Yeah...im movin mah sh*tz... Live Journal is alot better, so im gonna go ahead and transport mah sh*tz there...

go here:  http://www.livejournal.com/users/daheirenx

Anywho, peace out, N()()gga...
(more sh*t later over there...)

"BADUM DUM DUM, UUUHH...YAAAAAAAAAY~!!"
-Special Ed, Crank Yankers.

That said and done, Lemme tell ya some stuff about what i've had to deal with for the last 2 days.  Two words...

AUNT RHONDA~

Yep, that's right.  My Aunt Rhonda from St. Louis came to visit us on the way to a hearing.  She's this successful lawyer person, and she had a case to go to in San Antonio.  So she figures, "WHY NOT STOP IN HOUSTON AND F*CK WITH RELATIVES?"  Go figure...You're probably all like, "Oh What's so wrong about having your Aunt visit, but you don't know Aunt Rhonda. NOBODY knows Aunt Rhonda... She's work-a-holic, and VERY proud.  like AGGREVATINGLY proud.  She doesn't know the words Please and Thank You unless you're her superior. She's the type of person who'll fight over $.04 cents at a Wendy's, JUST FOR FUN... She'll openly make fun of someone to their face, and cop an attitude when they call her on it...y'know, pretty much an all around @$$HOLE. Anywho... Here goes

Day 1:  Arrival
So, she gets here...and everyone in the house is like "HEY, OMG, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE~!"  im like.  "F*CK."  So she comes in, and the first thing she says to me is. "Hey there, Lil' Cleve~  Wow!  looks like you've put on a lotta weight~!  You should start excercising..."  I'm like, "thanx for the advice."  (strike 1)  So, 2 glasses of soothing, chocolate milk and a prayer for sanity later. I hear "LIL' CLEVE, COME TELL ME ABOUT YOUR JAPAN PROPOSAL."  Immediately, i know what's gonna happen.  She's gonna take my paper, read it and say it's crap, mark it all up with comments that make absolutely NO sense and say "do it over or you'll fail at it." and my parents are gonna agree with her cuz she's a lawyer and automatically knows what she's talking about.  Sure enough, she takes my summer's work, says that "this doesn't make ME want to give you any money." uses green highlighter (excellent choice) to comment the ENTIRE 4 pages and says that i should re-write it and give it back for more editing.  WHAT ARE YOU, MY F*CKIN HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH TEACHER?!?  JEEZUS F*CKING CHRIST!  Have you heard of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism?  I mean, i have NO problem with your helping me achieve a goal, but do you have to make me feel like the village idiot while you're at it?  I can't stand people like that.  Those people who improve you by tearing you down to nothing, that way there's nowhere else to go but up.  People like this need to be beaten with a pillowcase full of bricks and marbles.  It seriously pissed me off.  Here's why.

1.)  She is CLUELESS when it comes to computers, so she was correcting stuff that, for all she knew, was correct.  (ex. "I don't understand what you mean by File extention.  Maybe you should elaborate on that.") 

2.)  She would make corrections, and then RECORRECT what she had just corrected and say it as if it were MY freakin mistake~!  For example, If i wrote "This is a truck. Its red color makes it appealing to look at."  She's berate and write "The red truck is very fun to look at."  After making said change and returning to her hand of 'infinite wisdom,' she'd say "No No No...that's not what i meant...i meant "The red truck is appealing to watch with your eyes."  you should change that again, cuz what you have there makes no sense.  Thanx WEBSTER.

3.)  She would not hear ANY of my suggestions, or try and work with me.  it was either HER way, or "it's garbage, and i don't wanna deal with it."  Great.  Just great.  Last time i checked, this was MY research.  But it you wanna take over it to relive your youth, or some other nostalgic bullsh*t like that, then be my guest. Yeah... i PRAY that the next person she 'helps with their writing' respects her.  cuz im serious, it was all i could do to not say "YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.  EVEN IF THIS PAPER IS CRAP, IT'S MY CRAP.  WRITE YOUR OWN DAMNED PROPOSAL, YOU SLOPPY BASTARD."  but i can't do that, cuz it's my aunt, and it's like against my religion or something to disagree with older family members, no matter HOW wrong they are. 

