| | WHAT SUCKS?Consider shame. How do you respond to it? Ask yourself. I am certain you may struggle answering. You may even struggle defining. I’ll bet you even struggle with realizing how often you are exposed to it. So, let us start by understanding it. Many friends have heard my illustration of the Shame vs. Guilt Paradigm©. The basis for the struggle, I believe to be in the inherent misappropriation of these two emotions. As a result, our struggle becomes defined by the identified need for a paradigm shift. It is all about the "S" words: Guilt = Standards; Shame = Self. Guilt is an emotion accessed by the Holy Spirit to point us toward the "better way;" so, He emphasizes standards. Shame is an emotion accessed by the enemy to point us toward personal "ugliness;" so, he emphasizes self. Examples for your consideration: Guilt looks in the mirror and says, "I would look and feel better if I lost a little weight." Shame looks in the same mirror and says, "You fat, ugly, piece of shit!"
Want a quick lesson from the popular class Discernment 101? If the emotion of guilt is elicited, it could be the Holy Spirit; if it’s shame, it definitely isn’t the Holy Spirit. This is why those of us seeking to be full of grace and truth, follow an attitude of evangelism that embraces a “don’t-clean-the-fish-before-you-catch-‘em” mind-set. I don’t want to be “A Graceless Mess;” I want the freedom to look someone in the eye and say, “I don’t care what you think, who you are, what you did. Just embrace intimacy with Jesus, and He will let you know.” This is, after all, the Holy Spirit’s job…Right? No. Unfortunately, many in Christendom see it as their job. Others often define themselves as the authoritative shame police. So, maybe you now understand shame; but, what about how you experience it? I don’t respond very well to it. Maybe I am too sensitive to it? Simple acts of impugned shame twist my bowels through one of three forms of offensive impaction: 1. The Passive /Aggressive Offensive: I thought you were a Christian? Could you do better next time? Now, now, now!, Oh My!, or Well! Why don't you ask the Lord what He thinks?
2. The Self-Directed Offensive: I am so embarrassed! I can't believe I did that! What is wrong with me?!?! Even some of my dear Xanga friends lament, castigate, and apologize for not posting. (Where does that shame come from?)
3. The Direct Offensive: - You are an embarrassment!
- You'll go to hell!
- You should ___________ (fill in the blank)
- And of course the proverbial "You should be ashamed!"
Do you see how impugned shame is merely the lance upon which someone attempts to skewer us? These javelin throwers are more insidious than the privately self-loathing put-down artist who knows no way to interact with others outside of exploiting notable imperfections. These “impalers” present themselves, whited sepulchers, holy and blameless, counsel against the foul odor of man…the messengers of God! On the outside, very nice! On the inside, rotting corpses. Matthew 23:27 When impugned with shame, my first response is ignore it: the angry, honking driver on the road (not interested in “flipping them off”); the raised eyebrow (not interested in slapping them); the head slowly shaking disapprovingly side to side (not interested in laughing out loud at them); the holier-than-thou relative’s contemptuous whispers (not interested in publicly exposing their short-comings). Now mind you, I do respond to many of these when alone in the shower, driving isolated in the car, or marching authoritatively about an empty house. I engage in some pretty fabulous imaginary diatribes, wherein each of these pike-wielders ends up a puddle on the floor at my feet! But, if I did do these things, I would be the same shame. I would become what I detest. Them. It. Isaiah 61:7 And, who could talk of shame and not invoke the English Language itself? With apologies to all you etymologists out there, the simple word embarrassed carries the metaphorical, albeit light-hearted, view of nakedness as a source of shame: em-barr-assed. Or, how about those powerful words first introduced to many of us by our parents, teachers, or preachers: Would. Could. Should. Place these words in the conditional continuous tense, and one ends up with hope lost. They become the incalculable “you-screwed-up-and-you-can’t-recover,” or the indefatigable “it’s-gone-forever-and-you-can’t-get-it-back:” Would have. Could have. Should have. Joel 2:25-27 Take it back! Replace your shame with confidence! No, no, no, not self-confidence; though, I am quite certain it needs a jolt about now. Confidence in Him. Can He save you? Can He forgive? Can He restore? Come on my dear friends, it’s a yes or no question. He either can, or He can’t. He either will, or He won’t. The power of the cross of Christ is a non-negotiable. You either live by it, or you live by the law. Worship the law, die. Worship Jesus, live. Your choice… Romans 10:4 Romans 9:33 Jesus points us to the standard of law without impugning our “self” with it; therein, He “fulfills” it. The law is powerful, undeniable. It gives that certain modicum of security one finds with any known. But, it does not give life. The Cross brings life. It brings life. It speaks life. It encourages life. It is life. I say, “Death to death!” Shame sucks. |
