punching babies and kicking the elderly

ive had it up to here and im fuming. i think this is the first time poker has actually had me feeling like i want to break things and hurt those around me. its quite possible that this really is just a culmination of my past year here in las vegas and how unlucky i have often found myself. yes yes, im aware that i gamble for a "living" and that variance will often be involved...but honestly enough is enough. every single time that i find myself involved in some big hand where I am an overwhelming favorite, and i mean mathematically, over and over i see the money being pushed in the opposite direction. this feeling leads me to believe that perhaps someones trying to tell me something about the choices i've made and what i ought to be moving towards. i literally wanted to strandle someone today and worst of all it was against an acquaintance. of course this entry wouldn't be complete without a bad beat story so here goes nothing...

im playing the 5, 10 nl game at the bellagio. i've been trying my best to play as tight as possible and really stick to my reads. one hand where i flop trip tens leaves me in the hole for a good 700. i decide to switch tables since my game is rather tight and noones really giving me any action if i do pick up a hand. i switch to one where this kid i know is playing who always has a way about him to loosen up a game. eventually I work my stack up to 1100 when the usual charles debacle occurs. the kid i know straddles for 20 and then my other "friend" limps under the gun. preflop i jokingly tell the straddler that i'll have to make it 80 since he keeps raising my big blind. of course i have to wake up to aces on the button...anything else just wouldnt make any sense. he tells me to make it 80 and im like naw man its gonna have to be more. i make it 120 and the small blind and big blind folds. he folds his straddle as well and then the one kid thats my friend calls the 100 more. now some background information. the first time i ever met him we got in some arguments because i beat him in two pots where i legitimately had the best hand. he always told my other friend that he wanted to play each other straight up so i always played my best hands aggressively against him. his issue is that he always thinks everyones out to get him and that we're trying to make moves to make him fold the best hand. anyway back to the hand. so he calls 100 more and the flop comes 7 8 9 rainbow. he checks and i decide to bet 100 as a feeler bet. if he has ace king he'll most likely have to fold unless he wants to make a play at me. if in fact he calls i can put him either on a big hand or draw. i know him well enough that i feel comfortable playing a small pot against him with a big hand. also the bet tends to disguise the strength of my hand since its so small. he immediately asks me wtf kind of bet is that. i respond with well i have the best hand just fold. he thinks for awhile and finally makes it 400 total. this puts me in the tank. my dilemma now is whether i have the best hand and if in fact i do whats the correct move. if he has a big draw i dont really want to get it all in giving him two shots to hit. i figure that he most likely didnt flop a set because he wouldnt have made it so expensive. i know my silly small bet on the flop makes it look like i dont have anything  and he can be playing back at me with any pair from tens to jacks...the only one im scared of is tens. i decide that if i just call his bet there probably arent too many turn cards that i will be happy with. also he will be first to act and im sure his bet will commit him to the pot if i decide to go all in. after about 6 or 7 minutes of serious deliberation i go all in for 600 more. he doesnt call so i immediately tell him ok if you didnt instacall then youre no good, just fold. he thinks for about 20 seconds and says ah well im ready to gamble...fck me. he calls the 600 more and off we go. the turn is a 10...probably the worst card i could have thought of since i figure he must have either 9 10, or pocket tens. the river was some blank and he rolls over pocket jacks. whats sick is that he has 6 cards in the deck that make him a winner which makes me about a 75 percent favorite. time and again i find myself putting my money in very good with terrible results. i think what bothers me most is the fact that i told him numerous times he didnt have the best hand. if he was some tourist then id understand his poor play but since he knows me and how tight i play it just irritates me that he can win with such a bad decision.

alright i hate writing poker novels on bad beat stories, mostly because i know noone wants to hear the boring drivel but i just needed to get it off my chest. its so difficult because as a person who really values his sense of reason i find it inexplicable that the laws of odds and mathematics just dont seem to work out evenly. i just want to puke at the thought of how often i see terrible play become so profitable in poker...maybe it really is just a game of chance.