So yeah... Strike 2.  Definitely wasn't fun havin' her do that.  OH YEAH, speakin of RELIGION, she's one of those hyper christians, who's all like, "have you been saved?  when were you baptised?  have you read the bible?  if you haven't, you should...cuz i wouldn't want my nephew to burn in eternal damnation until the end of time..." and this is my parents cue to quasi-threaten me with "you should go to church" and "we need to start taking you to sunday school." 

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZ~  These n*ggaz ain't been to church since I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL.  I seriously hate when people put on fronts, even MORESO, with religion... cuz, to me, it seems like when you DO that, you're just makin yourself look bad in front of |~God~|.  Don't get me wrong, im not atheist, or agnostic or anything like that.  I'm Christian (and damned confu...er, proud~) but im not someone who goes around harping on other people that "my way is right, and you should drop your beliefs and "follow" mine.  Who am I to say that to someone?  Im not some kinda ordained individual with special power or priveledge.  Im Cleveland Q. Crosby...(making me, if anything, less than most others) and i don't feel that i have the right to do somethin like that.  It follows that i CAN'T F*CKIN STAND IT when people do it to me.  Do NOT get in my face and judge me based on YOUR religious beliefs.  it's the second most annoying thing you can do to me.  (the first being that homosexual-assed nipple-grabbin thing that dumb people -usually guys- do.  No lie, next person attempts that shit with me is gettin his fuckin' fingers broken.) So yeah, that's strike 3... FIRST DAY, AND IM READY TO STAB OLE GAL~  Night time, and im ready to go to sleep, but HARK, What'S that?  I hear snoring from my bedchamber... F*CK, she's taken my bed....alas, my slumber awaits me on ye olden couch...

Day 2: Escape
Yeah, i woke up to my Aunt's correcting my Proposal some more, talking out loud to herself and emphasizing a mistake to the point where it doesn't even seem like a mistake anymore... she hands me the paper and says that this should "do it."  At this point, im sorta apathetic, and like, "ok...whatever" and i go to make corrections.  While typing her original masterpiece, my mother wakes up and comes out and has "girl talk" with her sis, and im like applying headphones to my ears like crazy...(at this point, im missing Union like a kid at fat camp misses home cooked meals.) 

Finally, after like an hour of talking about GOD knows what, my mother says "We should go to Chinese American~!!!"  (for those of you who don't know, it's the best chinese resturaunt in Houston, Bissonnet and Boone Road, blue tarp over the top of the resturaunt, it's called Chinese American.  *end cheap plug*)  Im torn, cuz i really REALLY wanted to go to Chinese American, but i KNOW how Aunt Rhonda is... She'd probabaly make fun of the waiter's accent, or ask for something ridiculous, or have one of those "special orders."  You know, like when somenoe goes to McDonalds and is like, "can i get that big mac char-grilled, with no onions cuz they make my pores sweat, and two teaspoons of mustard per 5 oz of meat..."  Someone you just wanna slap and be like, "PICK OFF WHAT YOU DON'T WANT, JUST EAT YOUR DAMNED FOOD~!" Damn, she's just like a freakin 8 year old! Always trying as hard as humanly possible to make sh*t difficult for another person.  So yeah, i was kinda reluctant to take her...  But my parents went anyway, so I went.  (beef w/ snow peas was callin out to me~!)  So we get there, and sure enough...

R.HonD.A: "I'll have the Hot and Sour Soup, but could you tone it down?"
Server:    "Ok."
R.HonD.A: "Also, the Salt Toasted crab, is that like crab legs?  Or is it the whole crab?  Or is it imitation crab?"
Server:  "It's real crab."
R.HonD.A: "So, is this crab cut? or whole?"
Cleve (thinking): "Hey, IT'S SIX BUCKS, YOU LAWYER~! ORDER THE SHIT AND SEE FOR YOURSELF.  IF IT'S NOT WHAT YOU LIKE, YOU'RE OUT A MEASLEY $6!  I MEAN F*CK!"

