| The above book that I'm reading was given to me by a friend that knows I'm an Elizabeth Goudge fan. This book is the author's autobiography. I'm not quite done with it. I suspected, from reading some of Miss Goudge's novels, that she was at least an Anglican, and possibly Roman Catholic. That I could deal with because often the gospel works in and through so many of her characters. But the chapter entitled E.S.P was quite disturbing. Regardless, I have found some gems to add to my literary journal and I do intend to finish the book. Below is an excerpt from the chapter "Non-education", though this particular excerpt has nothing to do with her academic education, it does have a profound influence on her spiritual education. Elizabeth had loved her grandfather. Unfortunately, as he was a student of science, he questioned the existence of God and ultimately walked away from his faith. Here are a few quotes from Miss Goudge's memories. "At the end of the war [WWI] my grandmother died, leaving her husband totally broken by his loss. ... My grandfather was now over eighty and almost blind. ... Emily took him up to London to see a famous eye-surgeon, hoping something could be done to save the remnants of his sight. Nothing could be done and despair took hold of him. ... I could hardly reconcile this old, broken man sunk in darkness with the laughing grandfather I had known. ... Without faith he could not pray and believed that Marie-Louise [his wife] had passed into oblivion. He was not musical and could find no joy in listening to music. The only thing that anyone could do to help him was to read aloud, for his mind was still active and for the period of the reading he would emerge a little from his darkness and a shadow of his old alert expression would come back to his face. ... But one grey dismal afternoon when we were sitting together neither the book I was trying to read to him nor the peculiarities of my stammer could interest him. A wretched silence fell between us. My mother was lying down and my father and Emily were out. There was no one I could fetch to comfort him and I did not know how to do it myself. Then he began to speak, not fumbling for words, voicing his despair quite clearly. 'I must die soon,' he said, 'and go into nothingness. What I have cared for all my life has been knowledge, scientific knowledge. I have read and studied in every free moment I have had. I have now great knowledge and could be useful, yet I must die and all that I know will die with me. All that I have and am must die. It is all totally wasted.' ... "He sank back into silence and I sat frozen with dismay. I could not speak. But why did I not do as I would have done as a small child, run to him and hug him? Why did I not do something?" (I know, this seems quite depressing. But don't we all know someone that has not been called by God to become one of His elect children? This excerpt just hit me in a way that made me call out to God with thanksgiving, joy and unreserved awe that He has chosen me, and the rest of the excerpt below reminds me of God's promises to me which provides the confidence in Him I need as I pray for my children.) So, here is the last of what Miss Goudge had to say as she contemplated the death of her grandfather: "I totally failed my grandfather but he did not fail me, though it was years before I realized what it was he had done for me in rooting my faith, that I believe grew up out of his despair. Children lucky enough to grow up in a Christian home are given a good start, since small children are copycats and believe what their parents believe and do as their parents do, and later they sail out from a harbour that has a lighthouse on the rocks and however far they travel it is difficult to forget the harbour with the green fields of childhood behind it, and the light always haunts them; it is a finger of light feeling for them. But neither a copy-cat religion nor a haunting is faith. Somewhere, if one is lucky enough to have faith, however wobbly and constantly tested it may be, there must have been a moment of conviction that fell like a seed to the earth and struck root." "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." What a glorious promise. |
