 GMT

Woah.

I've pretty much been too busy to move. I figured I'd update before Spring Break just to give a glimpse of what's going on.

I'm cast in the Sweeney Todd play. =) Those rehearsals are every day until 6:30, so I'm pretty tired when I get home. It's going to be so sweet.

I also play piano for the school show choir, which takes up some weekends.

Guild in piano is coming up, and my teachers are being psycho.

Anywho, I'm leaving for my dad's, then going to New Mexico in the morning!!!!!

Friday, February 08, 2008

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:07:43 GMT

So I think I've been sick for months.
What I should do about this, I'm a little unsure.

Being weak all the time just isn't my deal. It must be some kind of mono strike back.

I haven't posted, because there isn't much to say. I'm not in love, I'm not brokenhearted, I'm not beginning a new journey, my grades are the same, my friends are the same, and I guess it's good.

Change usually fucks me over.

Here's to being a static character in the story of my life.

♥

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 21:59:06 GMT

How weird is it if you know someone hates you, but you take no social cues from it? They never say right out or ever give away their strong distaste for you, but it's only out of manners. Cowardice, in my opinion. They laugh when you talk, they wait for you, they act like an eager friend. You know, though, that every word that comes out of your mouth is tuned out. You annoy them to no end. Your magpie like attraction to secrets and details, your thirst for trivia of any sort, they hate it. It gives them a headache to be with you. And they tell other people.
Why would I take any part in that?
From now on, I don't think I will.

In the normal world, I've been reading nonstop. I am addicted to Chuck Palahniuk, and am halfway through my third book this week. I forgot how nicely reading kept me out my god damned head.

And I can't find my chap stick.

Really, something has to happen.

♥

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 18:46:04 GMT

Been pretty busy. Friday I hung with Steph, Trina, Khoi, and some Bobby. Tree and I tried on millions of dresses and took sexy pictures.

I bought a Chuck Palahniuk novel for the first time.It was very good. I read it in one day. So I bought another one of his books today.

I was supposed to hang out with Bev, yesterday, but she canceled, so I went and spent the night at Tree's. We talked, we chilled, we laughed, we cried (well, not really). It was good. And I had French toast for breakfast. =)

I bought Bev's present today and my other book. Hint for Beverly: they warned me about it. XDXD
The guy who sold it to me was so adorable.

I would like to hang out with some more people.

And oh my good god I need to get laid.

♥

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:56:21 GMT

I am so tired. Drained. Empty.

Other than that, I'm fine. Trina came over yesterday, and we cooked a delicious lasagna and had crepes and hot chocolate for dessert. It was a lot of fun.

In other news, I lost my keys! I called everyone! Then I found them. I had put them in this weird place so I wouldn't lose them. Go figure. I fail.

I'm in a really bad slump with school work. It hasn't caught up with me yet, but if I let it, let's just kiss my car privileges good bye. Luckily, this evening is devoted to catching up and having everything down. I am not about to let the things I want slip away.

I am getting more and more boring as the days go on. I'll stop talking.

♥

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 00:57:45 GMT

I'm a little not so good. I've spent a good 25% of my life having feelings for a certain person. Considering my young age, it's probably a little weird.

I don't really know, but I think I just met him at a time when things at home weren't quite right, and I placed just this extraordinary amount of trust in this kid who couldn't return anything to me. I had to stop talking to him, and I find it difficult to continue this even after months. I don't have to see him or anything

The worst part about this is being alone in it. I know everyone experiences unrequited love at some point or another, but my rehabilitation period seems to be taking a lot longer than average standards may permit. I finally met someone who was feeling the exact same things over another person, and I have to say I felt a lot better knowing that I wasn't the only one.

I have just had that comfort revoked from me. I don't understand just getting over someone. I tell my friends to do it, but though I do everything possible to forget, it's like the feelings inside will never go away. Time has not healed me. Distractions have not healed me. I can't talk to him or about him.

It's an issue that makes me feel so alone it hurts. I want someone to honestly and truly understand the way I am feeling, but no one (lucky them) really seems to get it.

I suppose, want I really want, is for someone to give the same way I give. Nothing could ever release me in the same way.

♥

Friday, January 18, 2008

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 00:06:00 GMT

There's the way I may appear
but that will change from day to night
would you ever see within?
underneath the skin?
could I believe you had that sight?

I've been pretty sick lately, but today I felt much better. I've almost completely caught up on school work, so I can enjoy my four-day weekend. Today, I went to see a movie with Trina and Steffie and almostBobby (misadventure). I had a lot of fun hanging out.

Tomorrow, I can finally see the Bevster, and we're going shopping and to see 27 Dresses. I've missed hanging out with my friends; it's like I don't have time for anything.

My time management will have to get better, because I savor my hedonistic pleasures.

♥

Friday, January 11, 2008

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 19:52:39 GMT

Who's lost six pounds?
I've lost six pounds.

I felt shitty today, and decided school was not worth the trouble. Especially since I'll be doing school shit all weekend.

However, there is a benefit on Saturday, and I'll be playing. :)

I feel as though my voice is never heard in the band. I mean that both literally and figuratively. I'm beginning to see Michael's eyes roll every time I speak. Maybe I'm just that annoying. Maybe my suggestions are just that bad.
In fact, they probably are.
And I just need to stop BITCHING all the fucking time.

Agggh. Here are the GOOD things from my day:
Mental health day.
Burrito.
Talked to Bev for a few minutes.
Rested.

♥

Monday, January 07, 2008

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 19:56:23 GMT

I'll be god damned if I don't prove everyone wrong.

♥

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 16:30:23 GMT

I'm signed up for the SATs.

Lately, as you've noticed, I've been feeling pretty good about myself.

I don't know what happened.

But it's not good.

♥