My father is starting to drive me insane.

I don't like the way he's been acting lately, this ridiculous martyr-heartfelt-bullshit thing of his, and I don't like that he sees the other woman, I don't care if it is as friends at the moment, and I don't like that he's always in the house eating or playing around on the computer or acting like he still lives here when he doesn't. It's stressing out my mom, and it's stressing me out too, and it's just driving me mad.

He's always in the damned house and I can't stand it.

I probably need counselling, but it's too expensive. My brother needs it more than me, and I don't want to add that to my mom's stresses along with everything else.

Feh. :P

Le resistance.

Yeah, I get like that, I guess. It's just me.

So anyway. 2nd semester already; I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to college or dreading it. I guess it's gotta be something in between. Sometimes I miss the simpler days of being a sophomore. It was great--no scholarships to fill out, I was too young to drive or get a job, and the group of friends was still together. Ay. Being fifteen was a hell of a lot easier. I was kind of a dork, but I was a happy dork. Ignorance is bliss?

So lately I've been reading like a maniac. I love books. I love fantasy worlds in general. I still wish that I could someday find my way into a couple of those worlds. Just for, y'know, a visit or something. Alas.

I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm definitely bi. Which I know I've said before as an "I think," but the fact that I am actually allowing myself to admit that I love my best friend qualifies me such. I don't know where it's going, though, or if it's going anywhere. If I'm honest, I'm terrified at the concept of a relationship with anyone at all because it's not something I've ever been involved in, ever. I don't want to mess things up.

I've been moody lately. There's a lot of different stuff going on. I had a good day today, though, so I'm glad for that. It's nice to have a good day once in a while.

I am bad at reading people.

If that is a news flash, apparently you either don't know me, or I've hidden my true nature particularly well around you. Or you just can't grasp the concept. So I say it again, I am bad at reading people. That means in the best of circumstances, I can't read a person's emotions/feelings/whatevers very well, so when someone goes all weird, I don't know what the hell is going on. With me, you've got to say it outright or I'm not going to get it. And once I get slightly uncomfortable, say goodbye to the rest of it, because I start acting a particular way to cover it, and things get progressively worse from there.

Not a people person. Can't read people.

Try, but fail miserably 86% of the time.

***

On a happier note, it snowed today. I love the holidays.

I am insecure.

I can never go first at anything for that very reason.

Hm. Something to ponder.

Nyah.