prayer needed:  a letter from my pastor-

Dear Church Family,

You do not know how good it is to be a part of this family!  I cannot tell you how much  your support has meant to Linda and me.  The outpouring of love from people all over the world is testament of Linda's impact on so many lives.  The prayers coming from so many churches encourages us beyond words.  The verses of Scripture on 3X5 cards coming from everywhere sustain Linda in these difficult days.  Nothing, though, means as much to us as being a part of this church family (along with our own precious family, of course). 

Please know that while we have asked for limited contact just before and after the surgery, our hearts yearn for you.  KJ has kept us informed of your love and passionate desire to communicate your love for us.  It goes without saying that we feel unworthy.  It is the desire of our hearts that you know how very much you have blessed us.  The steady streamof visitors from our church on Saturday (I KNOW many of you would have come, but did not because of a fear of overwhelming her) was an encouragement like you cannot believe.  I have NEVER seen Linda draw strength from people like she did on Saturday.  God knew what she needed - and it was our church family.  We look forward to the coming days when she will feel good enough again to continue that type of nourishment from the body.   In the meantime, though, you cannot imagine how much the cards with notes and Scripture have meant to her!

As you have heard, Linda's prognosis is not good.  The type of tumor she has is the most aggressive form of cancer that develops in the brain.  The surgeon is convinced this tumor is no more than 2-3 months old.  It was the size of a golf ball, and continues to grow.  It is far too deep in the brain to remove, and in fact, damage was done getting the biopsy.  Linda has little ability to move her left arm, hand, or leg. This movement will likely return, with therapy.  The concern is that she will not live long enough to enjoy the improvement that is possible.  That is what the "book" says, anyway.

The book - Little chance for survival is given for a glioblatoma multiforma.  Chemotherapy does not work, radiation does not work, and a tumor this deep cannot be removed.  Our surgeon is recommending radiation - only because he knows we are not ready to quit trying.  Our basis for hope is in the Lord, of course, but also in the knowledge that our wonderful doctor in Sanford, Rober Patterson, has personal experience with this kind of tumor.  His brother had not only this tumor, but two other deadly tumors in his brain and was given six weeks to live.  He received radiation, anyway, and lived for sixteen more years!  Tomorrow morning, we will speak with the same radiologist who worked with Dr. Patterson's brother. 

Could God remove this tumor?  Absolutely!  He may, but He has not chosen to do so, yet.  Are we praying for a miracle?  Absolutely!  Whether that be through a divine touch, or through the unlikeliest of results with radiation, we will rejoice any way God brings it.  Will we lose faith should God choose not to deliver one of the most gracious ladies we have ever known?  Absolutely not!  All of our lives are in the Lord's hands, and He is good, no matter what.  Life has always been this fragile - we just were not aware of it.  Life is, by the way, still this fragile for all of us.

Oh, I hope this does not discourage you!  Some may think this is a concession, an admission of defeat.  Not so!  We remain hopeful against the odds.  We trust in the Lord, not the odds!  Michael (our son) shared a most encouraging word from Philip Yancey's book on prayer.  Yancy says that we should say "nevertheless, Your will be done," at the end of our prayer, not the beginning.  Like Jesus in the garden, we pour out our petition with passion, but we end by leaving our fate in God's hands.  Also, KJ (who has very much been our pastor in this trial) shared today that our faith only means something if life does not always turn out the way we desire.  If all goes well all the time, we need no faith.  We know, though, that God can deliver if He chooses.

So, until it becomes painfully clear that God has decreed that Linda's time on this earth is done (not her ministry - that will live for a long time!), we will remain hopeful.  I refuse to think of the implications of life without my love, because she needs my optimistic strength to fight - and fight we will!  At the same time, we remain realistic.  Either way, we live by faith, not by sight.  Already, our family has enjoyed a sweetness in this trial known to very few families.  We desperately want more time with Linda.  Should God choose to take her, we must cling to what Paul knew so well - for me to live is Christ, to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)  Do you, brothers and sisters, believe that?  I know you do!

So, family, continue to pray for us.  I know that some of you will wish we were looking at this a bit differently, but if we were looking at it the way you would like us to, someone else would be thinking otherwise.  We live in a country where EVERYTHING can be fixed.  But, not everything can be fixed.  Our God, on the other hand, can do whatever He pleases.  Oh, how we hope He chooses to gain glory through a miracle!  Our greater concern is that we do what pleases Him, regardless of His pleasure regarding us.  Our lives are in His hands. 

How can we tell you how much we love you?  Thank you so much for walking through this with us.  Please feel free to call my cell and leave a message, though I will not be able to answer many calls.  It appears Linda will be in Raleigh for awhile - rehab is soon, though we do not yet know particulars.  We very much want to get back to Buies Creek and Grace Community Church.  It is after midnight and I must be at the hospital early, so I will sign off.  I labored with this paragraph - so many emotions, but no adequate way to express them.  WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Brad and Linda