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| Friends and familyI have some interesting new facebook friends from people I knew in England...that I really haven't kept in touch with. I started facebook my 3rd year of undergrad and my friends from England I had somewhat still kept in touch with. But recently these new facebook friends have gotten in touch. Its wierd.... I mean that in the best since of the word. ITs not like I haven't searched to see if these people were on facebook....I had. But now they are friends. I wonder what they remember about me. Is it the same memories I have of them?
Recently I've been wondering about my friendships here. Will we keep in touch....besides facebook. I don't know...b/c sometimes especially when Grey's Anatomy is not on, facebook is my means of knowing what going on in their life. And we have class 5 days a week together. Out of our somewhat clique. I'm the married one...I have someone to go home too. I understand that. I dont tell them my secrets b/c I have someone to tell my secrets too. Are they real friends??? We talk, we have fun, we bicker. Would we be friends in the real world. I don't know. I'm not saying they are people I would never associate with at all but we come from very different lives. ONly one of them knows what its like to be a military kid and that was only for a few years...she was in one place most of her life. What I consider my real friends....Stef, Veronica, even Tia. These are the girls I share my secrets with, the ones I turn too when I'm upset (mostly stef). Then in my class there is Ryan, who I thought was a close friend....but I seem to be annoying him lately. That has always been an experience with me....people get tired of me....of my attitude...of my confidence (or at least acting like I have confidence). What is wrong with confidence in an answer. If I think its right I'm confident about it. If I'm not right, yes I'm embarresed...but I can correct myself. IS my type A personality too much. WHy do I correct people too much. WHy is expressing my opinion a bad thing. What's wrong with my opinion. I'm not tryng to change yours, I just want you to understand mine. And I do think I listen to other peoples opinion....but I also want people to justify it too. Most the time when I leave emotion out of it...I can justify my opinion. These have been issues my whole life...and not just with my friends but with family too.
So this is my blog and I can say what I want and no I don't want to talk about it even if majority of readers are family I'm saying it. I don't think my family gets me. LAst X-mas I was excited to be home...but I was very disapointed in the presents...not that they were bad presents but that it was like no one knew what to get me. Chris pointed out that I'm hard to shop for.....am I. If you don't know what to get me...give me cash or a gift card with adequate amount of money for me to shop for me...believe me I enjoy that. CRT got me this random Textbook on CD that is how to handle mammals...it was weird. I don;t know...it just goes with I don't fit in with my family...I never did, I'm not shy, or into music, or the same type movies, I express my opinions, I keep up with the news and whats going on in the world, I have long-term goals for many years that don't change with the whim, I have a 5-year plan. I have a better relationship with my parents then I used to...which I like, I really do...but I'm different from them in lots of ways, I'm not close to my siblings. When we go home I enjoy seeing my family but they don't hang out like the Wrightens do. I'd say I'm closer to Chris's brothers and thier wifes then I am to my siblings. And yes, I want to be close to my family but we don't really have a lot in common, its like football and we are democrats...thats it really. I like to watch and play sports my siblings don't really. I don't think my family knows me. I don't know what to explain how to know me so don't ask. When Tia and I talk its about politics, or her kid, or our sex lives, or gossip in the Wrighten family, or just updates. I don't really talk to my siblings....I'm excited my sister is coming down for Thanxgiving...but I don't know what to do, I'll be doing research...and she can come or stay home. I don't have money to do anything really. My brother came down my freshman year with his fiancee now, and they kept to themselves, I barely met her b/c she was upset about something. When we tried to do this talking on the phone thing...we really had nothing to talk about. OF course I love my family, that's never a doubt.... And Erin, I don't know her too well. She's nice I guess. I think she should have involved SET and I in the wedding planning. But when I emailed CRT a much nicer than how I really felt about it email he responded that it was thier wedding and they are planning it. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and I guess I expect that with her. She is marrying into our family. She should have to interview, I think. I had to interview with the Wrightens. She should try harder for us to like her and accept her. The fact that she's already said she wants to be the first in our family to have a kid...not only does that severly hurt me, b/c out of all of us, Chris and I are at a better place in live to have kids, but also they don't even know what they are gonna do when they get done with college. They don't even know where they are going to live..probably Indiana b/c that's where she's from...or...you could base it on where you get the best job...not go somewhere and find the best job there. I just think she should care more about pleasing our parents and her future sister-in-laws...well SET might not have a bad opinion...but I'm not too satisfied. She needs to act her age....and she's only two months younger than me....so yes, I have the right to compare her age to how she acts in my opinion. For goodness sake her parents still pays her bills. . I'm done.....this is how I feel. I'm not putting it on private b/c this is how I feel, but no...I dont really want to talk about it. Maybe its just me and my relationships with people besides Chris. I can accept that I'm a common denominator in these ventings. and didn't really get into depth about the friend thing.
