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Dangerous_Disciple
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Name: Jamie
Birthday: 6/1/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: foreign mission work, guitar, homeschool speech and debate, foreign languages, intel, US foreign policy, reading, photography, choir, acting, aviation, and so much more!
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  MissionaryMaiden
Member Since:
9/15/2004
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| Hmmm...So, I've become a Myspace person and it's stolen all my Xanga time.
That and I didn't have anything to really post.
But, alas, I think I am going to at least TRY to update Xanga once in awhile.
So, here we go my friends.
I'm not sure who I am anymore.
I mean, at the basic essence of myself, I don't know who I am.
Who I am hates who I've been, but who I've been hates who I am.
I know that doesn't make sense, but I'm really confused.
I hate the thought of being alone with myself, because that means that I would have to face who I've become.
I hate who I've become.
The innocent girl who enjoyed clouds and dreamed of making a difference is no longer.
That girl hates the girl she sees now when she looks in the mirror.
The girl who just wants to survive for one more day.
The girl who has no purpose, no ambition, no dream.
The girl whose thoughts are consumed with clothes, men, and work.
The girl whose soul is dirty, ragged, and tired.
The wide eyed innocent thinks that it's her fault that such depravity exists in the body and mind that used to be her home, and this new girl thinks that it's the innocent girl's fault. She scoffs and says "If you had known how this world is, you would have never dreamed. It's your fault for being ignorant of such things. It's your fault I'm disappointed."
And the wide-eyed innocent silently agrees.
Maybe she should have never dreamed.
Maybe she was never meant to make a difference.
Maybe she was never meant to have a purpose.
But she remembers a melody sang over her, softly.
The voice of her Heavenly Father.
Wrapped in His loving arms,
He sang to her.
He told her she did have a purpose,
She was worth something.
He said so.
And He never lied.
Still, she remembers only the melody,
Not the words.
And she agonizes over it.
Day and night,
She wishes to remember.
What's her purpose?
Why is she here?
And still, she doesn't remember,
He only sang when she asked.
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| Have You Ever...Felt like God was forming a speech or idea inside you and it was frustrating because it wasn't complete yet?
Lately I've felt like God is trying to tell me something and I'm
supposed to make a speech...something about the emptiness of life
without God...but I don't quite understand how these impressions are
interlinked. It so weird.
I went to this bar and then to this party at my neighbor's friend's
house...and the whole time I was thinking "This is
pointless...empty...vain...this isn't me...I know what fills the
emptiness...these people are searching for something that they aren't
getting. They want the alcohol and their friends to fill them. They get
a temporary high...but then they crash. It's empty....empty."
Empty. Searching. In vain.
I can't do this to myself anymore...I'm going to have to find a
different way to see my neighbor because I always feel as though I've
witnessed a tragedy after I go to those places. I do a pretty good job
of not doing anything compromising...and I know Jesus hung out in some
strange places...I just always want to jump on tables and start
preaching:
"Repent! Repent! He LOVES you! He wants you to know that! He loves you!
He loves you so much that He DIED for you! Don't you see?! HE LOVES
YOU!"
Hosea talks about the Israelites searching for God and not finding Him
because they were unrepentant. I wish that people would see in me
something that makes them ask "what's different about you?" I fear that
I will never live my life radically. Oh! the unimaginable horror of a
mediocre life!!! Come on, let's be revolutionaries! Anyone with me?
"Lord, help me to be a worldchanger!
Help me offer forgiveness and love to a suffering world! I can't do it
alone! On second thought, help me offer YOUR forgiveness and
love...because, Lord, my love is shallow and my forgiveness incomplete.
Help me to show them Your love and cause them to want what I have!
Proverbs 29:18 says
'Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.'
Give me a vision, Lord, for I am perishing. I waste away. I thirst, Lord. I hunger.
Fill me, Lord. With good things.
Amen."
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| HAPPY NATIONAL FLIP FLOP DAY!!!I don't know if you were aware of this...
but March 3rd is National Flip Flop Day!
Yay! 
Ok, I'm tired. Love you all.
~Jamie
PS I found my photocard....for those of you who knew it was lost...
you know what that means! YEAAAAAAAA! God is good! 
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♥Going to talk to Jesus!♥
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♥Aimee and Jamie go together like Rice and Curry!♥
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| CRYING SECTION...
When
was the last time you really cried your heart out?: I haven't let
myself feel for long enough to do that. I can almost guarantee that I
will be sobbing my eyes out when my big bro gets through with me though.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: yeah
Ever
cried on your friend's shoulder?: Once. David Lackey. July 2005. I HATE
crying in front of people. I hate it I hate it I hate it!
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: uh, no kidding...guys can be so terrible!
Do you cry when you get an injury?: not most of the time...I hate crying in front of people
Do
certain songs make you cry?: YES.
HAPPY SECTION...
Are you a happy person: I can be. I'm either really happy or really sad...or really "I don't care"
What
can make you happy?: alot of things.
Do you wish you were happier?: yes, most of the time
Can music make you happy? I suppose.
LOVE SECTION...
How many times have you had your heart broken?: once.
Do
you still have feelings for any of your old significant others?: a
better question would be "what type of feelings?" HAHA...no, that's a
complicated question...I suppose I'd have to say "yes" if I were to be
perfectly honest
Have
you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: you know, I
don't know...it'd be nice to say yes...but I don't know since I've
never been in that situation. For my family, probably. For Brittany?
Maybe.
Did
you ever love a
guy/girl, tell them that and only got a thanks?: Haha...I didn't even
get a "thanks"....but that's ok because it wasn't in the context you're
probably thinking of. I told a guy I loved him...not that I was "in
love" with him...and it was in the context of "Hey, I'm worried about
you."
Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'I love you' to
you?: if they did they were most likely drunk off their bums
HATE SECTION...
Who do you actually hate?: I don't think I hate anyone...that means I wish they were dead...but I strongly dislike some people
Ever made a hit list?: yup, but it was a "prayer hit list" HAHA
Have you ever been on a hit list?: wouldn't completely doubt it with some of the connections that people I've made mad have.
Are you a mean bully?: I can be. I try not to most of the time...but I definately can be
Do
you hate George Bush?: no, I generally support him...but I do think that some of his decisions are, perhaps, not the wisest.
SELF ESTEEM SECTION...
Is
your self-esteem extremely low?: I would have to say yes
When
people say they think you are good looking, do you deny you are?: I try
to remember "A compliment is a gift, not to be thrown away carelessly,
unless you want to hurt the giver." (Eleanor Hamilton)
Do
you wish you can be someone else?: nope
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|  I thought there might be some people who miss me. So here is a picture of me.
There...doesn't that make you feel better?
HAHA...no, so I was just goofing off and trying to figure out how the picture thing worked.
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