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Wednesday, October 03, 2007

  • Back In Black

    Newest Little Blurb

     

    • Affecting the Presidency, Part Drei

     

    The Losers Third Party Canidates




     

    Seeing that we already asked/begged for interviews (which we "got") from the GOP and Democratic Parties, we, in turn, we're begged by representatives from the 'main' third parties for interviews. Seeing that Mark was done clipping his toe-nails and Jill is now done with her cuticals, we sent our top interviewer to grill these 'potential presidents'.

    Interviewer: *Yawn*. Anyone got a Monster or something?

    Green Party Guy: It's like four in the afternoon.

    Ron Paul: Why am I here? I'm registered on the Republican ticket.

    Interviewer: Sure you are.

    Libertarian Guy (Not Ron Paul): Sell out.

    Ron Paul: What did you just say?

    Interviewer: Ladies, ladies. Back to the interview. Do any of you, really believe you can win? Or get above 5% of the vote?

    All: Of course!

    Interviewer (Mumbles): That's why you're just third party canidates.

    Constitution Party Guy: And what's wrong with that?

    Interviewer: Do you guys ever wonder why you don't win?

    All: We do.

    Interviewer: I mean really win. Win, win.

    All: Oh.

    Constitution Party Guy: Because the official parties are corrupt and sell-outs!

    Green Party Guy: Yeah.

    Ron Paul: Why am I with these losers?

    Interviewer: Have you guys ever thought of reforming the main parties through compromise?

    All: What's that mean?

    Interviewer: And that's why you're third party. Good luck with the...uh...'race'.

    --DT Staff

     

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

  • Resist Debaters!

    We have just learned through our radio segment (Radio Free Tabloid) and through various inside sources that the NCFCA plans to gerrymander the slots in such a way that California (R-2) will lose over 2/3 of it's previous held slots. Though this is run by people from several regions we here at DT heavily oppose this move.

    We call upon all debaters and speakers, from all regions, to defend their sister-state and resist this communist, socialist, fascist imperialism onto California and demand fair amounts of slots! We can only lose chains! Russkik Haza!

    Peacefully,

    --DT Staff

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

  •  

    Newest Little Blurb

    • Affecting the Presidency Part Deux

    Once again we're doing our best to cover Indecesion 2007, 2008. So we've done our best to bring you an interview with the current bigs in the Republican Party. Seeing that the last one was really done via IM, and some really clever photoshop (thanks Sam!), this one was done by tirelessly stalking the President, Fred Thompson, Guiliani, and McCain. Romney was not able to be seen as he was attending the christening of his nephew's third wife's fourth son.

    Interviewer: If elected President, or if you held onto power like grim death like Castro or Pinochet, what would be your policy towards blogs like Debate Tabloid or forums like HSD?

    President Bush: If elected, for the first time, I would impose a national security ban seeing that we need to help the people of Iraq with their democracy.

    Interviewer: How about you Guiliani?

    Guiliani: Well being a Catholic, did I mention I believe in Jesus like the Baptists? As I was saying, being a Catholic, I don't believe in HSD and Debate Tabloid. But we must allow some poor benighted souls to read it. In fact under my kingshi- I mean mayorship in New York, viewing of Debate Tabloid went down 100%.

    Interviewer: Well we didn't exist when you were Mayor of New York, sir.

    Guiliani: Well... did I mention that I was mayor during 9-11?

    Interviewer: Uh...yeah. McCain?

    McCain: F&$% &%$#! *Throws chair at interviewer*

    New Interviewer: That was enlightening. Mr Thompson?

    Thomspon: I prefer the title of "Reagan Incarnate".

    Interviewer: Ok...

    All (minus McCain): We want that too!!!

    Fred Thompson: Tough.

    Interviewer: If we read this, then that's really sad..

    McCain: But it means that youare a dedicated reader!!!

    Bush: Or just really sad and miserable.democracy.

    Guiliani: That's ok. Catholic Read on miserable debaters.

    -- End of Transmission--

    Edit:

    Notice

    This blog has been edited by your neighborhood-friendly NSA. Happy reading!

     

    --DT Staff

Sunday, September 09, 2007

  • Newest Little Blurb


    • The Ultimate Aff Case


    We'd like to remind everyone that this is a joke. In no way can we affect the policies of the USFG.

    The case is as follows:

    “There’s no halfsinging in the shower, either you’re a rock star or an opera diva” It is because I agree with this quotation by Josh Groban that I stand resolved that the United States Government (USG) should get rid of Mrs. Moon.

     

    Observation : Resolutional Analysis

    <!  A.    Definitions

    1.  USG: United States Federal Government

    2.    Get rid of: exile

    b.  B.   Criterion: Net Benefits

     

    Plan: The USFG through a secret executive order, that only the President can see shall sentence Mrs. Moon to exile in Haiti.

