My parents and all four of my grandparents were just here for grandparents weekend at college. While they were here we talked about a lot of things and in one of the conversations I was reminded of the most amazing thing. Sometimes I consciously and subconsciously underestimate the power of God and how much God cares about me. But an event from my childhood always corrects me on this and makes me feel so loved by God.

When I was about four or five years old (a year or two after I accepted Christ) some friends, my mom, and myself were all going to go to this theme park near my house called Dutch Wonderland. I don't know how a place with a name like that stays in business, but it was cool. Of course I do live near Lancaster PA which is where a lot of PA Dutch live. Anyway, the day was supposed to be pooring rain and it looked as if we weren't going to be able to go. I was so bummed. But being like a kid, which I was, I actually had faith in God. I asked God not to let it rain much, and if it does rain while we are there, only let it drizzle. Then when we go out to eat you can let it rain all you want. Well, even though the sky looked horrible, we went to the park. We spent a few hours there and started heading out. As we neared the exit, it started to drizzle. We got into the car and drove to Pizza Hut. We all got out of the car and the second we stepped under the roof, the rain just poored as hard as I had ever seen it. It was as though God was holding the inevitable back all day for me, a small, stupid kid. You may think it is coincidence, but the exact way my prayer was answered and the faith with which I prayed it, and God being who he is, I know differently. This is just an amazing reminder to me of who God is and how I need to have faith. I forget so easily.

I'm certainly not perfect, in fact, I'm quite imperfect. Sometimes I wonder if I really meant what I said in previous entires or if I just worte it to look good to the 2 people who read my Xanga or to make myself feel good. I came into the school year with high expectations spiritually and I have learned a lot of things. But I have also had a close group of friends and we got lacksidasical in our lives. We let each other get by with things that should have been stopped. But fortunately we have caught ourselves and are trying to keep each other accountable. I mean we weren't doing anything horrible like smoking, having sex, or swearing, so it's not that bad, right? I hate people who think like that. Ignorance. Smoking is bad because it CAN cause cancer and heart disease. Ok, fair enough. But what about all of the Christians I know who have had heart attacks because of poor diet and lack of excercise? Is that any better?  Then why is one looked down on so heavily? Jesus took care of the sex/lust issue, so I'll leave that to him. But swearing, ok, there's something that is definately inherently wrong. Right? Well then throw out the KJV because it says ass a bunch of times. Ask yourself this question, what do you think is better, if someone says to you after they just fell on their butt, "oh, my ass hurts" or is it better if someone gossips and harms another member of the church body and maybe even causes a split? Hmmm. Tough one. It seems to me that we don't look at Ephesians 4 enough. Our arrangement of sins is so stupid. Edify the body, which is in essence the bride of Christ. What were my sins mainly? For the most part, my conversation wasn't healthy and I just did not focus on Christ. When he's in the back of your mind, that's not right. Sure I might have done devotions, but who cares about that. My relationship with God is not a quota to fill, it's a continuous focus, a continuous attitude that needs to be there to guide my every step. Personally, I think that being out of focus and morally pure is worse than struggling with a sin but focusing on Christ. The one who focuses will get through the ordeal, the one who does not focus will live comfortably and never attain a real experience with Christ. Sure they're saved, but not much past that. I want to be the struggling man. I don't want to think all of those "really evil" sins are under me. I want to be so focused that I always see something in my life to correct because I know I'll never be perfect. I certainly am not perfect, in fact, I'm quite imperfect.

I'm working on a new perspective, a new outlook on life. Hopefully I can keep it. BAM!

Hebrews 12:1-3

"Holy, holy, holy!" I sing every day

But how can I express what I don't know how to say?

You are amazing and merciful

You fill my life with love

You make my days enjoyable

With blessings from above.

 I go to church and learn even more

About the Creator that's always been

And I learn how much I should adore

You for everything You've done

 I know so much about You, Lord,

And I know what I should do

But how can I fulfill Your word

When I do not know You?

 I seek and search for knowledge

To every question You could ask

But what does this accomplish?

It only enlarges my heart's mask.

 I know all I need to know of You

To live my life Your way.

But knowing isn't what you do

It's only what you say

 You see, until I put what I know

To practice in my walk

People only see half my show,

They only see my talk

 Father, You are different though

For You search my whole heart

You always see the whole show

You never see just part

 So this is my confession, God

Search me, make me pure

Consume me with a fire so hot

But give me strength so I'll endure

 Help me to see with the eyes of my heart

Rather than the eyes of my mind

Help me to walk not just in part

And for You, to always pine

 And most of all I pray with fervor

For Your grace to me, extend

Allow me to understand further

That I can not comprehend.

 I learned about You in shallowness

I placed You in a box

I don't realize Your awesomeness

You are YAHWEH! You are the Rock!

 My complacency and deadbeat heart

Have forgotten that You made

The sun, the moon, the stars,

The trees, the colors, and the waves

 This box of mine I put You in

Confines You to my mind

This is wrong! This is sin!

To You it's made me blind!

 I don't want to understand You King

Because my old self I'd be again

I just want to realize one thing

That You're too awesome to comprehend

 And when that unfathomable moment appears

May I just stand there in praise

And into Your presence draw me near

To worship, O Ancient of Days