Currently Watching Donnie Darko By Jake Gyllenhaal see related

Hay everyone check this out. My whole life is starting to fall apart in my eyes. I dont feel good and I cant help but wonder what am I still alive for. I know I am probibly going to get yelled at by someone about this but you know I could care less when I am like this.I have been having a reoccuring dream lately. It has all my friends. Like Rob, Nicole, Brittany, Spades, Kristin, Korin, Everyone in the whole world that I know. They are standing around something. They are smiling and laughing at it pointing and saying things that I cannot hear. I get in closer and see it is my own dead body. I dont know how I died but I know I probibly killed myself. I guess that since I have no heart left to give out it has been destroyed from the inside. I love and take all the pain from it and never let it out. It hurts to let this raging fire burn within me. I know I sound all depressed and stuff like that but I dont really care. I have been running away from all my past memories that I hated and now all are comeing back. All the mean words the yelling the laughing everything that I grew up with. It sets off this fuse that just makes me blow up in pain and sorrow. I have no one anymore everyone seems to just hate me now and I cant do anything about it. I know I shouldnt be saying this because I have a girlfriend but I love Brittany and I have for so very long. I know I cannot have her so you know I watch over her. I listin to her problems and when she cries I am there. Korin and I for some reason we are attracted to eachother and I love her too a lot. She is great in my eyes she is perfect and nothing can change that. Even if I might die sometime this year or the next I will have no regrets. I feel no one loves me. I kind of tested that with Kristin and Brittany on the last day of summer school. I hope whoever knows them and can contact them tell them this. If they really love me why did they decide to stop trying to help me and fool around with some guys who have no true respect for them? Guys like John and Derik do not understand what it means to be a good friend and a good human. All they think about is one three letter word "sex" thats all that is on there brain. I am going to kill myself I know that and before I do I want them to hear this. So please anyone out there tell them this copy and paste it to something so you can read it to them. I am so tired of being here and having nothing left inside of me. I am breaking down after these 16 years of taking pain and acting like I have nothing wrong. I have been made fun of all my life for no reason. Not because I was loude, active, or even a loser but just because I was the easiest to pick on. so if my friends want to stop me go a head and try to stop me by calling me and telling me things for all I know this might be the last entry or the begining of a new life. I cant take this one anymore. I need to find nirvana through death or love and right now I have no love. I am dead in everyones eyes now and I could really just sit here and cry but the worst part is I cant cry. I might someday but I have no one to just restrain me all they will do is yell at me on the phone. Whatever I got to go

From the stuped idiot who is and has nothing left,

Donnie

Ok I have been going all philoshophical and stuff all week so I thought of this right now" What is freedom? We are in the country of the free and the just. But we live by laws and rules that restrict our freedom. So what is freedom other than a false illusion that is probibly a dream."