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| Wow... I can't believe I'm posting again... It's been almost a year since I've last posted. It's weird how I just get these sudden and totally random urges to post a new blog. I just have a lot on my mind and a lot to say right now. Well here I go~! So anyways, 2007 has ended, and I'm glad to say that it's ended because I can truthfully say that 2007 has been the WORST year of my LIFE. Even though 2007 has ended, I dun really know if I'm ready for a new year. It kinda feels like 2007 is only continuing. So hopefully 2008 will have a good turn for my life. I've been through so much and experienced so many new things in life. I know that these 过程s will only make me a stronger person, but still it was also very hard. 2007 was just one bad event after another. I feel like I didn't get to do anything I really wanted and anything that really made me happy last year.
It first started off with me and sean breaking up, one of hardest things I have ever dealt with. Then meeting the biggest bad boy ever. He just knew exactly how to play a girl. I really wasn't ready to go up against someone like him. lol~ I dun really wanna go on naming all the bad experiences that I've had with guys all throught the year because that would just take forever, but it's just that everytime I thought I had finally found someone that I could be with, everything just goes fuckin wrong! and it hurts, it really does... I've just been hurt soo many times that I've actually become numb to all the pain. I just have this wall built up. ughh... I just can have feelings for a person soo easily! I get attached soo easily! I just can't be like those people who don't care and just wanna have fun. I'm not the type of person who can just hook up with someone and just have a one time thing, even though it's happened. For the other person, they won't care. They just thought they had fun. I just felt that I've acted soo stupid soo many times! Will I ever learn...?! I feel like people are just laughing at me... and for me, I get soo attached, and it hurts so bad. I dunno how many times I've cried over guys this year... It takes me a long time to get over it, but now I really can't feel as much anymore, and I really just get over these stuff soo much faster. and I dun even feel tears anymore. This makes me feel soo incomplete. I'm really the type of person who loves to be in relationships. I love to be in love. 爱是世界上最幸福的事情~ ♥ I can't stand being single. I just hate it! I want to be in love, and I want someone true to love me back. I dunno if I just do this to myself, or I've just had a string of bad luck, but I just hope that this new year will bless me with someone real and true and not just another line of assholes. I just wanna find that one right guy for me, and then I can feel that 我安心了.
I just feel that my life is totally not going the way I want it to. I am not living the life that I want, and I just dunno how to get the kind of life I want to be living. Maybe it's my surroundings, or maybe it's the people around me... Right now I just wanna be able to go out everyday and have a good time. At times I really wanna surround myself with new people that I can really relate to and think the same way I do. I have a huge personality, and I come off really strong and a lot of people can't match up to that. It's get a person talked about a lot, but w/e fuck it. At the end of the day, you really only need a few true friends to be by your side. At this point I really want to have a lot of new people in my life. I dunno how I can meet all these new ppl, but I will try. I wanna get to that lifestyle that I enjoy~
School and what I want to do with my life is another super 伤脑筋 thing. ughh... It really sucks. I dun feel motivated at all in school! I mean I want to do well, but I just can't get myself to do it! As much as I care, I just dun care! >< I dunno wth is wrong with me! I owe it especially to my mom to do well in school, but I'm just not getting there. I hate having her disappointed in me because she is the most wonderful person in my life. Right now, I can't promise that I will definitely start doin well, but I can say I will try and hoepfully I can really try. and with my career, I know what I want to do in life~ I want to be a singer! Yes I do! but my problem is how do I get there. I know I have to work really hard to get there, and I'm willing to do it. I just need my chance. but things always have a chance not working out, and then what am I gonna do...? I dunno yet.
Anyways, there's just soo much to worry about, and I can't bring myself to do anything! I feel like such a useless being at many times... I dun think anyone knows that I'm thinking all of these stuff or feeling the way I do. I always keep things to myself, all bottled up inside. I would never shed a tear in front of someone else. When I cry, it's always alone. I just dun feel free to let others know all of what I'm thinking, not that anybody would undertsand anyways... I just deal with everything myself. This is just the way I am. So probably all of the people around me just think I'm really carefree and happy everyday, and I really wish I was like that, but I'm not. I just act that way because I dun want people to know the way I really feel. It would be just too much trouble for people to know. I really feel something is always missing, and I feel so incomeplete... but I wanna say thanks to the people who were there for me and will continue to be there for me and would actually take the time to listen to me and were patient and not opinionated or judgemental towards me as a person and about what I told them. You know who you are, and I really love you guys!  This is why I've been saying I hope this year is better than the last. No, I REALLY hope this year is BETTER than the last. I really hope something good can happen to me this year, something that's gonna make me happy throughout. I've learned to try my best to be optimistic. Hope is frail, but it's hard to kill. and it's all that I have~ ♥ It feels pretty good to be putting how I think and feel somewhere hehe  This was such a downer post. I want my next post to be a super happy one!  Well this is me! This will probably be a burden and annoying for anyone to read, but oh well... Just dun think I'm complaining complaining complaining~! cuz really, I'm not!~ :)
Well I'm gonna end this post with a pic of how I look now because it's very different~ How I look is always changing~ haha
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| well I'm posting again... gonna just put all my sorrows here... but dun think I'm like emo or anything... lol... I'm not! anyways... I know I have to let you go. I've already let you hurt me soo many times, and you have never had any good reasons. and now you just wanna kick me out of your life for no reason. I'm just really hurt by that. I don't understand why you are doin this... What did I do wrong?? 我已經什麼都做得很好了. I have always been so good to you, even better than I should have been. I did soo much for you, but how can you be soo cold to me now...? 你到底有沒有良心啊? I don't understand, just because you are not here anymore, you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore. and you can say so easily that you have no feelings for me anymore, but we have been through so much. It's like you don't know me anymore... What happened to the you that I loved so much?? It's like you just disappeared... I really wish you would come back... Have you forgot everything that has happened between us?? all those promises you made, the forever you said... Did you really mean it?? It doesn't matter now. You shouldn't make promises and say things you can't keep. How did I make you hate me so much?? I didn't do anything wrong. You're not even mature enough to even say to me to have a regular relationship and to still keep in contact. We were so close. It's like losing the person that you were closest to. I'm just soo disappointed in you... It's the memories and feelings I still have to let go. It's hard, but I will be able to do it. 我還是有點不想要,但我知道我是一定要做到的. I will find my happiness without you. You are not my everything. Love me for me, or don't love me.
