So, since there still seems to be some life left in the old bag, Xanga, I shall make an entry.

Balancing school, work, and personal life is complicated. For some reason I keep forgetting that GameStop is only a fun job while I'm in college. I find myself obsessing over it from time to time, it affects school. School is where my real future is, but GameStop keeps distracting me. My GPA for last semester was a 3.0. Upsetting, considering that my original intention was to achieve a 4.0. The schoolwork wasn't hard, so then why did I drop so far from my goal? Because of work. Because of the life that was urgent. I'm not realizing that urgent and important have two very different meanings. I've prioritized, but the hardest part isn't making the order, it’s sticking with it. I must remain goal-oriented, and I must shoot to kill. I've found my honor once more, and now, I plan to keep it!

Aim small; miss small. I must treat GameStop like what it is, the red-headed step child that distracts me from possible greatness.

I have this new idea that I'll change my major from digital media to something science. There are many reasons for this change, and mainly it is because I've started to realize that the video industry thrives off of one dominant goal, and that is to make money. Meaning that how good our game really is, is dependant upon how many copies it sells, and how it is advertised; not on the actual quality of the game, or what boundaries it crosses. If it's too complicated for someone to understand or put time into, then it's over. Honestly, this doesn't make me proud. I feel like if I dedicated myself to science then I would be living a more honorable path, because the government needs scientists and engineers, which would hopefully satisfy my ego. There is only one thing that I have never become bored with; martial arts. The obsession that if my body isn't fit to save the ones that I love, then I might as well not exists, or not love. I exist for self-improvement. For knowledge and understanding; for challenge. I see myself programming works of art, which will only be viewed as money; programming not for the sake of creativity, but for what I know the market currently wants to see. Art, on its own, is mysterious, but how many secrets will it be able to keep delivering over the years? This isn't something that I can just bail-out on when I get tired of it. I have to choose a career that will keep my mind searching for answers years after I've started. I thought politics may be a good career for me, because there is always something to fight for, and my natural personality skills and charisma could be put to good use. But I don't think I want a degree in political science, because that sounds like a joke. Political science is the degree that people choose when they don't know what kind of major they want. Honestly, what I want is to be well-rounded; having vast amounts of knowledge in every subject. That could be useful if I were to join politics; a politician that is enlightened in many subjects, I'm sure, is an ideal thing.

...I should just change my major to philosophy. But then I wouldn't be able to do anything but teach philos. and become a minister. God, I hate this. What if I became a Marine, like my father. Just looking at the text of the word, it seems powerful. I could definitely be a Marine, but I'm not so sure I want to walk my father's footsteps. I want to explore something different. But nothing seems right. Maybe I shouldn't change my major. I like writing as well..

I could become a journalist! Traveling to foreign countries to bring the story home. It's slightly dangerous, it requires some creativity, and I'm helping the populace. I'm going to think on that some more.

If only I had became a musician.

I've become the person who is in college and doesn't know what to do with their life. That means I'm subconsciously conforming. Damn.

Currently Reading Blood and Gold (Vampire Chronicles) By Anne Rice see related

This is for you, JOSH GARON!!!! (I don't know, I just wanted to get your attention) :p

Currently Listening 10,000 Days By Tool see related

The heart of a child
The soul of a legend
The courage of a hero

Easter: worked, ate sub-way at 9 at night, though, our dinner was great.

Playing DMC 3 SD. It's hard... But what's really hard is the fact that if you can't kill a boss, lets say you die, then you have to go through the entire mission again. That's crap, I have to tinker away, wasting time with all the small stuff again just because something that was supposed to be hard, kicked my ass. I'm fighting the two guardians. I finaly kill one and then the second went ape shit on me. Grabed his brother's sword and started conjuring tornados. He was under half health and then I died.... DAMMIT!!! So for now, I'm taking a break.

Alright, I'll give a decent entry.

I think I'm a crappy driver. More to the point, my attention has become something like "hot potato". Yesterday, I got into my car and started to go down my street at 3 m/h when I notice a big hair on my shirt. I look down and pick it off, I look up and I hit my next door neighbor’s mailbox. Oh, Jesus Christ. What the hell, now. His mailbox survived, there was a second mailbox for newspapers, though, that was attached to the bottom, and that took a beating. The box broke off but it was still intact. It was made of wood; apparently, he made it. So, I spent the next 20 min. repairing it. Now, today, I was pulling out and Josh was looking at me and telling me something through a body gesture, when (going 3 m/h, again) I hit the curb. Josh's laughing pierces the air with mocking intensity. Damn, again.

It seems all my mishaps happen when I'm going 3m/h, I need to remember that going extremely slow doesn't mean that I can take my attention off the road.

I'm been really joyful, lately. Today, I wanted to scream with joy in CW. Unusual, though, I'm warmly greeting the change.

I'm a failure. To many perspectives, I would assume. But have I failed myself, yet? I don't know. I'm referring to school. I am not an unintelligent man, nor am I one you would call ignorant; but, that doesn't mean much if I don't apply the talents I have. What would Shakespeare have been if he never wrote a play? Nothing, I suppose. Despite what insight he may have possessed of human nature, he would be nothing. Hmm, is that true? Maybe, he could be something to someone, or the whole world to one person. Is someone who is there for someone else, as achieved as, someone who does something that provides for a bulk of society, but in a less intimate way. For instance:

Would a fat bold man that supports his wife and three kids the best he can be considered as achieved as someone, like, Dan Brown. I feel that in the end my answer will be- "It's all perspective" Is there a common ground? Is there not a tangible line between what's right and what's wrong? I'm getting tired of perception being the only real judge of things, stating (in my view) that you really can't judge anything that will forever, in every light, be considered one solid thing. Where, where, where, can I find the answers. The place where everything is the same. And when I find that place, will I still want it. What's my purpose in living. What is my goal? I've found my drive, but I have no real direction, I feel. What to do. Happiness can't be my only goal, it has to be more complicated than that, I feel. I know, I know, "simplify"; but my goal, at least, has to be complicated. I'm tired of living my simple life. Well, I was tired of living a complicated life, there came the reform; but now, I think I prefer the complicated style better. I can't undo the years, ctrl+z doesn't work in real life, sadly. We gain from the bad, as well, so I've read and agree; so, I should be satisfied with the past and just reform again. Hell, reforming is even fun... Maybe only fun because what I'm turning into now, is improvement. Maybe, experiencing some points of views isn't improvement; but, for instance, what kinds?