I know now its not who you are....its who you know. And i clearly know what road to take. My parents and i got into a big fight. My dad was supposed to move out....but my mom begged him to stay so.. Im leaving. Im gonna wait a couple weeks. But as soon as i can, im gone. I cant forgive my dad again. Not after what happened. So ya, i have been looking at apartments around town, now all i have to do is decide if im staying in olathe or not. I have too many bad memories here, and i need to get away before i hit rock bottom.

My mom goes to the doctor again the 30th, and she will probably find out more about how long she has to live and shit. Well im gonna go, i dont have anything to important  to talk about.

~~*Ashli

Ok well im gonna update again. Seeing as how i forgot to mention someone and i got yelled at. Well i talked to Ross, im talkin to him right now actually. And he thinks he is good at being sarcastic but hes not. lol. But its ok Ross, I still love ya. I dont think i can stay pissed at Ross, he cheers me up. And he is so amusing and sweet to talk to. Hes a great friend and im glad that we are friends. He's lucky i didnt pull his pants down and walk around naked in public for being mean to me. I might have to make a trip to Cali just to do that. It would be fun to see.  But he said hes sorry, and how can i not forgive him? Ross is so awesome. And I might be going to Cali for christmas or something to suprise him. Well guys im outty...

~~*Ashli

 little inside joke... No Ross im not cheating on you.... lol

I swear i have fucked up more things this year. Most of you know about zach, the cute guy (as aly called him) who moved in by me. Well, now we arent talkin and i dont know why we arent. I miss talkin to him and hanging with him. Oh fuck!! I miss him period. I cant figure out if i did anything to him or what. I just wish we were talkin. I dont even see him anymore. Which i have been outta school a lot cuz i got arrested, jason and i got married and now we're getting divorced  and i failed my u/a. Sadly, im off the basketball team and got kicked off the swim team. But im playin bball at Joco. The scouts have been breathing down my neck. Im hoping i can get back in season that way i have more of a chance.

 Things are going badly. My mom has liver cancer, and she is too far in to be saved. It scares me so much, i hate her sometimes but the thought of her dying, is unbearable. And i have been so fuckin bitchy these last few weeks, and to all of my friends, I'm so sorry. I didnt mean to take it out on you, i love you guys. You are my friends always and forever. I have some bad news to break to you guys......Im moving to london this summer. Im gonna miss all of you. I moving there till i get called for duty, i finshed boot camp and training and now im just waiting for them to call me up. And if you dont know about that either, i joined the marines.

I didnt think i would do it or be able to make it through boot camp but i did. So i guess i better party as much as i can and enjoy my time in kansas while i can, cuz before u know it im gonna be going to iraq. Thats what our sargeant told us. Im kinda scared but i dont regret a bit of it. Well im outty.......

~~*Ashli

Well, well. The time of year has come again. Halloween....i remember when i used to go trick-or-treatin with my friends. But when i was 12 i quit all that shit. Now all i do is party 24/7. I have become someone i dont recognize, but if this is a way for me to actually not care about anything, bring on the alcohol and the partying. Im going to like 4 frat parties this weekend. And not to mention a hottie asked me out today, but i turned him down because of Jason. Jason's back, and now i dont know what to do. Im just so in love with him, and all wrong seems right with him. Everything is better when we are together. I love him and always have, and he loves me too. Thats the only thing going right in this fuckin world of mine. You know sometimes, i just go in the bathroom and take a hot bubble bath and shut the lights of and light a candle and just relax in the bathtub with my stereo up as loud as i can get it. Sometimes thats all i can do to keep from doing something stupid. Its my thinking time, and i have had a lot of time to think.

When i leave for the marines, I know its the right thing to do. I will miss all of you, well, most of you, dearly but maybe this will be good for my life....whats left of the puzzle pieces, anyway. In fact, i know it will be good, so it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. Its important to me and most of you support support it. And if you love me and respect me, really respect me, you will support me too. Even if you dont agree with my decision. After all thats what true friends and family are....

~*Ashli