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| So much to do and so little time.I have a final on Monday, then I have to do a case study by Thur. And then doing a diagnostic procedure in surgery on Tue. And that's about it for Vet school. For research I have to isolate RNA, run a QT-PCR, write an abstract, write a grant, oh and take pictures for a brochure for Office of Research and Graduate studies, also ask professors to be on my advisory committee, and do my plan of study. (all this make significant progress in this next week) As a wife, I have to clean house, do laundry, and try to pay bills while having little money.
I have to find money so Chris can rent a tux and I can buy a dress. And I have to find time to exercise. I decided this week I would take off b/c I needed time to study. Tomm. I'm going to start again. I have to find my goggles, or I guess by some new ones again (no money)...so I can keep swimming. I have to make time to body pump. I have start eating right agian.
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| Long and Tiring weekThis week....has been long and tiring. I'm glad its over. But I still have a final on Mon and next weekend I have a fall break but I'll be doing research...which I enjoy but I'll be rushing to get a bunch of stuff done so hopefully it will work. Yesterday Chris mentioned that I was depressed. I was like no. But then today looking at Mimi's wedding pics on facebook, I might be. When I was depressed I would see other peoples life and cry b/c I wanted it. I mean like okay Mimi (a friend from highschool in England) got married to a guy she's been with for maybe 3 years. She got engaged in like June and they got married last weekend. I was looking at the pics and was emotional...not b/c it was a wedding...b/c I was saying to myself...my wedding was bigger, my cake was better, my reception hall was more pretty...and it was...but I was emotional b/c she was so happy. Now, I've said on many occasions I want to get married again. I mean really my wedding was a lot of fun. Its still talked about in Chris's family. and every wedding we've been too since gets compared to ours....its only been two, Chris's brothers...so the same guests and afterwards its not just me who thinks my wedding was better. But the wedding its all about us. its a huge party for us...and of course I want all the attention on me....but back to the depression thing. The emotional over the wedding happens b/c I guess I'm jealous of thier happyness. Not that I'm unhappy. I'm just stressed I think. I have lots of stuff to do and no time to do it. I'm just keeping my eye open for more signs...so i can keep it in check. I don't want to be depressed again.
