Currently Playing Goodbye to All That By Low & Sweet Orchestra see related

Ok. I decided that I don't think I like xanga anymore so yeah. It doesn't really help me really. I don't really say all that I want to say anyway because I know people are going to be reading it and sometimes I say things specifically at other people. I don't think I always come off the way that I want to and I just think that this season in my life is over. I can't play with xanga when I'm at home anyways and I'll be heading home in a week and a half so I think I won't be doing it at all come Spring Semester. So this is probably the last entry ever. I'll just keep the thinger so I can comment on my friends' sites. I love you all ... its been an interesting experience. I'd like to say that this isn't because of anyone specifically or anything that anyone said just a decision that I am making. I don't need this extra stress and it doesn't help me to have people I don't even know or talk to know my deepest darkest emotional problems (thats the joy of the few select ones that I choose) And since I don't know how to write without pouring my heart out so I just rather not write at all.

Once again, this has nothing to do with anyone. Especcially not Melanie's (shopnonstop) she may have been part kidding but a lot what she had to say was so right on. I love you all but this season is over.

*~*~*~*~*~Farewell xanga world~*~*~*~*~*

One last final ::: *muah* :::

Goodness gracious my mind drives me crazy! I don't even know if that is completly possible but yep it does. Why do I care so much? Why do I love so much? Why do I long so much? Why do I cry so much? Why do I laugh so much? Why does my heart bleed so much? Why do I hate so much? Why does a little thing consume my entire mind? Why does how someone else is living their life hurt me? Why do I have so many crushes?  Why do I hurt so much? Why am I full of so much joy?  Why do I do everything with so much passion and so much excess?

And you...you my good Christian friend say "because God made you that way" lol ah the typical answer. Gotta love it. Yep God made me this way. He's a weird one that God lol I love Him beyond all life or even to actual death...but you have to admit He's an odd fellow.

Speaking of death. Many of you may know that I say from time to time that I wouldn't mind dying at all. I don't mean that I'm out to kill myself I just mean that I would much rather be dead with Christ then to be living right now. And you know what? That is outright selfish. You know what that means? That means I feel the heck with God's plan for my life, the heck with what He wants with me I just want to be with Him and not be responsible for any more pain, hurt, dissapointment, anger or tears. I just want to sit in His arms and be a big baby for all of eternity. I want the easy way out and I cover it up with the glow of "I love God so much that I rather just be with Him" Well la-ti-da...suck it up cup cake and take it like a man. You're stronger then this and you know better then this and you have lived with the Holy Spirit as your guide for WAY too long to go on thinking like this. You know stop this self-pity party that you have for yourself 24-7. About how God isn't talking to you and telling you where to go about how God isn't giving you that boyfriend/husband that you think you need. About how your family life at home sucks. And about how you have NO idea whats going to happen tomorrow let alone in 2 and 1/2 years after you graduate from this place. You live for Christ and not yourself. You live for the cross and not your own causes. You gave up your heart a LONG time ago and its all His so deal with it. He's going to do things His way and its not like you're going to leave Him so you might as well make the most of the ride. Don't even kid about being an subordinate child because you don't know how not to be a Christian. So yet again, suck it up cupcake and cut out the pity party and bring back that crazy optimism that you were known for in high school. The happy go-lucky easygoing Stacy that everyone loves. Sure you may not feel like it but after awhile your actions will fix your attitude. You cannot live those 5 weeks at home thinking like this. You'll spiritually die...the heck with physically dying. You owe it to your Daddy to cut the crap.

Yes...I just spent most of this entry talking to myself but someone had to say it. I wish someone would have given me that answer awhile ago instead of "maybe you should pray about it" it's called tough love kids. I hope my future husband knows how to tell me like it is. Love ya'll *muah*

Have a fantastic Thanksgiving beloved! I pray you all safety as you go your random directions. Hopefully my computer will be fixed over the break...Jon I love you sooo much for doing this for me!!!!! You're the bestest friend in the entire universe times at least 10! You rock! Plus its a win-win situation cause you get to talk to me again

I'm going home after my next class...one hour and 20 minutes and I'm gone. I don't care that I'll be hungry I'll eat when I get home. lol I can't wait...there will definitely be wheels squeeling and dust cloud as I get out of here. Love ya'll and will miss...well some of you *muah*

It is Sunday night and I head for home the day after tomorrow. Which speaking of I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" the movie the other night...well I didn't see the first half hour or so ...I walked in as soon as all the bad stuff was happening. Was it a good movie? Yeah it was alright but there was a very very unnecessary part that still has me mad. Well frustrated lol cause I mean COME ON!?? Was that really and completely necessary for the plot?? Did you run out of ideas?? You might as well had rapters in the movie! Cause that would have made just as much silly sense! ...if you saw the movie you can ask me what it was that brought on such passion inside your little friend....

 A little fact about Stacy: If you can't stand people talking during a movie, screaming during a movie, yelling at characters in the movie during the movie, or laughing hysterically at very serious parts then you can't watch a movie with me. Because I do all the above and more during a movie. I like to be interactive with a movie instead of just being a spectator. I realize this gets on some people's nerves and I'm sorry for you out there but this is who I am. I guess I could control it but I make the movie all the more fun. *shrugs* It'd be your loss hehe

In other news:  I might actually do homework while I'm home. Except I got a call from my mom that my old job at the place I worked in high school is in desperate need of help so I'm going to do what I can to help without killing myself. I'll have to think about it before I make any commitments.

In other other news: I love God so much. He is the only One who is faithful, He is the only One who never lets me down, He is the only One who never leaves my side, and He is my very very very best Friend. He loves me despite me. He sees all my crap and He loves me more then the people who see my sometimes fake happy side. I may spend the rest of my life with people coming and going and leaving me in their dust...but His love will never fail me. Somedays I may not be satisfied but He is more then enough whether I realize it or not.  I love God so much.