Yeah...it was a hassle listenin to her order, but at least she was content when she was eating.  Yet another person i've made slaves to Chinese American's Authentic Chinese Cusine. (thank you Justin...i will forever be in your debt)

So we finished eating the Ambrosia of the Heavens.  (Beef and snow peas pWnz j00 @||) And went to see Pirates of the Carribean at Alamo Drafthouse.  Man, that place is AWESOME, cuz like, you order food while the movie is playing, and the seats were STUPID comfy~!  like, i could have straight up made CHAIR love up in the theater.  Yeah, that'd have been bad tho...cuz yeah...that's illegal.  So yeah, Pirates of the Carribean, and Strawberry Cheesecake...GAHT DAMN, that was the best movie i'd seen... (Jonny Depp > all) After the movie, we all went home.  Morning came, and Aunt Rhonda had left.  Gone to her San Antonio Court date thing.  EXCELSIOR!  FHARFEGNEUGON!  EUREEEKA~!!!  FREEDOM!  Never been so happy to wake up from sleepin on the couch~ Sanity was still intact, manhood was at about 78%, and i had a Big-assed bowl of Reeces Crunch waitin for me in the kitchen... Life is indeed good :D

Yeah...that was my crazy weekend... Hope it didn't bore you too much...cuz that'd suck.  Anywho, I'mma go to sleep.  IN MY OWN FREAKIN BED~!  TAKE THAT, AUNT RHONDA~!

More sh*t later...

wh000000...it's been a long time...3 days, man...3 whole days.  Today's gonna be a short day for "blog-writing" cuz yeah...NO-THANG's been goin on...  Well, a few thangs have happened...

The Consulate Mis-Adventure

Ok, so this whole thing about needing a visa... yeah, a lot more trouble than it's worth.  Here's why...  Had to drive to Downtown Houston.  Anyone who doesn't know how Downtown Houston works...it's basically a buncha one way roads that all go "THATA-WAY".  Common amenities like, Numbers on their respective buildings and Street names at intersections, maybe the occasional non-sucky parking garage that charges less than $7.50/hour.  Yeah, these things would HEAVILY DECREASE HOUSTON ROADWAY VIOLENCE.  Anywho, so after i parked at some garage which tripled as a Sushi-Bar and Newsstand...(don't ask) i walked the 3 blocks to the Large, Nameless, numberless building that was between 1100 BlahBlah St.  and 1300 BlahBlah St.  (the address was supposed to be 1200 BlahBlah...)   Stroll on in, and remember that the consulate's office is in "Suite 23."  Thinking that this building operates on an ideal i call COMMON SENSE, I proceed to the 23rd Floor.  Yeah, sure enough, there was no consulates office on the 23rd floor.  So i ask the local security guard.  I sez:

      "y0, guard.  how you get to the Japanese Consulate General's Office?" and he was like:

      "Ok, first, you have to go to the lobby again, cuz there are no elevators from this floor that go up to that part of the building.  From the lobby, go to the 35th floor and then take the escalator down to the 34th floor. (of course the elevator from the lobby couldn't just take you to the 34th floor) From the 34th floor, you take the 4th group of elevators and they'll take up up to the 42nd floor.  The Office is on the right hand side."

IT'S THAT SIMPLE!!  So yeah...after navigating my way to THE PROMISED LAND, i am greeted by a sign that says "OUT FOR LUNCH~!" only it was in Japanese, so it translated to something more like, "We Are Currently Eating At Lunchtime.  Please Wait A Little While Until We Return."  Kinda tripped me out, cuz it was 10:53am... Oh wellz... so i decided to walk around this fortress that was Suite 2300.  Pretty Boring.  Buncha  locked doors, a unisex bathroom...few people who looked like they hated their jobs, but couldn't do anything else with their lives...Y'know, run of the mill fortress stuff.  Multiply this by 59 minutes, and you have the bulk of my morning.  Well, here's the pisser-offer.  After about an hour of waiting, i hear the door to the Consulate's office click, and the sign is taken down... FROM THE INSIDE!!! These BASTARDS were "eating lunch" in the comfort of their own desks, before lunch time... I have no problem with that...what i DO have a problem with is the fact that the business i had to take care of took them all of 18 seconds.  Here's How it went down:

Cleve: "I'm here to apply for my visa.  Here's my passport, my Certificate of Eligibility, a Copy, and the application."
Clerk: "Are you a student?"
Cleve: "Yes I am."
Clerk: "Ok.  Come back in 4-5 days to pick it up, here is your reciept, you will need this to claim your passport."
Cleve: "Thank you.  Have a good day."

That's it.  That's all that happened.  I waited an hour, for a 2 minute dropping-off of documents.  I spent $7.50 to park when i could have been DROPPED OFF and finished that WHOLE PROCESS while my second party circled the block... MAN, I LOVE POLITICAL PROCESS!!

