xanga xanga xanga. you bastard. i was once a fiend of you and now i come back, head down, asking your forgiveness.

because you, oh dear xanga, are my last hope of true sanitiy.

when a heart is broken, where is it left to turn? to friends that have no idea what they are talking about? to family who don't know the half of what i am feeling? to the random co-worker? i just want to talk to me. the only way i can do that is on my xanga. nobody else is on this so i can get away with it and get away with it publicly.

my life was fine about 3 weeks ago and then 2 weeks ago and almost 1 week ago. things went downhill when she decided a break would be best for our (not so) falling apart relationship. i (knew) throught we were doing fine and i didnt understand. but who is to understand a 17 year olds thinking? i find this to be true: girls at 16 are looking for love and girls at 17 are looking for friends because its been my experience. i need to start going with older women. would that solved my everlasting problem? no. because she is the one that i want. immaturity right now can turn into maturity later. i love her family. my family loves her. shes great. so whats the problem?

drugs.

big surprise.

drugs are the major problem in this world right now. so many people into it, so many people ruining their lives over it, its just completely insane.

i have so many friends that have just gone over the edge over drugs and now its my own girlfriend? i knew she was going to do something like this unless she let go but she never completely let go. even when she was not doing it she still had the mind set that she liked it and was only not doing it for me. it was never for her and for her future.

some people it is just harder to grow up then it is for others.

and some people get cast a spell on by things like alcohol or drugs. if you cant handle it DONT do it.

she told me the other day in one of her text messages that she is having the time of her life. so while im suffering she is having the time of her life. i never heard of such a thing. not from a girlfriend who is so called in love with her boyfriend. that sounds like a selfish person who only cares about herself and doesnt give a shit about the same person who she was almost a year with and head over heels with. am a right? shit im just talking to myself so hell yeah im right! it just bothers me more than ever because this is more like an erica move than a britt move. britt always had her head on straight before and i never thought she would or could for that matter do something like this for me.

then she actually has the nerve to search my myspace account MESSAGES that only i can access to find that i asked my old friend nikki to hang out sometime. i wanted it to be me her and steve just going to play mini golf or something. big fuckin woop. im single and doing something that i shouldnt even have to be single to do and she is mad about that?? i should be a lot more mad that she invaded my privacy especially since im not ATTACHED to her right now!

and i find out that she is contacting carlos for weed! calling him up and talking to him for a little and getting weed off of him. thats off the fuckin deep end right there. all i can say. off the deep end.

its no wonder she wanted to break up with me. she must have had the guiltiest conscience that ever existed!

so, xanga...why again do i love relationships?

single should def be for me.

A New Beginning..

This girl named Britt has made me the happiest man alive.

I found out that my ex girlfriend Erica cheated on me when we were together. Am I angry? Very much so. She did it over 2 years back and never fessed up or had any intention to. Did I get over it? In a DAY. That's how much I have fallen for Britt. She is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing, gorgeous, sensational girl that I am completely happy with.

She is the angel that God has sent me to show me he still cares and that he still exists.

I think I am going to steer back onto the right track again. I think I'm going to be able to focus a lot more on the more important things in life instead of just focusing on one person.

Btw this will probably be the last entry for a long time. Xanga has moved on just like me.

Take Care folks...

Much Love.

People need to leave me alone.

Stop asking what is going on...stop asking why I broke up with Erica.

Not your lives so don't be so damn nosy.

I indeed am happy now so why is everyone trying to ruin it??

For the longest time I did everything for everyone but me and now I finally did something for me.

Nobdy cares though..

It's all about other people.

This does not go out to the amazing select few of you who just want to see me happy. Love you guys..

Break Up

Yes folks, the rumors are true.

Me and Erica have broken up. For good this time.

Alright, so I'm not going to give any kind of reasoning because it's pointless to tell the whole world. The select few that know my situation know my reasoning. Yes My. I broke up with her this time.

I indeed am single and not looking at this point so no girls need to bother me with telling me I'm hott or good looking or cute or semi okay or whatever. Just know that I still do love Erica and wish the best for her in her life.

I needed this for me.

We still may be friends and that is totally up to her.

This may be my last post ever on xanga depending on who comments, how many comments there are, and if I care enough to write more.

<3 later