wow i havent written in here for a long time...No one really reads this site anymore so i just feel like venting about my health problems to get it off my chest..

so over the past 3months ive been in and out of the hospital 5 times,long stays,lots of tests,and still no clear answers...ive been bounced back and forth like a pin ball,from doctor to docotor,all telling me somethings really wrong but they cant exactly pin point which autoimmune disease it is,or what to treat it with because my body has become so frail and weak. they all say "whatever it is,u got it BAD" and i do. i was doing better this last week,even planning on going out with friends,but then monday i was hit again with a flare up of some sort,and it flew me for a whirlwind! my blood pressure keeps dropping to 80/30,which is horrible! and i stopped breathing a couple of times,which scared the shit out of me! i cant relax,becasue once i do,i feel like im guna stop breathing again,its so weird and horrible. i ache all over,in soooo much pain,it takes my breath away,and soo dizzy i feel like im guna throw up all day long.

Finall this morning i broke down crying because i went another night without sleep(because of the pain and low bp) and my mom and dad decided to take me to my old doct. to see if i needed to be admitted to the hospitla again.

he decided that he wants me back on pregnizone,to see if it will raise my bp,stop the aching all over,and maybe get me out of this flare...but that means ill be looking like a blow fish again(it causes ur face to get puffy and fat) and i may end up getting worse(which i sometimes do from these meds) so im really stressed at the moment,and can barely type this out(but i gotta keep doing things to keep my mind off the pain)

today i was supposed to go to nikoles sisters wedding,bt i couldnt. tuesday is the sr.pic and im praying ill be able to make it up there. then we got sr.ball which im not going with a date to,cuz i dont wana ruin anyones time if i nee to leave early,i mean i may not even be able to go now that i have another flare...and then graduation,and im PRAYING that i will feel well enough to sit through that!

im missing out on some of the best times of my life,and it gets really hard. until uve experienced having a chronic illness,im sure its hard to understand how upsetting this all is.but it gets really really depressing being so sick u cant get out of bed,or the house for months and months at a time....

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/6852981 <~~myspace..I'm usually there now a-days lol

Soo all ive been doing lately is watching movies... I rented, Napolean, Wimbldon,Anchor man,and Garden State. I looooved Garden state and was the only one in my family who did, I guess I like those odd movies. But with my current situation I could totally relate to the main character,its freaky lol. Anchor man was funny, its movies like that just kill me,cuz some things arent that funny,but are funny just for that reason..which brings me to Napolean...which is a little overrated i think,cuz it was a little but slow in my opinion,yet had such a good humor,only me and my dad enjoyed it lol. were both corny in a way,my mom and sis just dont appreciate weird humor haha.

anyways I bought the garden state soundtrack cuz I love it! mellow,and real haha. I still wana buy the soundtrack to Closer,but havent gotten around to it yet...

so this entry was pointless i guess,just bored,taking a break in between doing hw.

Christmas was awesome,and sucky all at the same time lol. um of course my illness ruined the day again, i woke up really sick and ended up not being able to go to my grandmas . but having my sis,mom,and dad,all together x-mas morning was great! i miss my sis living at home,so it was cool that she spent the night. we even wore matching pj pants haha,i love her so much! and she got me the best present,tickets to the concert i wanted to go to,so were going together!my parents did good too! lol,i got everything from a yoga mat,jewlery,movies,cd's and really cool stuff for my room. i also got a journal made from hemp and bamboo,and banana leaves,its so tight.

anyways i had to lay around all day,and i felt so bad cuz once again my mom had to stay home and take care of me....i hate this,i keep getting worse and worse,and all the med's i try out make me feel sicker...i was so scared on x-mas cuz i felt exactly like i did when i had to stay in the hospital and i really didnt want that to happen!

so 2morow i have a doctor apt. and we'll see what she comes up with. wed. mke is guna take me shopping if i feel well enough,and thursday is girls day with my sis. then friday im having people over for new years,cuz my parents are guna be out. it was guna be a big party,but they said they may come home b4 midnight,so i guess it'll just be a kickback. if u wana come by,its cool with me,just dont get crazy cuz the 'rents might come back,and i dont wana deal with that!lol

Today Im officially an adult, thats right...I have to start acting older..o well, that wont happen lol. so its my birthday...i woke up sick. my da dwoke me up at 4:30 am(when he leaves for work) to wish me a happy b-day, and then i went downstairs this morning to a large birthday banner lol,and a very cute cake my mom made me,along with a bouquet of balloons  tonight im going to see meet the fockers,and going to dovewood to look at lights. Patti is coming over to give me a gift so it'll be cool to see her. and im going out to lunch in a lil bit(after i watch days of our lives of course haha)

Yesterday Nikole took me to get my nails done for my birthday,and the lady cut up all of my fingers...no joke! its horrible and hurts like hell,so i have to go over there today to get my m oney back and show the manager. o well, i had fun with nikole! we went to best buy to buy my moms present,but they didnt have it,so then we had to go over to target....wasnt there either...so i ended up going to dimple,and phew,they had it! i love dimple,that like one of my favorite stores lol. well i gtg, byee

I wrote this friday in my myspace...

sooooo I  had the most Awesome 18th birthday party! It was a suprise party that my mom planned,and it was crzy fun! 1st We all got picke dup in a Limo Party Bus from school. That was tons of fun, it had a huge big screeb TV in the back,and was just soo much fun! we all danced and opened presents and all that good stuff. Thanx to everyone who came! and for all my great gifts! I got 80bucks to anywhere in sunrise mall from paul pat mike and jackie,another 25 from scott,and 20 to friedricks of hollywood from derek lol. danica got me a really cute panty/pj set and scrap book,nelli got me a big black purse from victorias secrect filled with strawberry purfume/lotion/shampoo, aly got me a hilarious book about men! haha, and elisa got me 30 bucks at wet seal! awesome!(and my sis bought me naughty bash wash with a penis filled with body gel haha)
Then we were driven to old sac and got one of those old time photo's done, which looks hella cute!! we walked around downtown(well in my case i was pushed around in a wheelchair lol,which was crazy at times cuz the guys kept popin' wheelies with me in it! lol) and shopped in the plaza and evangalines.....went in the naughty section lol. the guys went in and bought me a sticker that said "fuck me its my birthday" lol
After all of that we went to the hardrock cafe' and ate. that turned into a crazy party lol. there were 3 other birthdays going on. they decorated the table with balloons and took me to the center of the resturant and sang to me,which was really embarassing haha. but then these wild little kids(like 15) came in with their parents and were sat right by us, they started yellign all this stuff,but by the end of te night we were all cool lol,and they all got up and sang (very very loudly) happy birthday to me,and it was cute. And all my friends signed a hard rock t-shirt and gave it to me at the end of the night
umm theres too much to write about tonight, but i have to say, it was the best birthday party ive ever had, and will remember it forever! thankyou everyone who came,u guys are awesome friends,and i love u guys soooo much!!!!!