May I Indulge in a little Introspection?

(I just finshed writing the following for an IBLP newsletter: I don't know if they'll use it, but after spending all that time I might as well see if I can get someone else to think about it too! I dunno, I suppose I didn't talk enough about "ministry" stuff that I did. But as I thought about what God brought me through, this was the truth that I had to tell about it.)

  My sister Naomi and I planned ever since last February to be part of the CI trip to Taiwan/Hong Kong this year…mostly because of our amazing experiences during the first two trips we had joined. We’ve done a number of short-term missions trips with IBLP, and the expectation would be that we would get into a rut; that the work would become routine and expectable. But that was not the case.

  I think I have found that the greatest lesson I learn while on missions trips to Taiwan and elsewhere is valuing other people...because I value Christ. Projects will soon become routine: but people are always new, always challenge me to give myself up for them by giving myself up for Christ.

  In past years, there have been great opportunities to build lasting friendships with native Taiwanese people, and I looked forward to continuing those relationships and also making a connection with new friends. Yet as the four-week trip progressed, I found myself grasping and failing to find fulfillment and purpose in being there. The greatest sense of accomplishment and worth comes when I meet a challenge that is nearly too much, but I feel Christ hold me up in the midst of it. But this year, everything seemed familiar and cozy. Particularly teaching C.I. small groups, I felt like I was unable to reach students because I was doing all the same old things that I had done before.

  During the third week, in Taipei, God convicted me of my lack of love for others: students, fellow teachers, and friends in the area. I recognized just how much I was focusing on the process of teaching rather than reveling in the people God was bringing across my path.

  If becoming proficient in lesson-teaching was taking the challenge out of the C.I., it could only mean that my vision was limited to teaching lessons – rather than touching and changing the lives of students and co-workers! Ouch!

  I’d like to say that everything snapped into place from then on, but the truth is that it continued to be a struggle. God allowed me to feel increasing love and compassion for my precious young students, but I constantly was conscious of my apathy and lack of vision for being there. As I clung more desperately to Christ, reaching and pleading to see his hand in my life, I slowly began to have renewed motivation to inspire the same in others. And as I wanted it more, I realized how much I was lacking.

  As God worked on me in this area, I sometimes felt somewhat like an unregenerate Hippie, but, hey, that has it's fun times as well (In Hong Kong, Tim Chen asked a Role Call question that everyone had to give their answer to: "What would you like to accomplish in life?" All I could answer was "I want to love somebody.")

  I did finally begin to see God’s hand in unexpected blessings and impossibly timed coincidences; in the glowing thanks of parents whose children were already changing for the better at home. I continue to see it in the fruit being born in the lives of those I’m still keeping in touch with.

  But for me, the story of Taiwan/Hong Kong 2007 is one of becoming hungry and thirsty for righteousness, of counting all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ. The experiences of this trip brought me, more than ever, to desire God’s control in my life, rather than my own.