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|  this is how I look now~
my god... my first time posting in over a year... lol... dunno why all of a sudden I'm posting. anyways, 我现在好sad。我好想你哦。已经快要两个月没有听到你的消息。I dunno what I'm gonna do. it's so hard waiting. I feel so blank without you. like my life is meaningless. 真的 need you back. 你是我的幸福。快要到我们的 one year anniversary. hope you remember~ ♥ need some fun in my life! wanna go out everyday and hang out! 但是有时候，我哪里都不想要去因为就觉得心情 really bad... it's all your fault! you better come back to me! ♥ you ****! | | |
| whoa!! I haven't updated in a million years!! lol... I've been too lazy.. and school has started. got all the classes I wanted, everything is going pretty good so far. I also changed the music to BoA's Can't Let Go. I love that song!! It's my fave from Girls On Top!! and DBSG's new album came out!! I need to go buy it!!!
Rising Sun
aww.. they are so sweet!! they visited kids with illnesses in hospitals and spent time with them!! my boys are just soo thoughtful and sweet!!
its soo sad... Hero had injured himself and had to get surgery.  He can't walk or dance now....
BoA's new single Make A Secret
She is so pretty on the covers!!! like always!! and the songs are soo good!! Love the cute little drops of water sounds in LONG TIME NO SEE!! lol...
well that's gonna be it for now!! I'll try to update soon!! <3<3 | | |
| I'm back!! haven't posted for over a month!! such a long time!! the
Korean Music Festival 2005 at the Hollywood Bowl was on April
23rd and I'm posting about it now.. lol... but it was like the
best day of my life!! so much fun!! being able to see Rain and
Se7en, omg they look so freakin good in person!! I also thought
Wheesung didn't look very good before, but after seeing him in person I
totally changed my mind!! gosh hes hot!! so glad I got pool seats, but
I wish I could've gone backsatge!! and Courtney kept on screamin sarang
hae yo.. I was actin like an insane person at the
concert!! lol.. gonna show you some pics and clips now!!
enjoy!! and also put a new song from Se7en!! its Style!!
Korean Music Festival at Hollywood Bowl 2005 (deleted pics)
NOW SE7EN!!!! and did you know
Se7en waved at me!!! I was standing up on a chair in the first row
jumping up and down screamin Se7en and he waved!! omg!! I was gonna
faint!! can't believe he actually looked at me!! I'm such a dork..
lol... wish I got that recorded RAIN!!
if you had seen Rain dance.. my god!! was gonna faint!! he was
shakin his ass too right in front of our faces.. lol.. it sucked that
they tightened security when Rain was about to come on!! I couldn't get
that close to him!! only got up to the third row!!
Rain is soo freakin tall!! lol... the member from NRG standing next
to Rain was all laughin at me and Courtney cuz we were putting our
hands into a heart above our heads screaming Rain!! haha
well gonna post up the clips a lil later!! so cya!!
and oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAEBIN OPPA!!
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Korean Music Festival clips!!
just to tell you there are EXTREME SCREAMING in
these clips!! sorry if your hearing was damaged from watching these
clips.. lol... you will also hear Courtney screaming sarang hae yo many
times in the clips!! and both of us screamin Rain
Rain!! lol.. if you actually listen closely, you might
actually hear them sing!!
here ya go
Se7en clip 1
Se7en clip 2
Wheesung clip 1
Wheesung clip 2
NRG clip
Mya clip
Lee Soo Young clip
clip 1
clip 2
Everybody singing together clip
dun worry, I'll upload the Rain clips later cuz those take really long to upload.. lol..
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here are two Rain clips cred to Courtney though you didn't record them... ya happy?!!
April 30 2005 Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena
Rain clip 1
Rain clip 2
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