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| | well, this will probably be one of my last posts. i doubt many people read this and even fewer comment. but most of all i just dont really care to keep it updated so ill update less often than i already do now, which is almost never anyways. couple things to say i guess. me and the guys have been videoing our jam sessions and we're gonna try to make a dvd out of all the stuff we've got recorded. so that will be sweet when its all finished. went to church today for once. im gonna try to start going now, believe it or not i used to go pretty often, but that was with yancy so it was way back when. so ya. wish me luck with that i guess hehe. i was lying in bed tonight, just thinking, and decided to post my thoughts, just to get them out i guess. read if you want to waste time and start to think im more of a blithering idiot that i already am...ive been thinking about a few different things lately, and they've kind of given me a self-reflection episode i guess. but before i start i want to put a couple hings out here first. im not writing this for smypathy, attention, make people mad, whatever. mainly just a release for me i guess...second, i dont want anybody to take this the wrong way like the whole danielle thing seems to be being taken, which i will talk about later, but anyway, i dont want anybody to take this the wrong way and get all offensive on me, because i know i dont go to church enough, i know i swear and gossip, i know im not baptized and i know i dont pray enough, i know im not holy in any sense of the word, i know ive denied God, im a deciever, liar, hypocrite and a even a pagan at times, and i am in no way a model christian, and i dont believe that i act like i am or claim to be, but i still think that even the worst sinner deserves to tell his side of the story, so i think i can share whats on my mind....if anybody has any objections let me know...now with that out of the way....i guess i had an epiphany or something. or maybe not. whatever. but anyway...one thing on my mind is danielles xanga. reading her past few posts and hearing other people judge what she has said has brought some things to my attention. first off, i havent talked to her in a long time so i dont know any more than what i have read on her xanga. but if what she says is how she truly feels, then more power to her. if not, then it doesnt matter because i am no one to judge or to doubt, and nor is anybody else. Emily, i was going to say this before i found out Thayne had said it, but basically im agreeing with him. It may be true that no, not all your pain will all go away instantly, and no you wont have the perfect life with no problems, and no you wont win the lottery or something stupid like that just because you follow God. but i think it still might be the answer to your problems, maybe you just took the wrong approach. a good relationship with Christ is something that takes time, just like any relationship with any of your other friends, and the longer it goes on and progresses, the better it will be. just like any other friendship it requires sacrifices, but you know it will ultimately pay off times over. i think what happened to you was, instead of gradually easing into the trying life of a life for God, you kind of went full sprint and got burned out on it after a little bit. believe me i know how that feels and it has happened to me many times before. i mean absolutely no offense whatsoever towards her by saying this, but i think it was because of Mindy. when me and her were "together" or whatever we wanted to call it, i tried to be a better follower of God, just like her...problem was, she was at a point in her relationship that i couldnt even start to comprehend, and trying to jump into it at that...uh..."intensity" just wasn't the right way for me to approach it. dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Mindy or the way Mindy lives her life or her walk with God, but to try to go from where i was in my relationship with God to where she was, was close to impossible. i think maybe you're like me and the same thing happened to you. Consider trying again, because statistics say the "godly goody good role" gives you a pretty good chance of going to heaven. in closing, im not trying to act like a jerk and tell you you're wrong or act like i know the answers to everything and tell you what to do. this is just my view on it and some words to hopefully help you out. but, what would i know about it all...second thing thats been on my mind, God works and speaks in mysterious ways. God talks to us, whether we realize it or not, and he talks to us whether we listen or not. sometimes we listen and obey, sometimes we dont, either way, God will get the point across and his will will be done, whether its in a way that you like or not. God has been weighing heavy on my heart lately, speaking to me through things going on around me. in a cruel and ironic kind of way. ill leave this alone, but basically, when you know God tells you something you should listen, because although merciful, he is also just. and what he says goes. remember that. The last thing is Matt. that good ol' beaner. it seems every time i have a good chat with Matt i seem to get a little more of the world figured out, he kind of gives me a mental slap to the face and tells me to wake up quit bein in frickin idiot. only in a nicer way. i truly believe that God has spoke to me through him because i can relate to what he says in so many different ways, cept i get put on the guilt trip of my life because i know everything he says is true and applies to me and im not strong enough to have the will to overcome it.....maybe its just coincidence. but then again that is what hes there for....so who knows. in closing, ive been writing for 2 hours and its way past my bedtime. i hope i didnt leave anything out and i hope you all dont think im too weird. see you at school tomorrow. peace. Travis | | | Posted 3/28/2005 1:32 AM - 20 comments
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