| | YeaI know, twice in a row but I promise no more after this.. Except for me possibly informing you of his decision, no more private entries. Ive already posted in my private blog... and I dont want him to let me stay jsut because I want it, it has to be because he wants it, so I cant post this there.. though I probably will and jsut end up privatizing it...
I dont know what to do. my head is killing me.... I cant even fucking sleep I'm so.... scared. Fuck, I am scared to fucking death. I dont knwo what I am gonna do if he tells me I cant come over anymore. if he really ends this all for good... Ive been horrible and a horrible pet and I dont deserve him but I dont know what to do if he leaves me all alone... It isnt a matter of living its a matter of being able to feel. before him I was almost emotionless. I dont want to be alone again. He's the only constant I have ever had and I messed it all up.. I feel so... worthless, useless, unloved - rather unlove-able. I know he doesnt love me, but he has always still cared....
I cant beleive I fucking said that! and then when I apologized... I had the gall to do it online.. (Well Im not really supposed to call him.. so I didnt have much choice) but regardless....
I dont knwo what to do... all I wanna do is fall asleep and stop how much this hurts, how bad I am freaking out, how scared and alone and pathetic I feel. I feel like everything is falling apart around me and all I Can do is watch it. I know I am alone, completely and utterly alone. Ive always been that way.. btu before I still had his company, even when I Was alone. and now...
.... i'm just a pathetic little girl, crying because she is afraid to lose her best friend and the only person she will ever truly love.
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| | Posted 5/6/2008 9:26 AM - 5 comments
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