|
| Just Stay Alive
The blood running through my veins is boiling,
My heart is beating as if it were to explode,
My mind is ravaged apart,
I ask myself, what is there to live for?
My family?
No, all they do is try to contain my spirit
My friends?
No, all they do is tear me down, as if I was but a rag doll
The grief of all those who will be saddened by my departure?
No, fore there are none
I twirl this knife in my hand,
Wondering, thinking, trying to figure out what to do,
Ideas spinning in my head, but I dare not say them out loud
And what of those who have hurt me?
My brother, the hypocrite
My parents, no, all they do is try to keep me in this hypothetical jail saying they know best
My supposed friends, the only true friend I thought I had,
He seems as if he wants nothing to do with me any longer
So I ask myself once again,
What shall I do with this blade that feels,
As if it were already jammed into my chest
All I can do is to keep telling myself to stay alive,
To believe,
To try to make sense of all of this while trying to get along
Now I say to myself “Just stay alive” | | |
| Unquinched Flame 5/10/2004 I can not look into your face,
For I have such a hatred towards you,
Though I know I must love my fellow man,
I fear I am incapable of such an act with you,
I keep telling myself, that it's not my fault,
Yet I feel somehow that it partly is,
This flame burning in my eyes like an unquinched fire,
I know it must hurt you, must kill you on the inside,
But I dont care, I never will im afraid for my repulsion of you is to overwhelming. I look at myself now as if im looking into a mirror,
I see a cold heart, a killer, a maniac,
and the question burns inside me,
Am I insane?
Am I losing my mind over something so trival as the destation of another human being?
I feel as if I could kill someone, maybe me, maybe others,
Maybe this is all just a delusion in my head to keep myself occupied,
No, I do not believe so, I believe this is a true feeling of hostility,
All I can say to my fellow man is to be wary of the things to come,
for I am not sure how long I can contain this murderous creature inside of me,
All I can do for now is make a statement against all the evils of mankind and that is this very thing:
My hatred burns like a unquinched flame for all those who have hurt me,
All those who have done wrong against me, so I say to you all...
may you die a slow and painful death as I almost certainly will myself,
and may you suffer for eternity in hell and damnation like all those before you.
| | |
| Horror
i've seen the horror
the horrors that you've seen
but you have no right to murder
you have no right to kill me
i have a right to do that
but you have no right to judge me
its impossible for words to disregard what is nessarcary
to those who do not know what horror means
horror...
horror..has a face
and you must make a friend of horror
horror and moral tear are your friends
if they are not
then they are enemies to be feared
they are truly enemies | | |
| Just a Little Longer
Desolation,
Wide open space,
Between the trees and me,
Emptiness and me,
Confusion and decisions,
Feelings hard to define,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,
Coldness seeps
Its way in,
I am falling deeper,
Into what I fear most,
As I reach out,
There is nothing there,
As possible there was something once,
Only to be gone,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,
The sun drops,
The last inch of light falls,
The squirrels more likely to be huddled up,
But not me,
Something I never possessed,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,
Then the sun has gone,
Darkness spreads its wings over me,
I see nothing so no one sees me,
Feeling of bitterness only,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,
An Owl peers down,
With question in her eyes,
She doesn't have a hope,
In helping me,
As she doesn't see my pain,
Spreads her wings,
Passes me by,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,
The soft earth,
Seems the only thing holding me up,
Even then I could slip,
And wondering takes me,
To why and how I got here,
Without even knowing it,
Yet no one notices,
As they didn't see before,
So I say to myself,
Just a little longer,
Shimmering in the darkness,
I see two moons,
Reflecting off a stream of thoughts,
Ongoing forever more,
Along a rocky road,
Slowly giving in to finding a way out,
I take the plunge under the river,
Then the wind carries a whisper,
Gently on a breeze,
'Just a little longer.' | | |
| I made this journal so that I have a place to put my poems at.
| | |
|