The Computer Mis-assembly

After mission accomplished, I got invited to mah bro-ham's house to chill out.  now, this friend of mine is ridiculous into computer modding and hax0r stuff, and he's damn good @ it too.  So good, that he's turned his xbox into like this Historical Gaming Super, He-Man, Neo Ultra MEGAZORD!!.  It is so badass that it makes me forget how to read and write.  Anywho, we (me, him and another badass home-skrU) were playin' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Bubble Bobble n' shit, and then we get this craving for food.  they're like, "dude, im hungry"  and then im  like, "domino's has a deal, 3 medium 1 toppin' Flat-sammiches for 14 bucks."  They then go "HOLY ASS-BRICK, BLAKMAN™~!" and i go "wtf?"

so we ordered food, and the STUPIDEST MAN IN THE HISTORY OF ALL PIZZA DELIVERY GUY FOLLIES has to bring us our meal.  Ok, Here's the setup.  imagine a house.  A normal, everyday, run of the mill house.  Houses usually come standard w/ a "doorbell."  This doorbell is usually placed near the door's knob, for greatest convenience.  This is the way it is in the case of David's house.  There is a doorbell next to the doorknob.  Did Genius Pizza Delivery Guy ring the doorbell?  Did Said Pizza Delivery guy notice the doorbell?  Did this m*ddaf$*#a even  KNOCK ON THE DOOR?!?  The Answer to these questions are all HELL SHIT F*CK NAW, HE DIDN'T~ cuz if he did, we'd have gladly answered the door and exchanged money for pizza.  Hell, we didn't notice he was even AT the house until he shut the door to his car, ON HIS WAY BACK TO THE FRIGGIN PIZZA PLACE.  so, "how'd he try to get your attention?" you ask... He pulled a very clever trick, one i like to call "the midnight burglar" approach.  He proceeded to hit on the window located to the left of the door... Reeeeeeal smooth, if you're Mr. Bean, but if you're claimin to be a veteran, Top-Gun, Flawless, professional Pizza Delivery Guy...you should take proper notice of "the doorbell."

Idiot.

So anywho, after totally flippin out on Pizza, we started w3rkin on his computer...  Basically we had to take everything outta once case, and put in into the other, larger, more l33t case.  Sounds simple right?  WRAWWNNN!!  The shit took us 4 hours.  4 HOURS!  Man... One question... Why is it that when you order stuff, the equipment that they send you NEVER WORKS ON THEIR OWN SH*T?!?  Ok, so we got this bag of screws, which came with the Case he ordered... Did they fit properly?  Naw...  Did some of them fit properly?  Meh...  Did more than 1/3 of them fit properly?  Not really sure on that one... So what did we do?  We did what any red-blooded american would do.  We Watched Seinfeld.  Yeah, as we were watchin seinfeld, the case started feelin neglected, so it fixed and installed by it's DAMNED self.  So after Seinfeld, we hooked up the bells and whistles, and it was all good.  w00t for Computer Stuff.

Yeah, then i went home.  Pretty uneventful day, right?  Anywho, imma go to sleep, cuz that's what you do when your Colon starts talkin to ya...wait, what?!?! 

More sh*t later...

Wuddup y'all...   Sorry to post this late, but a n*gga was HAN'LIN BIDNESS~  Anywho, this will be a rather short post, cuz im starting to realize that it's hard as F*CK to come up wit awesome stuff to talk about EVERY DAY (especially here in Houston where there are like, 4 things to do.  Eat, Hang out wit old people, Go clubbin' and mingle with the MOST BLATANTLY PREGNANT WOMEN ALIVE, and eat.)

Alright, im gonna start off this log w/ a nice schmoove rant about Television.  Specifically "Paradise Island." Ok...Lemme run down this ridiculous-ass plot.  10 Completely Handi-Capable™ individuals (5 men, 5 skan..er...women...) put in this badass location somewhere in "surreal, non-existant-on-the-plane-of-normal-everyday-life, USA" and their sole task for staying on the show is to HOOK UP WITH AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN!!!  Manipulate, conive and backstab each of your "close friends" because the one of you punk-asses that doesn't have a woman who wants yer sausage, you get replaced by another random stranger.  This continues for a set number of weeks, and then the final couples are supposed to get married on a farm and get money and shoot their own biographical feature directed by Spike Lee™.

