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DesparateAngel89
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Name: Alaina
Country: Japan
Metro: Feudal Era
Birthday: 9/5/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: Well, I'm deep into Christianity, and whatever I believe I with all my heart and essence. I'm a very passionate person! I love Japanese culture, and artwork. I love Anime and Manga, it's just so beautiful. I love Elfen Lied best of all!I'm special ^.^
Expertise: Just being myself... OH! and excorcising demons is kinda fun, but it gets old after awhile... I love softball, artwork, and hanging out with my bff's Britt, Kendra, and Colette!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  DesparateAngel89
AIM:  AnimeAngel0306
MSN: AnimeAngel1989@hotmail.com
Member Since:
10/17/2004
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| How did I go from so happy to so sad so fast? Suddenly, I find myself sitting
here, crying. Something I haven't done in ages. I was so happy, finally
kinda calm, ignoring and forgetting all those wounds. I had myself
convinced I was ok. I put on a pretty happy face, it FEELS almost
natural. Yet it seems I can't escape these wounds on my heart.
Everywhere, there's something that triggers a sensation, a feeling, a
memory. I just got done watching the new Nana, and I find myself
crying. I can't convince myself I'm ok, and I don't even care what
others notice, as long as I'm not making them feel bad. I still have
that pain in my chest, my heart, that feels like it's split open. That
awful gaping hole that I ignore until I talk to a boy. Pretty much any
boy. I'm a mess, and sometimes I wonder if people can just keel over
and die from heartache. And yet I can't let go. I'm frozen, and it
almost feels like I couldn't live WITHOUT this pain, so it doesn't even
bother me to endure more. It's as if I set myself up for it, over and
over again. Yet everytime I talk to someone, I can't help but wonder if
it's really my voice that's so happy and upbeat, trying to heal the
world of it's wounds. | | |
| Well it would seem when I least expect it, I end up hanging out with him. Tony's a pain in the ass alright... anyways, had a fun night with him, Brittany was randomly in town, with a bunch of guys I might add. Tony of course had to show off for these guys, taking, of course, huge bodily risks, and almost deciding to skate off the roof of a building... boys... *sigh* we also visited garrett for awhile, who tried to steal his dog whistle... but mostly we just walked around and/or sat, and talked. It was a nice night... specially when I was clawing his leg/thigh... haha, all's well that end's well... Night everyone! I work Wed., Thurs, and Sat... visit me! ^.^
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| Wow, the last entry was def. accurate and amazing... Doesn't seem like nearly two months have passed, but they have... Steve hates me now, for reasons only he knows, b/c none of us do. Tony is still basically MIA as far as I'm concerned. I finally saw Saw 3, and I did go and see Happy Feet when it came out, and ended up seeing it with not only Ben, Wibles, Sandra, and Steve, but also Brittany and two of her friends, and Tony, his friend Nikki, and some of his other friends were there too. It was an unexpectedly fun night overall. School still sucks, and I'm still massively failing PreCalc... I've watched hours and hours of anime the past week, and we're doing my room in my new house completely japanese styled... I've basically been wasting away, and hearing random threats from an asshole formerly mentioned, who needs to chill the heck out. And believeing once again, that 99.5% of guys, are either unreliable, assholes or liars, and suck. There are few exceptions, which include Ben, Ed, and Wibles.
There's someone who tells me, if so many people suck, why do I hang out with them, or why do I hang out in town and be bored. Well ya kno what, maybe if you'd come and give me something better to do; rescue me from this rut, I wouldn't BE stuck in such a monotonous life. Back to the only thing that never disappoints me and leaves me hanging; anime.
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| If this disappears like my myspace did- it wasn't me. | | |
| Mood: nauseated. Well, here's a fabulous update of my simply glorious, except not, life:
Eh,
I went to football games, I chilled in town alot, and I babysat, and I
had a bad cold. Not in that order of course, but that pretty much
summarizes the entire month prior to Sunday.
~Sunday, I hung out
with Ben and Steve, and guess who shows up: Tony. Yes, it was the first
real reunion without that awful Stevie drama between us, since we'd
finally talked about it all... and it was very awesome. Except SUMONE
now decides to continue to act like a jealous asshole, but REFUSES to
admit it... ptshm, loser. Sry, but when sumone is just 'your toy' that
doesn't give you any claim whatsoever on them. But whatever, it was a
very awesome night none the less.
~Monday, it turned out that I
didn't have to babysit afterall, so I ended up hanging out with, yes,
Tony. Of course, putting two incredibly indecisive people together in a
car, leads to a very monotonous day of asking the other one, "So... now
what?" regardless, the day was very nice, and I really enjoyed spending
time with him again and talking to him.
~Today, I went to the
highschool, chilled with a bunch of people, then went to Ben's with
Steve, and we all hung out for a bit. We later went to Steve's house,
and Ben left us to goto work. I have Mac and cheese at Steve's house;
yummy. Then me, him, and his mom, all went on a glorious trip, which
took at least an hour, to get Steven's lip pierced. Those were
definitely some of the most stressful hours of my life by the time we
were all said and done. After that we walked around town for a bit, and
just chilled.
Now, I realise I have a dull aching pain that
apparently I've had for months and didn't realise it, b/c the first
time I'd had relief from it was yesterday... I feel very, just full of
emotions over alot of things, but it's ok... I mean afterall all, at
least one of my problems I know what to expect from, considering I've
had it for ages... *sigh* I hate emotions and bonds to people... they
bring more pain than anything else.
And I never thought I'd say
this, but I'm actually sick of hearing guys talk about wanting to fuck
me, but not having feelings for me... I mean wtf? You know what, one
day I shall castrate you all with sporks! | | |
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