Can I go back???

Time passes oh so quickly.

I'm afraid of moving on.  I'm afraid of losing my friends.  I'm afraid of what lies ahead and what is yet to come.  I'm afraid of what I'm leaving behind.  I don't understand how, when you finally find good people and good things with which to surround yourself, you are torn in another direction.  Why did I decide on a school that is so far away with so few breaks? 

I miss you all already...

It's like I've come undone... I've only just become inflatable for you.

And my heart did time in Siberia

Was waiting for the lie to come true

But it's all so dark and mysterious

When the one you want doesn't want you too

In my dreams you are still here

Like you've always been

I'm not ready to leave it all behind. 

Every single person I've crossed paths with these past four years has impacted me immensly.  I'm not so sure I'm ready to let all of that go.

As much as I've been wanting to leave these past few weeks, I'd do anything to stay right now.  I'm not ready to let go of all of the great people I've met or to part from a place that I've learned to call my own.

You all mean so much to me.  You will never understand.  I'd give anything for another week. 

I know that, come this time next year, things will never be the same as they are now.  I will have lost contact with many people I've learned to treasure, loosened bonds with people I once shared a great connection with, and slipped away from those I have come to call my best friends.  I hope to God this doesn't happen. 

I don't want to leave.  Not yet.  It's too soon, and I'm not ready... there are still things left to be said, hugs to be given, thank you's to be delivered.  This is all happening too quickly.

I don't want to say goodbye yet.

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat 1]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

We on the grind in...
All the time, It ain't
Nothin on my mind but...
We ain't playin witcha

I know where I'm going to college...

Well... I think I found the spark. 

Option #711.  The minute I entered that big city... before even seeing the campus... I knew.  It was a good feeling.  I never thought I was a big city girl, but it just made me really super excited.  It showed me that there IS life outside of this small town, and I'm eager to get cultured.

The campus... was... gorgeous.  Absolutely gorgeous.  White/gray brick buildings... not a spot of dirt anywhere.  They definitely spoil their students.  They power-wash the sidewalks when they're not even dirty, and bring up old flowers and plant new when the old weren't even anywhere close to dead.  This sounds excessive, but it shows how much pride they take in their students and their appearance. 

Sure, the weather may get too hot.  And anyone who has gone with me on a long trip knows that I can NOT take heat.  But every building- and every DORM- is air conditioned.  Holy crap... I have not heard of that anywhere else.  The rooms are nicely sized, and premed is emphasized at this school.  They are a research institution and the hospital is right on campus. 

I just can't explain how much I loved everything about my visit.  It is amazing, however, how much #711 is both similar to and different from #1.  Same white buildings, although #711's are prettier because they are more unique.  #1- much emphasis on football, #711- no football team... SONGFEST!  Haha.  Both are very prestigious, but 711 isn't as well known here as #1.  It's ironic- had I not visited #1 in October, I wouldn't have spoken with their premed advisor, and hence I would not have been recommended to check out 711.  And had I not been rejected from #1, I would have never even gave 711 a second glance.  God works in mysterious ways.

Which makes me wonder.  I'm concerned about my faith at 711,  but I think I'll be okay.  I'm in contact w/ their campus ministry, and I'm hoping he gives me a wealth of info.  I drove by their office on the way out, and it's pretty small... but it does exist.  And the chapel is visible.  However, perhaps it's time to challenge myself and pursue my faith when it's not at arm's reach. 

8.5 hours is pretty far... but I think it might be time.  As much as I love what I have here, especially all of my friends... I think it might be time for me to see what's really out there.  And plus, if I need to get back here fast... it's only a plane ride away.  Before I  make my final decision, I will have to make sure I'm ready to leave.  But, I think it's safe to say that my decision has been made.

And finally, the pros and cons:

Pros:

1. Challenging Academics

2. Research institution

3. Beautiful campus

4. Nice sized rooms

5. AIR CONDITIONING

6. Location

7. Good food

8. They spoil their kids

9. Prestige

10 there are BOYS here!  and BOYS can even live in the room next door!  haha!

11  Tons of opportunities (internships, jobs)

12.  Premiere med school and premed program

13 Well-rounded kids

14 I can make my mark here

15 Small enough,  but big enough.  Just right for me.

16. The volunteer programs

17 Deferred rush- I'm not sure whether or not I want to join a sorority,  but whether I do or don't, it doesn't matter

18 High-tech

19 Pretty much the best campus I've seen yet

20 Mini Brown St right outside

21 Everything I could ever want is within my reach

22 Somewhere for me to nurture my faith.

Cons:

1. Distance from home

2. Not Catholic

3. No football team

4. I will really have to work my butt off here.

Hmmm...  I'll let you know what I decide. 

*Edit:  Listen to the song.  It's perfect.  Here are the lyrics.

I'm driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?