Today’s Topic: The Loews Conspiracy

As many of you know, I’ve been working at Loews this summer to waste some time and get free movies. But what you don’t know is that most of the people who work there with me are, how should I put this… FUCKING NIGGERSPIC MORONS.

Let’s take this one by one shall we?

Fat-Rob:

This fat homo is the worst of the bunch. Not because he’s stupid, or lazy, or a minority border-jumper. It’s because he’s all three. No, he’s not mentally retarded. That’s Roxanne. But even she’s alright because she’s willing to work (even if no one lets her cuz she’ll set the kitchen on fire.) Fat-Rob on the other hand, has been here for less than a month and will find any excuse not to work. He’ll stand at the side and play with his dong while kids like Danny are ass deep in shit trying to clean out the garbage. And he’ll try to play it off by saying bullshit like, “oh, I’m helping. I’m supervising while you do all the work cuz my spic gene forbids me from doing anything other than bragging about my make-believe girlfriend who gives good head.” Kudos dingleberry, not everyone can brag about their mother like that. Here’s a typical conversation I have with him on a daily basis:

F-B ~ “Hey man, can you take over my station for a minute?”

Me  ~ “What? What for?”

F-B ~ “Oh I have to do (insert bullshit here).”

Me  ~ “No I’m busy. You don’t need to do that, just stay and work.” Or “No, get back on your station, I’ll get (insert supervisor/item).”

F-B ~ “Aw you suck man.”

Me  ~ “Shut up and get back to work. I’ve been working here a lot longer than you. Don’t make me call immigration.”

This fucker even has the balls to try to apply for the new supervisor position. Like anyone working there would ever listen to this fuckhead. I’m not the only one. If anyone should be supervisor, it’d be me. If I actually gave a damn about the shitty 25 cent raise, I might actually do it just so fags like Fat-Rob can’t get away with shit like that. If he was made supervisor, he’d probably just walk around like he’s the shit of the theater with his hand in his pocket trying to find is dick while telling everyone else to work.

Little Mike:

This little nigger might seem like he’s aiight, but don’t let that fool you. This little 19 year-old has been there so long he’s already a supervisor. That would be rather impressive considering his age, but not if you factor in the fact that he’s still working there. “Oh, but he must be hard working to get that far up.” Um, no, fucknut. It just means he can’t find a better job. You’d think a hardworking or intelligent man would still be working at a Loews? (I don’t claim to be either, so Loews is fine with me.) Further more, he’s a slacker. Like every other black guy at work, he just walks around and only does something when it absolutely has to be done. Even then, he’ll usually tell someone else to do it. EXCEPT when it comes to getting supplies, which he takes great joy in. Why you ask? Because he can disappear for hours at a time and fuck around with his nigger buddies on the cell and leave the rest of us in the concession stand to fend for ourselves. Does it really take 45 min to go up 2 floors to a supply closet to get a box of forks? Apparently it does if you’re black. I do more for the guys in the stand in a few hours than he does all day. And who do you think has to look after the stand when he decides to take his little constitutionals? ME. And why? Because it would all go to hell if I didn’t. Fuckheads like Fat-Rob can’t take a shit without someone helping them out.

Raheem:

He’s black. Very black. The "spend 20 min in the punch out room talking on the cell while the theater gets swamped" kind of black. Oh, and that do-rag you always wear on duty? It needs to go. You too Ronald. I don’t remember seeing a ghetto in theater 3.

Justin:

You’re not black. Sorry buddy. And keep your eyes to yourself the next time I bring my lil sis to see a movie.

Saggy:

As you might have guessed, she sags. A lot. But obesity is [now] a disease. So I’ll let that slide. But to be an incompetent manager is just plain stupid. Screwing up scheduling, money banks, you name it. If it’s wrong, it was probably Saggy. Especially if there’s missing cookies from the coffee stand.

Karen:

Now don’t get me wrong, I love lesbians. But I hate dykes (no, I’m not jealous that they’re manlier than I am – but I’m fairly sure Karen has a bigger penis). In the words of Big Al, “the first day she stepped in here I knew she done eat more pussies than everyone in here.” This, ladies and gentlemen, is the boss substituting for our old boss who’s on maternity leave. In other words, our bosses have gotten progressively shittier. We’ve gone from an anally crazy preggo to an anally retentive carpetmuncher. I long for the days when the gremlin Raika comes back so she can show this rainbow lovin fuck who’s boss. Let’s give a recount on how she’s doing so far:

- Disgruntled man comes to Loews and yells at the stand crew because he hadn’t gotten laid since that time when he was 9 and his dad came into his room in the middle of the night.

- Danny tells the man to “chill.”

- Stupid idiot doesn’t understand what it means.

- Karen bitches Danny out for saying “chill” to a customer.

- Danny gets new internship; he can only work on Saturdays.

- Karen acts like a bitch.

- Danny comes in one day and finds that he’s been taken off the schedule.

- Karen, still a bitch.

- Danny talks to Karen and finds out that “it’s not going to work out.”

- Karen whips out her strap-on with the word “bitch” engraved on the shaft.

- Danny talks to all the other employees and supervisor and finds out Karen doesn’t have the power to fire him for only working one day a week.

- Karen services herself.

- Danny goes back to talk to Karen, and Karen changes her tune and says he’s only going to work when he’s “called in.”

- Danny technically still works at Loews, but doesn’t have to do anything and can still get free movies. I don’t know why he’s so upset about it. I wish I can be “fired” too.

- Karen goes home and cries in her bed wondering why god has forsaken her. Then whips out the strap-on again.

There’s a bunch of other people there, but I don’t care enough to learn their names. But they’re not all complete retards. The regular crew with Master Shake, Meatwad, and of course, myself, the Fry-man. Not to mention sexy Connie and hot, hot manager Vanessa who always smells a mix between beautiful and sex. She’d be great if she never talked and just walked back and forth in front of the stand…naked. And, of course, Big Al. Loews ain’t shit without Big Al, the 300 lb kick-boxing champion supervisor. No bullshit, just work and go home.