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DeletedCold
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Name: ®
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Selinsgrove
Birthday: 9/13/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Anything that Interests me.
Expertise: Ha now that is funny.
Occupation: To hate everything
Industry: Pornography
Message: message me
AIM:  DeletedCold
Member Since:
1/4/2004
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| Why does stuff like this happen to me? I feel like a magnet no matter what I do. I'm starting to get sick of a lot of shit these days. I hate when people try to "out do" you at bad experiences. I got hit by a car , well i got hit by three cars, and raped in the back seat of one in the same night. If I hear the fucking words "They have been through a lot of shit..." one more time I. Think. I'm. Going. To. Flip. Out. Then you have those people who try to play the god damned Gandhi part and "know" how you feel, and try to read you like a book. Then of course they know whats going to come out of your mouth and just know how your feeling. Also on top of that they give you half ass advice that is just the fucking shit you want to hear. If i wanted to hear it i just lock myself in my bedroom and talk to my multi-personality self. At least he gives me something to work off of and bounce from. I try to just stick it out and get out of the way but I always end up not running fast enough. If i be honest shit just blows up in my face.
I'm really starting to think about going somewhere that no one knows me, and just start the fuck over. I want to travel, and just disappear then one day I'll be that guy that everyone says "i thought he died." I am so much of a fucking loner. I have friends, hell i'll even go so far as to call them my crew, but I still find myself thinking that i wanna be alone. I want to go explore Pittsburgh one day and i keep putting it off. I don't mean the fun shit either, i wanna see the evil, the dead and dying. I want to see needles, and shit you can't just pay a 20 fee to sit and watch. I heard there was a fight club, and i want someone to fucking kick my ass and make me bleed. For what? hell i just want a few stories to tell while having a beer. I want to live life. I really want to see a ghost, and i want to see it alone. I want a really pissed off one to just like throw me to the other side of the room. Yeah my heads in the movies but i can still hope. | | |
| Annnd about sixteen tries later I remember my password to this old thing. It is good to have this thing since I can write pretty much anything I want to write in here and even it being public no one that matters will check this to see any changes. Not that I'm stupid enough to write anything that will get me into a hole in here, but anyways moving on. I live in Pittsburgh now for college reasons. I have met some new people, and even made a few new friends. I've been heart broken... kinda. I still don't have another RX-7. I have so much on my mind these days, it's hard to keep track of everything that is going on. Things I have to remember for school, and all of my personal matters that need to be attending are building up. I'm not sure what the future will hold, but I think when i get my break I'm going to travel somewhere. I was thinking about driving to Cali. just to see the other ocean and maybe make a few stops along the way. I haven't felt healthy in days. I am so weak for letting all of this get to me, but i can't help it. I'm sure over time things will get better, but if this one I don't think will get better "over time." My whole lifestyle has gone undone. I've changed although, and it has made me stronger in a sense. But when you go into battle with your sword drawn and ready to fight, then as soon as you see/hear/touch her you melt and realize everything is better you know something stronger then your own ticking brain is there. Emotion, and a deep passion that just overwhelms you and makes any wound fade away like dye in the ocean. On the other hand I don't need anyone to live my life, but life just gets sweeter every time that nectar gets near.
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| Went to Pittsburgh to see the love of my life again. I went to surprize her and that didn't go over well, but I guess it all worked out in the end. That night we went to this crazy goth club with her a few of her friends. There had to be atleast a hundred people in there, and not one could dance. I kind of got to play pool which is something i miss doing.
The whole trip was worth it to me. The best part was just being with my love and getting to sleep with her. Being the dumbass i was I forgot to pack stuff I needed but since Glynnis is so loving she gave me some stuff to get me through. She is just one of those great things that can't be put into words because it would lessen her true perfect if it was put into words. Best part is, I get to go back wed. to see here again.
I'm feeling really good so I'm going to go make it last.
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| I'm sad today since I just found out that one of they guys I used to work with died about a week ago. He was a great guy, and I talked to him everyday that i worked while i waited for the papers to come. It's always the nice hard working ones. Never the dickheads.
My week has not been going very well. As a matter of fact yesterday it just poured buckets and it flooded everywhere. I ended up driving threw a flooded area of the road and the water was washing up over my hood, and in doing so i lost my brakes and almost went into the backside of someones house. Then after getting away from that on the other direction I snapped back too there was a car waiting for me and I was inches away from hitting his back bumper. Thank god I have a job were i drive a lot and became a much better driver, or else that would have ended like my last crash.
On a good/funny note for a change. I had to stay after my shift an extra two hours because we were so busy it was insane. That always happens to me, and everytime i get so pissed of I think I'm going to have heart problems because of it. Anyways I was gettin into my car and flipping out at the fact the I had to stay later, and didn't realise the guy not even ten feet away getting out of his truck with his kids. I looked up and he was looking at me, and the kids were giggling. I might have thrown a few words they shouldn't have heard. Then when I get to this womans house on a delivery I ring the door bell and wait, then wait some more. I then ring the door bell again... no response. I stormed down the steps and at the bottom opening my door my quote was "fucking people and not knowing how to open the god damn fucking door......Shit!" Almost in my car i heard caught the woman standing in the doorway shocked. Nothing was said.
If i had the urge to write out every funny or pissed of moment in the last two weeks at work the web page would take half an hour to load.
fin.
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| I think it is about time for me to dust this thing off. Since I'm the only person in the world to not have a myspace, I'll come back here. I have a lot of thoughts these days. Ones that hurt, make me drag on, feel good, and love. I have these scars, but none that you can see. Of course you know that these are emotional scars. They have giving me the devistatingly horrible ablity to be totally unable to trust. It's getting going away more since before in my life when i was first given the scars, but now it just comes and goes. When it comes though i have this odd personal illness were my stomach feels like getting butterflies but making you sick. It hurts. I get it so bad sometimes that i can't do anything i can't even move, hardly speak, or even breathe. I can't even think about any types of food or i start to gag. It all comes with what I'm thinking. Pepto bismol is a godsend those times. It last for minutes, hours and once I had it last for a few days. I couldn't even sit at the dinner table without starting to choke. I wish there was some way to just be able to make it slow. Sometimes I have to keep moving around on my bed to the spot were it hurts less, and even then I clench so hard I get sore all over after. I think one of my biggest fears is being in a room of silence for any extened amount of time. Once my mind starts to unlock itself it is so hard to keep it from not getting out of control. I've been getting better at holding it down now though. It is at the point where i feels like I'm hungry, but I'm not sure if that is what it is or I'm just being retarded again.
I got into a college, and I'm ready to go and experiance it. I want to leave so bad I can smell the air on moving day. Even though I know I'm going to college I can't help but think of being stuck working this job i have now for the next five years until i find another shitty job.
I'm being such a bitch. If you have read this far can I ask you why? In all seriousness I would love to just sit and listen to why you put time out of your busy life to read this emo crap of mine. Do you feel sorry? Or better yet once I got a comment saying "yummy a taste into a psychoticly depressed mind." I think it was something like that. It was like it was written on the back of a movie as one of the reviews' quotes.
Anyways I just thought maybe taking the time to sit by myself to write some of this down would help me out a little bit.
On a good note I get to go see the love of my life in pittsburgh tomorrow, and pick her up from work. It should be a good time. When I'm with her that illness goes away, and her love makes me want to be with her as much as my body can handle.
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