This is one of the FEW things wrong with this country... and by few i mean THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS.  Ok, it's a show where people HAVE to swap tooth enamel and bump pelvises with strangers or else YOU LOSE.  Ok, Think of it this way...If you don't do what the almighty Show manager says (no matter how stupid it is) you are CAST OUT OF PARADISE~!! (remind you of somethin')  Great message there... Hey, i've got a GREAT Reality TV-Show for Fox.  It'll be called "Name that Moral Offense."  This show'll be a masterpiece:

There'll be 41 Random strangers from around the world (except Iraq) and they'll be confined to work, play and live their lives with their families in an abandoned Wisconsin McDonalds.  There'll be 10 randomly selected cars which they will all have to share, and 5 randomly selected twin-sized beds in the lobby.  They will all have different jobs, each job being a randomly selected distance away from their home, which shall be called, 'Home-shop Mart."  Everyone will have to get to work on time every day or else they're EXILED FROM HOME-SHOP MART.  Therefore, these 41 strangers are gonna have to use ALL of their resources, abilities, bodily fluids, money, power, promises, children, food, drugs and Shares in Microsoft™ to win the trust, and maybe even the love of the others in order to get to work on time.  ANYTHING GOES, cuz it's X-TREME REALITY TV!  And to spice things up a bit, 2 randomly selected individuals will be the "Managers" of Home-shop Mart, and will have automatic access to the cars.  This REALLY increases the stakes, cuz the Managers can opt to quit their job, in which case, they can freelance, meaning they CANNOT BE ELIMINATED THAT WEEK.  Of  course, if they don't find another steady job after that week, they're EXILED FROM HOME-SHOP MART.  YOWWIE, WHAT A SHOW~ but wait, it gets better!!!

The First two weeks, we're going to drag 3 of the contestants out to a randomly selected shed in the middle of the night, and BEAT THE SH*T OUT OF THEM FOR NO REASON AT ALL.  We'll return them to Home-shop Mart and blame it on a randomly selected race of individuals. (either black or hispanic, cuz they don't really belong on a Reality TV show anyway, seeing as how there are so few in Amurhka)  If any of the 3 contestants wishes to press charges, the randomly selected race of either black or hispanic (even if they were one of the beaten) will be tried in front of the Mart-Counsel.  When this happens, the randomly selected race of blacks will be EXILED FROM HOME-SHOP MART.  (The second week, the hispanics will be exiled)  This is done to ensure that none of the other races appreciate or tolerate Gang related violence...(Part of the D.A.R.E 2003™ Program)

Now that this is a TRUE Reality TV show, (Can't be real life with those pesky MINORITIES around, now can it?)  the other contestants can compete in peace and quiet.  Now, in order to continue to make this game utterly "appealing" to the American public, we'll have their parents and best friends come in and tell the world their most INTIMATE secrets~!  And the funny part is, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE TRUE!!  Before each contestant is allowed on the show, we make them sign the contract blindfolded, that way they dont see all the BULLSH*T they're gettin themselves into!  (Genius!)  One of the lil' clauses that they "agreed to," states that  "All things said on this show about an individual are true and valid.  Pinky Promise.  Touch Blue, Make-It-True."

Then, of course, there's advertising.  We contract Fox to run a 5 minute preview of the show at the 3's and 8's of the hour every day until it airs.  These shorts will consist of catchy, X-Treme advertisement that snatches our viewers in by the larynx and forces them to watch or else they're not ever going to find boyfriends or look good.  I'm thinking the tag line should be something like,  "TOTALLY, uh...like, AWESOME?!" Based on information from the latest "What Fox Sez Works," Men like T&A, Women like Money and the Homosexual population likes...cheesecake... The commercial should show AS MUCH ASS AS POSSIBLE.  Ooh, and the letters in the tagline should have tits to grab our Guy audience.  We'll have a 14 second spot featuring a Trillion Dollar Bill™...that should get all the women hooked... And lastly, we'll have Orlando Bloom eating a Piece of Cheesecake with Heidi Klum... MARVELOUS!  We've got all the makings of a hit~!  Now all you gotta do is sign on the dotted line and we'll make JIGAFLILLIONS™

*stares at TV with a look of disgust...*
*long pause*

BLAM BLAM BLAM~  BLAM BLAM~ 
*krakk* *snap....KrikK...*  *POP*

Yeah, F*CK Fox, F*CK American Syndication and F*CK Reality TV.  If you absolutely NEED to see 'real americans living real life,' follow these blisteringly simple steps:

1.) Close your eyes.
2.) REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID AFTER YOU WOKE UP!

