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| Detasseling/childhood virus/grief My Hat Is Older Than You made me cry. Now I'm all a mess. I haven't had the huge number of emotions before ever in my life. Sometimes it feels more than I can handle. I'm fine, really 89% of the time. I function, go the park, activities, work, keep everyone fed and clothed. interact with friends. but boy those tears come quickly. A mom on our UC board had a stillbirth a few days ago. That's probably why I'm more emotional today. I should just stay off the computer. but I can't. It's my support. My period started today. a contributing factor? I guess periods are emotional for other moms who have had a loss. it's not only me!
James started detasseling on Sunday. ok for the uneducated: Detasseling is the act of removing the pollen-producing tassel from a corn (maize) plant and placing it on the ground. Detasseling is done to cross-breed, or hybridize,
two different varieties of corn. Fields of corn that will be detasseled
are planted with two varieties of corn. By removing the tassels from
all plants of one variety, all the grain growing on those plants will
be fertilized by the other variety's tassels. In addition to being more
physically uniform, hybrid corn produces dramatically higher yields
than corn produced by open pollination. With modern seed corn the
varieties to hybridize are carefully selected so that the new variety
will exhibit specific traits found in the parent plants. The
detasseling process typically involves the use of specialized machines
and human labor.
James will be 13 on Friday. This is his first real job. My firstborn. huge step for mommy! Every day he comes home exhausted. He's got a wordpad running on the desktop where he is figuring up his earnings daily. I don't have the heart to tell him he will get the maximum taxes taken out of his check and it won't be nearly as large as his figuring! He is amazing. We got him a hydration pack @ Cabela's. We never had such a thing when I was detasseling. We had to wait till we were at the end of the row to get a drink. they get to drink constantly. such a good idea.
Hannah swallowed a penny. 10 years old. silly girl. after googling what to do decided to do nothing. It was a few days ago. Hoping it's passed by now.
11 yo niece is staying with us. brought her home with me. It's been good. Keeping me busy as I try to come up with ideas of things for her to do. But she and Hannah are pretty good at coming up with ideas as most kids that age are! Good thing neighbors have a pool! and a good looking foster boy ;)
Sarah woke up last night scratching her palm. hard. today they are red and rashy and she has spots on her tummy. I think she has a childhood disease. She's not sick. yet. But resting more than usual for her. Off to google that now! Dr Google is the best!
I'm really tired. I've been working/getting home about midnight. waking up @ 4 to get James off to work. Try to go back to sleep and do but can't sleep well after 7 or so cuz my brain's trying to figure out what everyone is doing.
I hate sales people. Had to dump alltel. they dropped their analog service and we are just outside digital out here in the sticks. Viaero is whom I've signed up with. And got a teenybopper phone. a Sony Ericsson. hate it. it's really tiny. people say that hear lots of echoing and room noises I'm sure. plus can't get use to not having a motorola. I think I'm going to take it back and go back to a razr. I'm too old to learn all new functions. but now I have to go BACK to sales place and spend another 3 hours there that I don't have to spare. maybe tomorrow I'll squeeze it in. Maybe Sarah's mysterious rash will disappear by then? probably not.
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| GriefHubby's getting ticked. He doesn't understand what I want from his family and from mine. He means 'exactly' 'physically' what do I want them to do? How am I suppose to answer that? I want them to sit with me and cry. Share my grief. That's it. But for some strange reason I can't get the words out to him.
SIL's young daughter just had a miscarriage. I told SIL what her daughter needs. for her to sit with her and cry. She implied that that has not happened. She said, "boyfriend I think has been good for her" "yeah but men grieve differently than women".
If I had a daughter who had a loss I would be at her bedside for months. lying with her, crying. I just don't understand why this is so stinkin difficult for people to understand. the needs are little.
Friends are great. It's great to get meals and cards and walks and 'stuff' but only 'family' can provide the intimate rest. and neither mine nor his can. so now I have to pay someone to listen to my crap. and I'm a difficult person to figure out. I can't even figure out how to start this process. you pretty much have to know me from the start.