    Mandate: Normal Means

     

    Advantage 1: Nats Opening/Closing ceremony length

    <! A.     Harms. Currently most of the time in theceremony of NCFCA nats is caused by Mrs. Moon’s speech. We think that this isbad because it takes away from the purpose of NCFCA and the reason we are all there: the awards.

    <! B.   Link. Plan exiles Mrs. Moon which would allowhere not come into the US

    <! C.    Internal Link. The NCFCA is in the US

    <! D.    Impacts.

    1.    More focus on competition

    2.    More self-loathing

     

    Advantage 2: Judges

    A. Harms.

    1.      Judges currently suck. They don’t know the difference between a harm and an advantage.  Look to CBS News July 29 2007 (and if it's from CBS you know it's good),

    "Most judges in the NCFCA after nationals thought that Kosovo was a brandof toothpaste."

    2.      Currently Mrs. Moon is in control of the judge's orientation. We think that this is bad because it takes from better judges which means that debaters, in turn, cannot explore more fun interpretations of the resolution thus harming the education of the activity. She promotes theideology that “less is more” but we would tell that if less was more they would call it more.

    <!  B.     Link: Plan exiles her

    <   C.    Impacts:

    1.    More education is good, because that’s supposed to means omething, right?

    2.     We get judges who know what Kosovo is.

     

    Advantage 3: AIDS

    <!   A.    Currently there is AIDS

    <!  B.     Currently Mrs. Moon is not exiled

    <!  C.    Duh!

    Advantage 4:  Helping Haitian poverty

    <!  A.     Harms. Currently Haiti is really poor. This means that people don’t have money. If people don’t have money then you can’t buy stuff. Not being able to buy stuff is bad. The only way that Haiti is surviving now is because people buy cigars from the Dominican Republic which is right next to Haiti and for some reason the Dominican Republic helps them.  Even with that life suck in Haiti.

    <!  B.   Link. Plan exiles Mrs. Moon to Haiti

    <!  C.    Internal Link. We think that if Mrs. Moon is exiled there, the Haitians will get so sick of her that they will try and leave. But since they are on an island they are so screwed. With this many people are going to kill themselves(32%) out of annoyance of Mrs. Moon.

    <!  D.    Internal Link 2. If people kill themselves then they leave behind their money and there is no one to spend it, in which case someone gets the money. Therefore we can see that Haiti need Mrs. Moon more than us and we are doing a selfless action by sending her there.

    <! Impacts. Haiti has more money per person whichin turn makes them a richer nation. Boo-Ya!

    In conclusion we can see that there is no reason to reject the plan. Not only is the plan awesomely beneficial to the US but also to Haiti. Because of this, we meet the criterion of net benefits. Therefore the resolution is affirmed and the USFG should exile Mrs. Moon to Haiti. Thank I now stand open for Cross-X


    --With much love to Mrs. Moon,

    The DT Staff


Wednesday, September 05, 2007

  • As Juicy as Debate Gossip Can Get

    Newest Little Blurb

     

    • Affecting the Presidency Part Uno

     

    Indecesion 2007, we mean 2008


    If you were an NCFCAer would you do debate?

    DebateTabloid has become, miraculously, noticable to get involved in our soon (or over-hyped) American presidential election. We all know that it would affect the war in Iraq, US counter-terrorism efforts in the US, the American economy, health-care and so on. But we didn't know that it would affect DT. We interviewed a few canidates from the Democratic side today.

    Interviewer: If made President what would be your policy about DebateTabloid, HSD and homeschool debate in general?

    Obama: How are they?

    Interviewer: You mean how are their skills?

    Obama: Yes.

    Interviewer: They are very articulate and well skilled in public speaking. Kinda like you.

    Obama: Wait, are you giving the impression that other black people aren't articulate? Why am I the exception?

    Interviewer: Moving onto Mrs. Clinton.

    Clinton: I prefer Ms. Clinton.

    Interviewer: Okaaaaay....

    Bill: Wait aren't we still marri-

    Clinton: Shut up, Bill!

    Bill: Yes ma'am.

    Interviewer: Mrs. or Ms. Clinton what would be your policy towards blogs like DT?

    Obama: How come we're always sitting next to each other, Hill?

    Interviewer: The question, please?

    Clinton: I'd leave them in the dust. Smoke 'em out. Take no prisoners.

    Interviewer: How about you Kucinich?

    Kucinich: I'd encourage them to express their oneness with each other and nature, by separating and then uniting again in cosmic, debatey, oneness.

    Interviewer: Do you even know what that means?

    Obama:... I mean serious, every debate Hillary and I are sitting next to each other.

    Clinton: Dennis, I don't know who you're appealing to with that crazy hippy crap!

    Kucinich: Off the record?

    Interviewer (crossed fingers): Of course.

    Kucinich: I smoke so much dope, I don't know what I'm saying 60% of the time.

    Interviewer: Thank you that's all the time we have for now.

    --DT Staff

     

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