Going to be a mommy!

hey howdy hey!

waiting ... for ... ever....

Ok, so not exactly forever ... what's another two nights of waiting? It's hell, that's what it is, I tell ya. Especially with all the sexual teasing in person, via phone conversations, texting and picture messaging ... I'm basically driven to the point that two days seems like an eternity to wait for sex ... when I've waited two years to this point ... I guess my thinking should be, "What is two more days when I've already waited two years?"

But seriously, he's so enticing ... it makes me ache how badly I want to be with him. It seriously clouds my thoughts all day ... it's always in the back of my mind. That guy and his perfect body and his insane sense of humor ... Gah! Gotta get off the subject ... I'm rambling like a sex-driven maniac ...

Honestly, though, I don't think I've ever wanted sex to happen as badly as I do with him. Could that be a bad sign for our pseudo relationship or is it a good sign? I guess it's a good sign, since it shows me that he's extremely desirable to myself. But it could be a bad sign, because what if it turns into a pseudo relationship involving only sex? I guess I won't know until it happens ... if it ever does.

I really appreciate his profession, as well. I don't just appreciate his hot body and outrageous personality. There's more to him than that. But I think, if a relationship develops, I might get sick of it. Working such insane hours, not seeing him when I want to ... but that's what we're doing now ... I'm not able to see him when I want to. So, I guess I should just not have so many expectations of things changing if a relationship were to develop. I see what his hours are like (actually, I'm told what his hours are like ... and believe me, I love to entertain him and entice him during his long hours at the fd). Text messaging is a great tool for that ... haha, believe me.

So, apparently, the wait will be over on Wednesday night. I wonder what time we're planning on doing this? Maybe I should ask him right now ... or tomorrow ... after I wake up from this crazy, sex-driven state that I am in. Honestly, have you ever contemplated driving an hour to go to someone's house for a hug at 10:30 at night, knowing that it will lead to more, when you both have to wake up at 4:30 to be to work at 6 and 7? I guess that's enough time ... four hours, if there's an hour of sleep ... And to think, I got out of bed and dressed only to be told to go back to bed because we're waiting until Wednesday ... it sucks ... but I guess the buildup could be worth it ... unless, of course, he's terrible in bed. In which case, I might just drive my car into oncoming traffic for the big disappointment that it was ...

Oh well, what can a person do but wait? :)

oh what a tangled web we weave

So, I got a new job, quit my previous job, lost 20 pounds, dyed my hair, worked out daily, and almost got sued ... all in one months time...

When life comes at you, it comes at you fast. I mean, I was pretty hefty back in March ... and twenty pounds lighter is definitely noticeable. I'm not quite at where I would like to be ... but I'm getting there with my daily workouts.

The new job is awesome... some awesome people working here. I wake up at 4 am to work out at 4:45. After the work out, I get to work at 7, take lunch at noon, and am home at about 4:15 daily. It's sad, however, when waking up at 6 am is considered sleeping in.

I quit my previous job, and almost got sued doing it. I would not recommend working there, to anyone. They will do anything to make a profit off your termination... and by make a profit, I mean not give you your final paycheck or they will sue you for something made up. I could have made a stand and went the legal route. But I'm too focused on trying to get healthy that it wasn't worth it.

I guess that's what I get for talking shit about my old co-workers... bithces them all. Oh, and as for the hair dye, it's just a more vibrant shade of red ... I'd say Mary Jane's color of hair ... from SpiderMan ...

if you're out there

this one is for the man that stole my heart... only he doesn't know it. hell, he doesn't even know me, aside from that long look we shared while browsing aimlessly through that hall of books. i felt eyes burning into me as i was willing that boy to step away from tolkien, as i wanted to add to my ever expanding collection of books, wasting my time looking at cheesy romance novels about the woman who wanted the hot man, who would dump her because she was just a little independent for him, not enough willingness to be his trophy. she would eventually realize that the "loser" was her one and only, usually after something tragic happens, such as getting stranded on a desert island with no change of clothes. but i digress....

the burning sensation of eyes on me as i was clutching the book in my hand. i set it down and turned around, only to see him quickly snap back to his computer and work. longish brown hair, which i love on a man, especially when they can pull it off. but i did not know if he could pull it off, as i didn't catch a glimpse of his face. up another aisle while still waiting for that fat kid to move away from my beloved tales of middle-earth and such. i feel eyes again, so i quickly turn in his direction and our eyes meet, if only for a second, which felt like an eternity. i turned away and blushed. the hair was definitely working for him. i worked up the courage to get closer, if only after he went to help a customer in a different direction. but we were still caged in; the music department is like a prison where i could spend my days, listening to every cd there, taking extensive notes on which songs i liked and why, which songs had no depth and would make me ill upon listening to.

i am enthralled by the classical music section, being the former classical musician that i am. i finally setlle on the london symphony's version of antonín dvorák's 7, 8, and 9 symphonies. as i continue browse, i feel the eyes peering a gaping hole into my soul. he's with another customer, but his gaze is transfixed on me. i impulisvely reach for a replacement copy of when the pawn hits by fiona apple, as mine was somehow lost. not really somehow, i am a pretty disorganized person. but hell, most geniuses are, as i like to tell my father when he rags on me for my inability to keep a clean room. i'm just scatterbrained and don't like to be bothered with the task of picking up after myself. it doesn't bother me, so why should it bother him? i just cannot be domesticated, that's all. have mercy on whoever i end up with... hopefully, they are more domesticated than i, or else we would need to make some money and hire maids to maintain the house, as pitiful as that sounds. but again, i di gress....

he finaly gets free from the old lady that he was assisting and approaches me. we share a shy smirk and a few helpful remarks, such as "finding everything ok?" and my oh so cool reply of "oh, yea, i'm just browsing." followed quickly by "i'm ready to check out, though." he quickly rushes behind the counter and gets my required info, such as my phone number, as i have a membership but misplaced my card. i notice that his name is aaron... he knows my name is stephanie. no conversation ensues, but we share lots of glances and sheepish grins. if only i had grown some balls, oh well.