I mean, F*CK MAN~!!!  And this is just one TYPE of Reality TV show... Don't even get me STARTED on those "let the public decide whether i should marry this n*gga, cuz they'll give me a million dollars" shows...(isn't that sad?  THERE'S MORE THAN ONE!)  Or how about that "since using only one's eyes to choose a mate is MORALLY ABOMINABLE and ultimately leads to domestic violence and drug trafficking, we'll FORCE people to judge a person by who they are by having hundreds of random masked men vie for your hand in marriage" show?  I believe they called it, "Handed A Penis"  How are these people allowed to procreate?  They are unwilling to find love the NORMAL way, so they'll let millions of STRANGERS choose who they're supposed to spend the rest of their lives with?  No no, that's a STUPID idea~  Instead, let's have a woman ballroom dance with a debonair, and witty man WEARING A TRIBAL KABUKI WARRIOR MASK.  These individuals should be taken to the most beautiful plateau in Mexico and PUSHED DA F*CK OFF.

This is why kids can't pass standardized testing.  I'm giving up TV...It's all about the newspaper.  It's calm and peaceful and full of positive knowledge...Oh wait.

More sh*t later...

WHOO HOO~!!  Today is a good day!  Don't really know why today of all days is a good one. Then again, don't really need one, cuz Dammit, i feel good!

Actually, today hasn't been TOO crazy, except for this crazy dream i had...  First thing did when I woke up (sorta early today), I "worsh'd" mah face... cuz ya can't be a pimp-a$$ gangsta-bred, ghetto thug like mahsef' wit green shit crusted all off up in the corner of your eYe... So yeah, had to scrape that stuff off... After Detox, i went to git a bowl of Cap'n Crack. "WHY?" you ask?  "You didn't brush your teeth when you first woke up?" you wonder?  Well Imma drop it like dis: think about it...what's the use in brushin' your teeth right before you go and f*ck 'em back up?  I mean, c'mon... that's like washin' your car before it rains... it's BAD LOGIC.  So yeah, Bak to the Cap'n Crack.  Poured myself a bowl...(well not really a bowl, more like a small trough~) got this BIG assed spoon...  Y'know, every kitchen has one... the D.I.P.S don't keep it in the drawer wit the rest of the silverware...they put it out over the sink wit the strainer and the whisker n' shit....  What?  WTF you mean it's not a 'spoon'?  Ladle?  Psh...wUteVaH™.  Massa say it's not a spoon, it's a ladle...but y0, i took dem sh*tz and had a breakfast fit for a house-slave!  Went to the fridge....opened it up...heartbreak.  Sheer Heartbreak.  It wasn't that there was no milk...there was only enough for about 1/26th of the cereal I had poured.  Im glad I wasn't on the Real World or somethin, cuz i SHO-NuFF woulda got kicked off after what i said then~

Cleve: " *beeeeeeeeeepp Blepeepeppepepee pleeeeeeep"
Manager: "YOU CAN'T SAY THAT ON NATiONAL..."
Cleve loads potato shooter...

So, I go into Mission Impossible mode... How could I maintain the desired amount of cereal and minimize cost as well as annoyance from D.I.P.S?  This would prove to be a slightly tricky task indeed.... CUE THE CRAZY SECRET AGENT, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE MUSIC~!! (dolololololololololo LAAAHN chi dan chi DAN DAAHN)

Area: Kitchen, Houstonian Apartment
Time: 1100 Hours
Mission: Acquire Adequate milk for the consumption of Highly Addictive, Yellow-5 based Morning Sustainance.
Guidelines: Do not alert D.I.P.S, Do Not alert Brother, Do not leave evidence of departure from house.

Plan of Action:  Leave place of residence, walk 2 blocks to the local grocer and barter 3 American Dollars for adequate Milk supply.  Return to place of residence and apply milk to Giant Tub of Cap'n Crack Breakfast cereal.

Sounded simple enough...i had done plenty of tours to Kroger before...never one like this... I applied my war paint and suited up.  the Front door was locked from the inside...a clever diversionary tactic from the leader of D.I.P.S.  I would have to climb thru the air conditioning vents and rappel down the building... There may be  opposition, but i was prepared...I had my TMNT wallet, and a Swiss army knife that I had found by this old warehouse back in elementary school... it was time...

