It's strange really.  The day started off just fine.  An uneventful, however oddly speedy drive to work.  Equally bland day at the sweat shop, without the usual rants from a supervisor who's yet to reach legal drinking age.  I come home, eat a bite, chat with a few friends, and enjoy a peaceful eve' on my back porch.  Then it strikes.  A feeling that something is missing.  But what is it?  Am I hungry? (My first answer for most any problem.)  Hmmm, nope. 

As my thoughts began to drift in search of a reason, I find my self thinking that my life is a waste.  A total waste.  I wake up, go to work, come home, play some video games or chat with some friends, and go to bed.  Rinse and repeat Monday thru Friday.  On weekends, my brother and I will go out to dinner, or I'll party with some friends.  And while those are most definitely the highlight of my week, at times like these they seem trivial and childish.  I want more!  I want to have an impact on someone or something.  I suppose it's normal to have these high aspirations, but in the moment they seem very unique. 

I guess you could call it "wallowing in your own self pity", but I think that draws up images of someone lying on there bed bawling there eyes out.  Which isn't the case.  Though I could not describe it as a pleasant feeling, I don't seem to be desperate for relief from my melancholy prison either.  When the mood hits I usually listen to Jimmy Eat World, Saves the Day, or most recently, Aimee Mann.  I find that during these briefs fits of self loathing, that I enjoy music so much more.  The only time I honestly feel moved by a song.  Perhaps that's why I don't grow anxious to feel as if I can do no wrong again. 

Nevertheless, I realize now that starting this xanga blog is quite the handy tool.  I've never been much for keeping a diary, but this seems different.  As I type, I think, and though that may be a dangerous mix, I feel better at the end of the day.  And isn't that what's important?

Difficult People

For one, I dont understand them.  Why can't they just take it easy?  One of my major pet peeves is someone that gets all pissy at the slightest comment.  Hate it, Hate it, Hate it.  Get a grip folks.  Every comment made isn't a stab at your very moral fiber.  Pick and choose your battles, and please try to be mature when you battle.  The fact is, in this authors humble opinion, most people suck ass and are not worth my time fooling with.  Even those that I do grace with my presence, on occasion, drive me near to the point of never speaking to them again.  Be it sheer stupidity, a veritable endless list of imature behavior, or just plain ole fucking rude.  Wise up people, YOU AREN'T SPECIAL, and more than likely, you aren't even tolerable.  Get over it, or perhaps kill yourself and do us all a favor!

Kill me please

Jesus Christ!  It's been one of those days.  From the moment I woke up this morning, it seems, I have been bored out of my mind.  I guess that's what happens when you normally occupy yourself with less than a handful of things. (video games, tv, and mindless internet chat)  I really should do more stuff.  Constructive things that will better myself and the world around me.  Uhh, yeah...ok.  Like that'll really happen.  Is it wrong that thinking about doing good deeds somehow makes me feel better?  Good enough not to actually do them?  Heh.  Charlie Brown where are you? 

Fun...

Ever gotten really drunk and then went to a strip club?  Ever had 2 friends (one a homosexual male, the other a drunken, coke-head, female) get called down by 2 bouncers for being "too hot" for the club?  Or how bout witnessing what Devon Brown must have looked like when her 15 minutes of fame was up when you tell your stripper, who's just given you a lap dance, you only have 8 bucks?

If you answered no to any of the above questions then you really haven't lived.  SHAME ON YOU!!