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Friday, August 01, 2008

A Change of Heart

Being the ever so indecisive me, I've decided that... I'm relocating my blog.

Yes, again.

I've been leaving... A helluva lot of bad vibes around here anyway.
And I find Blogger much more user-friendly and editable. :/

So for being such a fussy pot and a bugger? I'm sorry I had to drag you into reading my life's stories.

But if you're still a keen follower (uh..) of mine, you can always find me here:
http://www.chroniclesofdebbie.blogspot.com/

FAREWELL CRUEL WOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD~
(Someone please. Slap me.)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Grief is a friend of mine.

I thought it was over. I DID try picking up that bar of chocolate. I DID try picking up rock songs, playing the piano, CALMING DOWN. But what did I get out of it?

My aunt passing away.

My sister walks up to me during recess. Okay, maybe some idiot friend of hers upset her again. So I bring her to the back of the canteen.. That 'idiot friend' of hers happened to be our cousin. With very bad news.
I was in shock. I couldn't even find words to tell her... Anything. I just stood there, hand over a gapping mouth and teary eyes staring at an already sobbing sister.

I couldn't break down in front of her. Not when she's always taking it harder than I do.
So Kate, Zi-Lynn and Michi? Sorry for holding you three back in class just now...

I'm sorry if I seemed 'emo', sinister, cruel or anything out of character today. It's just that my thoughts have been revolving around her ever since I heard news of it.

This may sound sickening, but in a way, I'm happy she finally moved on.
She's been suffering so much; mentally and physically. Losing her own mother not long before and in HER condition... It was a heartache to all of us who knew her.
One thing's for sure: diabetes CAN kill.
At least the fact that her endless pain is finally ceased comforts us in our grief.

But death is never easy.

Sometimes, being close to the ones I love is something I regret most. I regret all those times where I planned all those outings tediously and so extravagantly but in the end, never got to do them. I see her name everywhere; my MSN listings, my Facebook, my e-mails... She couldn't get out much. So this was how we kept in touch; this was how we were sisters. I... Knew this was coming. And that's why I wanted to spend as much time as I could before it was too late...
And now sadly. I can say it is.

What's so calming to about dying on an OPERATION TABLE, with all your INNARDS EXPOSED and surrounded by PEOPLE YOU DO NOT KNOW let alone LOVE??

I'm angry, sad and yes, at times like these, I think it's alright to be OVERLY EMOTIONAL. So please. Just bear with me. All I need is time...

Rest in peace, Aunty Pauline Helene Lin Wen Ling.
Aunty Helene's waiting for you.

You will always be in our hearts (Or at least know that you will be in mine)

Friday, July 25, 2008

More Bitter than Sweet...

No wait. That was a complete understatement; it was ALL bitter and NO sweet.

My mind right now is lurking in thoughts of disappointment. Fatigue. FAILURE.
Not surprising, really. Everything has been going down the pits anyway.

Never in my 15 years of existence have I seen, I'm sorry to say, such a disastrous wreck. What happened to making our installation a BLAST? What happened to showing our beloved seniors that WE, the undertakers, can run the club just as well as they did? What happened to making them PROUD...?

I'm not going to point fingers at anyone because really, that's not fair.

Nothing is perfect. I know that. I just wished it had turned out... Otherwise.
Anything. But. This.

For you fellow readers who so happened to see me today, let me tell you, that those tears weren't of joy or happiness.
They were tears of despair and humiliation.

Thanks Syahira and Annie for hugs, slaps on the face and advice outside the hall. Sure, they'll only judge us based on what we do throughout the fiscal year. But have you forgotten about first impressions...?

I'm sorry if I sound very pessimistic about the whole event. I think I have every right to be. What I just witnessed was like a nightmare slowly rearing it's ugly head to reveal what lies beneath:
A blackened future.

And it has only just begun...

I'm sorry.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Be Right Back. Out to Hell.

Don't expect Debbie to be the same person again. Ever.
Her sanity's deteriorating. Fast. Maybe she dropped it in the school corridor or something. She doesn't know. She probably doesn't care anymore.

She doesn't understand. Don't teachers know PAIN? Don't teachers know TIME-CONSTRAINTS? Don't teachers know EMBARRASSMENT or SHAME? Don't teachers UNDERSTAND...?

She's thankful that frizzy hair accommodates the mood she sways into. She feels more WASABE if not. Which frankly, can't. Be. A. Good. Thing.

Not that anything is now anyway.

Her puffy eyes swell up once again in despair and frustration. For her friends, her school, her family, and everything else that so happens to condemn in her shallow thinking.

It's one thing after another. When will this never-ending black abyss stop...?

I suspect NEVER.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Cutting it Close.

Literally. But you know, a picture speaks a thousand words. So less explanation needed, no?

So yeh. I cut my hair. I know I still haven't gotten my fair share of "WHYYYYYY"s yet, so I might as well explain it here and now (Though I don't think it's going to be of much help. Not many people actually know that this blog even EXISTS anyway. =_=) :

I want to be myself.

I want to show who the real me really is, without obscurities, without LIES.

I know I'm making it sound like a whole controversy or something, and just over some... Hairdo too. But I've recently learnt a valuable lesson from leeching off a CERTAIN CAST [insert big grin here] : I should fight for what I BELIEVE in. And I believe... That I should be myself for a change.

BELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEVE ME. XDD

Yokay, I shall end my cheesiness and shallow thoughts there. It was... Well, awkward parading around with a funny curl on my forehead. Awkward, but fun. Fun it t'was to see the variety of responses by everyone. Multiple jaw drops and yells and squeals and... Funny giggles. The best part? The first person I saw today was ALE. I've been officially declared an Ale mini.. ><;;

...Wish me luck looking NEAT as of today onwards.

Syahira and... I know la, I know la, my glasses tersenget ><;;
Under my umbrella? With Yams and Darsh?
Thanks Syahira for the photos! <3

Animax Youth Festival 2008

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! It's just... Surreal. We got SELECTED. Our team got SELECTED!! OH EEM GEE OH EEM GEE OH EEM GEE EXCLAMATION EXCLAMATION EXCLAMATION MARK(s)!!!

Ahem... Okay, so you guys are wondering: What the HELL is this deranged child talking about??

Well it goes like this: I haven't been watching the channel for awhile, but apparently they were promoting a new competition. Animax Young Entrepreneurs it's called. Zi-Lynn got me to know about it, and said that she'd be needing another participant besides her friend, Joey. I of course, gladly agreed. Basically, they asked for aims, types of products, a budget etc. etc.; typical business Q&As. I don't think it would be wise to release further information to you guys without the other two's consent, so we filled our application and sent it off with crossed fingers.

About 3 weeks after, Joey gets an e-mail saying that we got IN! I quote the e-mail as they said that our idea was 'fascinating', but I'll bet they said that to all the other contestants anyway, so no point going ecstatic on that right there.. They're waiting for samples of our products and works though, so no time for getting too excited.

We'll be setting a booth up from the 8th - 10th of August at One Utama. I think.. Wish us luck! >_<

And life goes on...

I'm still tired. I'm a month behind on studies. I'm back to my class of literal hell. What more could I ask for?
I miss MAAN. I miss Eureka. I miss missing class! (Quoting Yams lol)

Why do all good things have to come to an end..?

Hmm... Blogging seems to have taken an appeal to me. Look out for more boring chronicles of Debbeh soon! (If you can bear the long, sensless posts that is XD)