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Disappeared
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Name: Vanessa
Country: United States
State: Colorado
Birthday: 12/18/1971
Gender: Female
Interests: Living vicariously through books, friends, movies, TV....I have a cat. She listens to me.
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Computers (Hardware)
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/11/2002
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| Fantasy WorldIs it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? What about to have loved and then been taken for granted for the rest of your life than never to have loved at all? In my fantasy world I never got married, never had kids, went to New School in New York for college, get up in the mornings and drink espresso, go to my mid level exec job in the city after an hour and half commute by train from the rural mountain town I live in, where my house is a late 1800's fixer upper (which I am fixer uppering myself on the weekends), and I have more cats and books than anyone else I know. And probably no TV, or else an old "analog" TV that I have to get up and turn the knob to change the channels. I have time to work out, to cook real food (not hurry up and eat), to relax and to be a nice person. I also get to sleep spread eagle in the bed....I think women's fantasies are a little different than men's. | | |
| I don't know where I am in this world. I don't know if everyone feels this lost and just keeps it inside or if I am alone...It's so hard to decide which mask I want to drop. Does it make me happy to be miserable? I think I wouldn't know who I am if I were happy or content. I like the stench of despair. Patchouli and horse shit smells like home. I have a new crush. It's someone I knew in high school but haven't seen in person in years. It's a digital relationship. He doesn't even know I'm trapping him. I always catch and release anyway. I learned the hard way with Him... It's just fantasy anyway. I don't exist so how can anything here exist? Let's see how much I hurt myself this time. | | |
| My 2 lives, digital and tangible....Which is the reality and which is the fantasy? Sybil...?...?... | | |
| i keep a mask glued to my face. underneath i'm hollow, nobody home, no lights are on. use a candle. what if the wind blows out my eyes?  | Currently Watching
The Hours
By Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, Stephen Dillane, Miranda Richardson
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How do I know when its time? I'm so lonely these days. husband won't talk to me. Saw a show with a cutter who wasn't a cutter. she slammed her hand in a drawer. why didn't i think if that? i can't stop crying. fighting fighting fighting without saying a word. it hurts too much. i don't know what i need... need to stop crying. deadline day at work. lots of phone calls and have to talk to people i don't want to share with. car is dead dead dead. not good. wish it were me.
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Winter Passing
By Zooey Deschanel, Darrell Larson, John Bedford Lloyd, Deirdre O'Connell, Mandy Siegfried
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