Doll_Leigh's Xanga

dead babies and more

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 04:46:35 GMT

Never hold off telling somone your preggers. And definalty not after you lost it... well let them know, but dont wait.. It really screws you over in the end. No matter what happens. Wether you can take care of it on your own or not.. or whatever the fuck you have planed.

part two.. If your gonna do something. Do it. Odnt be chiken. Wether you feel like youve completely destroyed yourself because of it. Dosent matter.. you can do whatever you can for people... but theres a point where you cant blame them.

there are plenty of things to be upset about tonight...greatness.. greaness

The one that made it out?

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:26:05 GMT

Wish I had a better title...Guess thats not gonna happen today. Well recently Ive had too many things toworry about. But I do have to say that they became a bit less since I moved all the way out to vacaville. ITs ice. Its quiet.. people here mind there own business. And since they do..I can live my life. yay? I mena I do enjoy social interactions, but seriously. Ive only met two people I actualyl enjoy hanging out with since Ive been here. Grant and luara. ( Luara is the shit! lol needed to put that) Well And their daughter. Emma. Shes so darn cute... my place was more child proof Id steal there kid. lol jkjk..but... they keep trying to convince me to take her home with me...::shrug:: who knows. Other news if anyone reads this. Jake proposed to me. Yes.. thats witha big shiney ring....And Ive been sitting here thinking about it. Wth all the things that happend. What he trying to say. ANd alot of people think Im doing this blindly. yeah I can see why.. Im only 21. Alot of people have come up and told me that im an idiot for even saying yes. I see all there reasons. And all I start to do is feel bad. cause seriosuly. Im tired of getting shit like that from people. Ive stood up formyself but for some reason THEY are REALLY agianst it. And its like yes, I have an alone issue. well not as much of an alone issue. As much as Id like to leave a legacy instead of just dieing alone. For all the guys who say they love me or tell me that they never had the chance Im sure if I called all this off. Theyd vanish! Simple as that. And being with someone isnt of my main concern but if they are all getting butt hurt about jake proposing( mind you I havent planed shit and its been a while, so im in no rush) the only person that really makes.. or stands up above the rest. Shawn. And thats because of a lot of things. I cant be with him. theres just.. as much as that be great..the future i see.. I have no idea where its going.. I see noplans than where hes at right now. And yeah maybe thats what everyone else is tryign to tell me. I dont need to worry abotu making a future. HAving a house and car and ... lets throw kids in for that classic picture look. But its like. THen when am i going to do that? When am i going to actually going to stop renting.. have a house.. have friends over when ever, people over to party and not act like .. MORONS. Just somethign easy...less dramatic.. just make it a reality. like i have to be rich one day to ahve everythign i want. No.. not really.. just for the more expensive things on my list, but in the end.. I really just kinda want peopel to not be so mean abotu the whole engagement thing. Jake is a really great person...(acts like a blonde sometimes and thats amazing.. cause he walks around without a brain everyonce ina while. makes for interesting entertainment) The only thing thats getting to me is.. Who else watns to stop this? And are they doing it cause they care abotu me or because of there own selfish reasoning.

that was a lot of writing. Hope someoen could get it. -.-;;

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 02:40:03 GMT

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Cant find me now

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 19:30:53 GMT

So im finally moved.. and seriously.. i dont think anyone could find me if they wanted to. then again i dont want them to.Im feeling empty agian. like I know he loves me, but i feel so bord. Like i do love him.. very much so, but i m so far away agian. tehre is nothign sparking my interest or to be excited baout. I know its there.I keep telling myself to stop trying to look so much for the extrodanary.I geuss there is no one but me who can keep my ever runnig mind entertaind. But the entire time i feel so empty. Like i just feel distant from myself. something is draining me. Im pissed off about it. Solving my problems...one step at a time. Just stop askig for so much. i dont need all that. its just what im used to. I normally just have so many more things going on. Damn seperation from the city.. I miss it.. I miss being so stressed out a cigerette in the midlle of the day setteld it all..maybe thats it...I dont feel like im chokeing anymore.. but its too much aair... let me go..

the new game

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 04:43:58 GMT

There are million things better out there.And I been keeping myself busy. Its a neat feeling tonot have someone obsessing over me. But its nice knowing that Hes responsible, pays all his bills and still has extra money to spend. Opens doors..makes sure your comfy. if you dont wanna do it.. dose it for you.. or maks it easier. smokes a bit, but its not a problem. there are worse things.. Love what Im doing now....talk more later..

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 06:57:56 GMT

Its on thursday... I dont want to be there. Is that such a problem.I geuss not. not like I have much else. I dont even know why Im here. fuck it..

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 04:50:46 GMT

I seem to be unhapp no matter what I do. Or what I think. Im worried as all hell or Im depressed. Im happy fuck.. Its waaay the fuck borderline in my head right now. Or how I appear. Im Worried about where theings are going recently. I feel like everything is running at me at once. but theres not point in expressing myself. I dont understandit fully and I dont need anyone else to understand.

I know whats coming and It makes me sick.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 07:31:41 GMT

THere is no wining cause I cant let myself do that. Today started out fine. wasnt hving all that bright of a day but I was acomplishing something but then the power gose out at work and we close down cause its food service.fridges and whatnot run mostly on electricity. So we close for the day. and I have to go home. Woo hoo. Come home get a few extra hours of bsing and sleep in. Nice lovely. Really Im stil pissed off from yesterday but I was getting better till I got a cal from Tina. She said that they need to move the trailor off the lot. Fine! ITs there proporty and I have no say in that, but Shan has to come over and do it so I cant bethere. One cause I dont want to be and two restraining order. I mean its been broken before why not this time tina? Parole officer catching on? Mabey I just need to learn to get over it.::sigh:: whatever. Cant stop thinking about mom either. Just all the stages I watched her go through. Im sure dosent see like anything to anyone else and Im not trying to envoke feeling into anyone. I just realised I was way to observant for how young I was. I saw how she was. Drunk , high, out of it, gone, angery, depressed, talkative, jelous, pissy to where you know anything you say is wrong;JOndus( however that is spelled) which mind you is really really gross. Getting bit by a snake.. or trying so hard to do something for me but she couldnt.I dont even remember her saying she loved me. I remember her tellig me stories. And cuddling me. Telling me how proud she was of e during school. I mean she only saw me through kindergarten and part of first grade.was that enough. I mean. Did I miss treat her that entire time is there Any possible way I took her for granted? I didnt know better. I was too young. Tomarrow is the bridal shower.. not ecited to be going. Oh well.. theres nothing I can really do is there?no none of this. Its all just a bunch of meaningless words all typed out.rambles and ranting..Sometimes.. Is it all just supposed to be meaningless..

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 09:40:28 GMT

Im not happy.. and I dont want to be here aymore

Monday, September 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 20:31:43 GMT

Dave mathews is here on weds and I dont know what to do. I ve been wating to see them forever and lastyear I was gonna go but Tina took shan and I was pissed. but now they are here ad I dont have the moneyand I have work... IT SUX!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Ive listend to them for practicaly since I was born.. AND IVE STILL NEVER GOTTEN TO GO! ARGHHHHH...

Im not happy bout it.. at all...