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| I'm coming out of retirement only to say...
Happy Birthday my dear Jace!!
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| I think I am going to go on a "all but essential email" fast from the internet, to follow the trend of fasting from things, I am afraid I waste far too much time on here. I don't know for how long... | | |
| My Torrey Conference: 10/21/05
I never thought that ditching Biola and Torrey conference this year would lead me to my own, possibly far more valuable (at least for what God wanted to teach me now) conference.
My dad has been holding lectures at Fuller Seminary this week, and I've definitely done nothing as I planned.
First, I had to realize that I didn't have my dad all to myself- not just the fact that he had lectures and had to talk to EVERYONE in the universe afterward (it may have been a few years, but I'm still used to that)- I also had to share him with two of his fellow missionaries who came here to work with him this week.
I broke down a bit yesterday night, but I think God poked me in the side (affection!) and reminded me how blessed I was even to be in the presence of my dad for a short time, even if we didn't get to talk very much.
I used to always be sad and hurt that I couldn't talk to my dad, now that we have finally found something in common (yay Torrey and theology!), we don't have the time to talk about it. I realized that just as I have been coveting my friends' time and conversation, I was doing the same to my dad. God then proceeded to smack me on the head for my ungratefulness and fixed the evening by having frozen yogurt at 21 choices (which I had been to with my photo class, but didn't realize) and then reading nearby until my dad fell asleep.
I have also had to face some serious objections to my entire way of thinking, the funny thing being, the objections are ones that have mostly been raised in this past year already, I’m not sure I like this answer though. I may post more on that later, once my thoughts are a bit more sorted out, though I’m not sure it would be of much interest to all but 3 members of my audience (possibly 4).
It’s so funny, I am so apt to relying on myself, and being utterly miserable for it. Sometimes I feel like I am living two lives: one in utter dependence on God, unable to do anything of myself and yet filled with joy and “inward consolation” (according to Thomas å Kempis), and another in perfect pride and contempt, empty and desolate, that especially springs up every time I realize that I am being humble (ha!). These two flipflop so quickly that I can’t even comprehend or gaurd against it.
God showed me that this morning.
He also helped me see the issue of the week, ie- wrath. I freely admit that I used to be a very wrathful and violent person (thought I doubt many who only know me recently would believe me) and I really thought this may be the one of the 7 deadly sins that God had mostly overcome in my life... I thought.
I realized that there is a deeper element to wrath than mere violence and passion, there is the reason for that abandonment. This seems (at least in me) to rise from a desire to defend myself and my own honor/reputation at all costs. I may not get angry, but I constantly defend my actions (and my words) with more words. I realized that I wasted most of my midrags doing that, as well as the good advice I got from Dr. Sanders this week, rather than contemplating the ideas, I rushed to defend why that may be true, but I of course would never do that. Yeah right...
I usually do take good advice to heart, but I doubt anyone giving it would realize that from the way that I immediately respond to it.
So, I started this morning with a new attitude of wanting to hear what my dad had to say, rather than defending my own actions. God scores a point yet again, with my dad giving me the best advice on boys that I have probably ever gotten. I didn’t tell him this, because I was listening today, but he managed to sum up all of the issues I have had and had to learn the hard way from about relationships with the opposite sex this last year, and then topped it off with perfectly understanding my current situation (better than anyone else could, except maybe my mom if she tried, owing to his knowledge of the situation) and applying those principles in exactly how I have been seeking to know.
Ok- if you have gotten this far (haha!) and you were one of the participators in the “group DTR” of a few weeks ago, I would like to share his conclusions, because I think he answered pretty much everything we were wondering about, but I think it would be better to do that in person.
Yes dad, I know you have my Xanga site now and will read this. I want to thank you for a wonderful week, even though it is not over, for being the best dad I could ever have asked for, an example of what it is to diligently follow God for 30 years and still be going strong, and for always saving me a place in your heart no matter how far away I am. Thank you for letting me into your world this week, I am so proud of you.
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| What I learned from my weekly devotional (ie- the Lewis Metatorrey) Weight of Glory: Transposition
*1 John 5:20-21 "And we know that the Son of god has come, and has given us understanding so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life.
Little children, guard yourselves from idols."
We are constantly making idols out of the gifts that God bestows on us. It's like the little kid making mud pies when he could be going to Disneyland (mixing metaphors here, but oh well). God trains us little by little to love Him for who He is by giving us simple pleasures for good things and pains for bad. Slowly we should grow in our capacity to enjoy- you hear that? Grow! Not become deadened to senses, but have our senses be infinitely more meaningful as they come in tune with the Spirit of God.
God gives us understanding as believers indwelt by the Holy Spirit. His word tells us this, but what kind of understanding is it? One student proposed that it was the kind of understanding that relates to purpose and meaning. She gave an example that she, as a psychologist, would be a better psychologist as a believer than as an unbeliever (not better than anyone else, just herself) because she could treat the spiritual part of people because she knew that it existed.
I agree that this may be one element of this understanding, that we are better informed, but I wonder if it is something far more than that.
I wonder if there is this entire level of human capacity that goes beyond the physical brain (though it is mitigated through it) that a believer can tap into through the means of the Holy Spirit. Through this, we would have more capacity to think, to know truth, both in what can be expressed in words and in what can't.
If this is true, then we ought to become sharper and more intelligent, possibly even more skilled in all areas of life as we become more life Christ and build those connections between God's Spirit and ours. This has nothing to do with having a greater capacity than any other person, rather it is about having a greater capacity than this flesh, or even my own finite spirit. We should also not become concerned when we connect and understand more than we can express in words, though maybe the outlet of art or music can help with that.
These are the thoughts that I wasn't able to express in class, as I was a guest. I am very interested on any feedback.
* Thanks Seth, if you get this far, for helping me to say that verse in class. I really appreciated it. 
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| Yay for random meetings in the rain... ok, so it was sutherland, but I was dripping uncontrollably! It was nice to sit for an unplanned meal with an unplanned friend... and it's nice to be able to see when you are talking to 'em this time. 
Today was a day of getting things done- I feel like I am being pressed to continue with Oxford stuff, I got a ton of signatures in the 3 hours that I would normally be in session, yay! Alot more to go yet, but when I give out my third faculty reccomendation tomorrow and meet about transferring history classes, I will be getting much much closer.
I really like my job. I never thought I'd enjoy reading academic articles, I have really never thought of myself as an academic type in the least (don't laugh, please) but this is opening my eyes to a whole world that I don't think looks half bad.
I am officially a Bible geek too. I have one free night to read for fun and part of it is spent on a Bible dictionary. When did this happen to me!? I assure you, something has entered my brain and fooled me into thinking things like this are fun...
I think I will start reading LOTR again tonight, too bad my cousin has my copy of the first book.
I finished Heidelberg! One more Torrey book left, along with notes and some rereadings of the Pauline Epistles... wow. On the other hand, it really shouldn't have taken me 2 months to read a book this short.
My daddy comes tomorrow! I am intolerably excited.
I need to start carrying cough drops around with me more often....
New people met today: 6
Names remembered: 2! (that's really good for me)
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