My thoughts, my feelings, my life.I don't know why I'm writing and allowing myself to feel like this. After all the ordeal, the stress, anxiety, dissapointment, sadness, relief, and supposed closure...... I'm still allowing myself to be like this........ The more and more I feel that she is happy with her new man, the more and more I become bitter. I know deep inside I only want her to be happy, but I feel like strong bitterness is coming in. Maybe its a sense of lost cause, maybe its a sense of I was done wrong, maybe because of the sense of betrayal, or maybe its a sense of finding an answer I'll never be able to accept within my heart. Is this a common feeling to have? Is this something I should keep inside and let brew? I have no fuckin clue. She did me wrong, so why can't I do her wrong by telling people all the lies she tells to her family, her friends, and her faggot ass boy who didnt have the courage to man-up and took advantage of her when she was most vulnerable? Why can't I tell the world how her friends are the very same ones who saw her all cozied up at a super bowl party with a hickie on a guy's neck 1 week after she claims she wanted to be "single" and told me that she's single? Why can't I tell the world how she went out every night for 2 weeks from 10pm ~4am every weeknight to go out with supposed friends when no bars open past 2am on weekdays? Why can't I tell the world that I watch her family worry to death and for her to neglect the fact that her own selfishness comes in front of family when she was the very same one who preached the importance of family? Why can't I tell the world that while she was away to vegas, I was the one she wanted to talk to and not to her new man? Why can't I tell the world while I was crying a lake at home and work, the world kept movin, and she is having the best time of her life with this new guy? Why can't I tell the world that I'm in so much pain..........yet she could care less? Why can't I tell the world that she cheated on him while she was with him already? Why can't I tell the world that I don't give a damn, but I do give a damn? Why can't I tell the world that I'm watching another friend going thru the whole thing, and I am telling him advice i couldnt keep myself? Why can't I tell the world that I know I want her to be the happiest person in the world? Why can't I tell the world that I am struggling so much holding all this in? Why can't I tell the world that its none of my business and I'm a damn idiot and a dumb focker? Why can't I tell the world that I am so lost and that I am feeling bitterness because I was done wrong? Why can't I tell the world that I just want to wake up one day and just burn down the other dood's house? Why can't I tell the world that she was my best friend and if I lost anything, it was that? Why can't I tell the world that no matter what anyone does, you can't buy love? Why can't I tell the world that he tried to holler at her best friend while he was dating someone? Why can't I tell the world how I was played? Why can't I tell the world I first found out about this guy when her sister and I caught her over at the dood's house at 11pm and yet I refused to believe it? Why can't I tell the world that for the first time ever, I realized how weak I was? Why can't I tell the world I hold one of the biggest secrets about her right now, and yet I have not told anyone? Wait, I know why to all these answers....... ..........its cuz thats what love fuckin does to ya. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -A friend told me a story once:
She says, "I asked my good friend after all the long relationships my friend has gone thru 'why did you decide to settle this one rather than any of them in the past?' "....
Her reply? "I could have married any one of them and lived happily ever after....but I woke up one day and said to myself, 'Could I live without this person in my life?' ...and the answer was no. That's when I knew that he was the one" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thom, or whatever the hell your name is, I truly hope you screw up. You don't deserve her. You can't hustle a hustler. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- But for whoever may be reading this....that still talks to katie....or her new man.......
I always wanted to do this, so please pass this along to them.... 10 things that will light up katie even on her worst day............. 10. Send her stargazer lillies...she loves the big blooming ones...get her a vase, and have them blooming at the most random places....her room, her workplace, anywhere. Quality is important, but quantity is even more important. haha. 9. When she's hungry, she'll pout. Suck it up, and let her decide on what she feels like eating. Give her options of foods until you can narrow it down to two choices. This will typically be something asian, and somewhere with soup. She doen't eat mexican, indian, or italian unless its with work or friends. she'll never go to those places with you. haha. When you order, order based on what she orders. 80% of the time, you will be able to eat her leftovers, so order your portion accordingly to save $$ haha. 8. Keep telling her that guys like home-made things more than materialistic things. Tell her you want her to make you a home-made card than buying you a name-brand belt. She'll resist, but it will teach her to be more caring to the counter part. haha. 7. When she wants to buy clothes, tag along and tell her that they are ugly no matter how cute they look on her. Subtly budget her money so she doesn't go on shopping sprees. She'll say whatever, but do whats necessary to make her leave with nothing in her hand. This may typically mean promising her things you'll eventually get around to.  6. When she wants to sleep early, just let her sleep. She'll sleep for 10 hrs, but the more you resist, the more she will cop an attitude. Let her sleep and if you wake up before her, bring her a hot grande white-chocolate mocha from Starbucks. She'll absolutely love it. If you ever need her up early, tell her the night before that she needs a good nite's rest so she can go on a shopping spree tomorrow morning. Set a price for her, but she wont buy anything b/c she'll eventually not be able to find anything, or feel bad. you walk away smiling. hehe....
Know that she rubs her feet together when she is trying to go to sleep, so don't question the funny activity. Know that she likes a particular smell....but unfortunately only my scent will forever be the best. Know to always have soft aloe-tissue box in your room. She sniffs a lot like she's sick, so she uses lots of tissue. 5. When you cook for her, always have tea ready. She loves Genmai-cha, and although she wont seem appreciative, knowing you had it ready will come in handy when she demands it ,if tea isnt available, have hot water ready. she drinks it down like beer. 4. She gets mad at anything and everything. Just smile and don't argue back. You'll get used to it, and find it cute when she's angry. Know that she doesn't like sitting near entrance ways when you are at a restaurant. Know that her purse needs its own seat. Know that she gets cold easily so always keep a track jacket in your trunk. Know that she likes booths at restaurants rather than tables. Know that she'd prefer hot tea over cold water. Know that when you do surprises, she'll act like she already knew, but 99% of the time, she has no clue. Know that she doesn't like children. She thinks they take away the attention from herself, so make sure you remind her that she is more important. heehee. 3. She has to have body wash, shampoo, conditioner, and face wash in the bath tub before she hops in. She has to have a toothbrush, her own dryer, and her own bath towel that is extra fluffy. get the good kind at Linen's and Things. 2. She loves pigs. No matter how much she says she'll pass it all down to her niece, if you find anything that is a pig and cute, you need to get it. 1. Know that no matter if she doesn't say thank you or acknowledge all your hard work you do behind the scenes, she is actually grateful, and is the most wonderful person in the world. Know that she can be your everything as long as you are 100% of her everything haha. Know that she will always change her mind constantly, so give her options so she can choose. She may take the wrong path, but atleast you can later tell her, "i told ya so bebe". Know that you have to hold her hand as she goes through the journey of life, because no matter how tough she acts it, she can always use some help. Know that she loves to go on trips. Be reasonable and make sure you force her to compromise. She'll want to go to a warm place, so if you choose a cold place, plan a warm place vacation 6months after. and lastly, Live life like there's no tomorrow, love her like you've never been hurt, and always make it a point to make her laugh. Man up and cry if you feel you need to. She may crush your heart at any time, but I tell you what, you won't regret one bit of it, b/c she will make the time you're with her the best time of your life. dont even know if all this even helped me tonight.... I think i'm bi-polar from reading everything I wrote above. i guess its as real as it gets. I hope i can go to sleep tonite.... | 
Premium