Rough Picture...

  Target                  Mi Casa
-----------              ------------
|            |              |              |
|            |              |              |
|            |              |              |
-----| |----              -----------
Entry Point         <-- Path of Least Resistance

After touching down outside my apartment building, i had to sprint as fast as i could because time was of the essence.  4 hours and a donut shop later, i reached the entry point...(damn, even in my dreamz, im a lardassed slowpoke...)

I snuck into the Kroger with relative ease...the retinal scanner was down and the guard dog was mackin it to some hydrant... Inside was like nothing i'd ever seen before...Golden Boxes of Pure Morning Greatness.  Riboflavin-Oh's, Puffity Slush, Gobz of Ch00gar...and the almighty Cap'n Crack... Oh how i dreamed of the bowl that i had abandoned back at the base... But now was not the time to faulter, i had to keep my eye on the prize...i needed the Cow-Juice.  THERE IT WAS... In the dairy section...all the way at the back of the store...All I needed to do was grab the gallon and run for dear life...

~~SNATCH~~

DWEEEEE DWEEEEE DWEEEEEEEE DWEEEEEEE!!!!!
INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT~!! JACK-MOVE IN PROGRESS~!!

F*CK, I'd been made~  I had to BLAST MY WAY UP OUTTA THERE!  TWO BOGEYS ON TOP OF THE FROZEN POT PIES!  Pulled out the M-16 from my trusty army knife and BAM BAM~  Sent those Cereal Nazi's screamin like a buncha pansies.... they won't be pressing those boring assed Corn Flakes and Plain Cheerios on my people ANYMORE... Someone threw a Honey Comb bomb...Beez were EVERYWHERE... F*CK IM A-SCARED OF INSECTS!  NOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~  But im not goin out like dat... Picked up some Wheaties and started eatin'... I grew into a Life-sized BO JACKSON and started throwing baseballs at the beez~!!  "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, BEES~!!" and i F*CKED thos beez up... I ran out the exit, past the hydrant-humpin dog, and the broken retinal scanner and ran bak home...  Took the grappling hook and rope out of my Army Knife and scaled the wall...tunneled  mah way back into the A/C ducts and dropped back into my house...Mission accomplished~  I went to the kitchen to pour that sexy, milky-milk all over My Cap'n Crack... when outta NOWHERE...

D.I.P.S (Male Unit): "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

F*CK~  I WAS SPOTTED... ABORT ABORT

Cleve: "Uh...i just went out for a walk...y'know it's such a nice day outside..."
D.I.P.S (Female Unit): "FABRICATION OF THE TRUTH!  FABRICATION OF THE TRUTH~!  INITIATING EXECUTION WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE..."
Cleve: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo.........."

CHU-BLAM, BAM BLAM BLAM BLAAAM~!!
WHIRRRRRR *snip...zzzt zzztttttzttzzz*
SPLORT~!   

and that's when i woke up...walked straight to the kitchen, poured a normal bowl of Cap'n Crunch...went back to my bed, ate it and went back to sleep...

DAMN, that was a tripped out dream... Sometimes i wonder...Just WHAT THE F*CK IS MY SUBCONSCIOUS DOING?!?  I mean, C'MON~  A Dream about FREAKIN' CEREAL?  That turns into ESCAPE FROM P.O.W CAMP?!?  I deserve a Handi-Capable™ sticker...  That's right, from this day forward, i will dub all stupid-assed stuff as Handi-Capable™ Therefore, I need a Handi-Capable™ sticker... *sigh...* I blame this along with many other problems on the existance of MTV.  (don't ask why...just accept that im right...)

Amuhrkah... What did we learn today?  One, Cap'n Crack will KILL YA~!  Two, D.I.P.S do not love you.  They will KiLL YO ASS TOO (oftentimes quicker than any Cereal Nazi...)  Three, Dogs Love Fire Hydrants...even with their peepee.

On a more down-to-earth note, they just opened this badass movie theatre in H-Town where you can watch movies and order food and stuff and for older movies, they have comedians RAG on the movie, like Mytery Science Theatre.  So, GUESS WHAT YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ABOUT TOMORRO!  Aww yeah, das right... PLAYING MORROWIND *snarf* HOYLE GLAYV'N...

More Sh*t Later...