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| I lost itno, not my brain...though I'm very close to it. No, I lost my engagement ring. And I'm very upset about it. Here's the story. Sunday I took a shower and placed my rings (engagement, wedding, and 2 class rings highschool & college) on the 2nd shelf in my bathroom b/c they get caught on my hair....both monday and this morning I reminded myself to put them back on. I forgot. So this afternoon as soon as I get home I go to put my rings on and what do I see.....3 rings....my engagement ring is missing. SO I call Chris...trying not to panic...and ask him if he moved it. HE said no, he had knocked down some bottles and my wedding ring had fallen, s he put it back up on the shelf but not my engagement ring. Then I panic. I'm moving the cabinent looking under and behind it. I'm looking behind the toilet, mocing things on both shelves and its nowhere. So I call Chris again in full panic. He reassures me that its most likely in the bathroom. So after 10min of bawling. I calm down and get back to studying....b/c I don't have time to freak out. Chris gets home and searches. Saying it may have fallen in the clothes he had on the floor when he took a shower and it could have gotten carried across the house. NO there's no happy ending. I'm convinced its gone. I'm very upset. That's $2000 missing. Yep. When Chris got 3 new diamonds in the band last year for my b-day and X-mas present...that's how much it was. Its the money its the fact that its gone, when I reminded myself to put it on. Its that I'm proud to wear this ring and compare it to others, where before that I hated when people wanted to see it. If it were my high school class ring...yes I would be upset...but not nearly as much. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to calm down so I can focus and study. I mean I can't do anything if its gone. Maybe it will just show up. In movies...it would be like Chris took it to get something done to it...but no...seeing as we have no money and he got stuff done to it last year. But yes, I'm very upset and crying and I just wish it would show up in a place we've looked at, I just want my ring.
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| The futureI think about the future a lot, I'm pretty sure I always have. I knew I'd be a vet and a mom. Those were like my lifelong dreams. And now, well I'm still gonna be a vet and a mom...and I guess good wife now is a dream too. BUt my career path has changed from being a practictioner to a Veterinary Biomedical Scientist. And knowing that there aren't many of those you would thing there is a world of oppurtunity...and I'm sure there is. But to the future, we've talked about where we want to settle down and live and have kids....well, There are times when I"m like...okay I could stay here....right now I"m at a complete opposite of that feeling. I dont want to live in LA, AL, or Miss....I'm tired of it. Wouldn't mind going back to NOVA/MD. Thought about FL and NC or SC. even Penn. These are about where vet schools are. But I have to get to that point. My career path still frightens me slightly. Yes, I'm still excited by it...but it would be easier to get out in 4 yrs and practice....instead of at least 3more years of school, a post-doc then being an faculty member that constently has to contribute to science to get money and continue my career. I love science, as far as I know I always have. I love animals. I love the prospects of a professor and teaching. I'm scared of the failing...its so easy I think. If you don't ask the right questions...or if what I'm interested doesn't matter enough to get grants to sustain my career. Things like that. I have a great graduate advisor, I've learned a lot from and I'm sure I will continue to learn from...but its still a scary career path. AND I'm really tired of explaining to people why I want to do this...it isn't the explaining part...its that people for some reason don't understand how a vet could do research.....aaaahhh...no I don't want to be a lab animal vet...I want to be a scientist who is a vet. thus I have a better understanding of veterinary physiology as well as the abiltiy and knowledge to contribute to science. Animal models contribute a huge amount to human research. And in the majority of places it is done with high high respect for the animals and thier sacrifice for science. Whether its sacrifice of life or sacrifice of putting up with our multiple experiments...ranging from AIing, or muscle biopsy, or whelping, injections, or dealing with thier natural disease. There is a huge respect for these animals. PLUS, I have several posters,bookmarks which state "Animal research saves animals, too." people seem to forget this.
The Veterinarian's Oath~ the 1st time I read this upon being admitted to vet school, I cried b/c it encompasses everything I've ever wanted to do. It still gets me everytime too.WE may be the most respected profession but we aren't always given the respect we deserve. There are many types of doctors, PhD's, MD's, DVM's, DD's JD's.....and more...but why is the only "real doctor" MD's.....does that make sense to anybody??
Veterinarian's Oath
Being admitted to the
profession of veterinary medicine, I solemnly swear to use my
scientific knowledge and skills for the benefit of society through the
protection of animal health, the relief of animal suffering, the
conservation of animal resources, the promotion of public health, and
the advancement of medical knowledge.
I will practice my profession conscientiously, with dignity, and in keeping with the principles of veterinary medical ethics.
I accept as a lifelong obligation the continual improvement of my professional knowledge and competence.
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