Three months today since Micah came into the physical world. Maybe that's why I'm a bit emotional.
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| home againWell 2300 miles later and bunches of money shorter, we are finally back home. I should have stayed home. Traveling was pretty good except that there were TOO many adventures. burst tire (no one hurt), 10 yo left her ring in a gas station bathroom (called the police-no word), cell phone charger smoked then died causing us an unexpected night in a motel 6.
gorgeous pics of the botanical gardens in Wichita to share later today.
Off to take kids (plus one) and dog on a bike trail. I'm thinking of pricing a bench to add to bike trail in memory of Micah Zachary. I need counseling. Time to call her I suppose. I was hoping that I may get some emotional needs met seeing my family. silly me.
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| what a trip.Yesterday we dropped of H and cousin at camp. At OK City the van was making a terrible noise. I thought that their roads have terrible road noise. I'm going to call my brother and see if he noticed it. Turns out (after three stops) that we noticed that the cords were separating in a tire. ugh. turn around and go backwards to Norman to find a WM and get a tire. ugh. hate this. so head on out again. realize it will be 1 AM or so before making it brother's house. call old friend in Ft Worth. Offers to put me up for the night. "Call me when you are in the Cabela's parking lot" okay. the phone quits about 60 seconds before that. It's 11 PM. kids are getting cranky and so is mommy. I see a sign for Motel 6. "how many adults/kids?" "One adult, three kids" displeasing look from night auditor. "Oh I bet that was a fun trip" I want to kick her. but she is nice. ignorant but quite sweet as she allowed me to use her personal cell phone to call local friend to tell her I've already checked into motel and beg her to please call hubby.
Woke up this morning and called friend and drove to her house where she cooked us eggs and helped me get to brother's house three hours away.
finally relaxing. friend and her family left. brother fixed me a bacardi and pepsi way too strong. kids are playing their hearts out.
sure do hope our luck is better for the last half of the trip as I am almost at the bottom of the country and have to get back to middle some time :)
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| "Don't expect more from people than what they are capable of giving"Had a great Sabbath at Wichita. Wonderful to be in the company of compassionate church members. I know maybe half of them, vaguely. But that didn't change the fact that they are there for me. Cried and bonded big time with a mom who had a loss three years ago. We have so much MORE in common. I also really enjoyed talking to her husband. It was good that he opened up to me so I can it from his perspective. truly *beautiful* family, in every sense of the word. The Holiday Inn Express is pretty great for us farm hicks. the kids are REALLY enjoying it. Been here two nights now. Been in the pool twice, workout room twice. The 10 yo daughter and her 11 yo female cousin think they are Zach and Cody from the Suite life. They are loving the hotel. So hard to know how much to let them run around. I know the management does not look kindly (like I care a whole lot) at preteens running around the place. But can't keep them in the room all the time. We went to the Botanical Garden yesterday. Took 140 pictures! My sister already has them on her computer and sorted! Pretty sure she just wanted to swipe them but it's working to my benefit too cuz she burned them on a cd and cleared my memory card so I have a clean card to continue on our adventures. Truly gorgeous pics. They were setting up for a wedding while I was there. Oh my. SUCH a perfect place for a wedding. so amazing. the weather was perfect. My only wish is that hubby was with us. He is really into landscaping and plants and water features. He would have been in heaven. The very last statue we saw was life sized of a walking woman with dress blowing in the wind with a 3 yo clinging to her and the caption is "never too big" tearing up just thinking about it. The children did really well on the 6 hour drive. But they slept over half of it. Next leg is to drop off those preteen girls to preteen church camp near Tulsa. Leave today @ 10. Then off to Austin to see brother for two days. I've got an old girlfriend and her family staying there too. Brother's MIL will supervise girlfriend and myself cooking authentic Indian food! wow. can't wait. She is an awesome cook. The title is the mantra I've been using. Stole it from Dr Laura. | | |
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