:-=+=-:funny pick up lines:-=+=-:

~Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
~Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
~Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.
~Dang girl, you have more curves than a race track.
~I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!
~Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
~If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
~Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.
~Do you have a map? Cos Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.
~Girl, you gotta be tired coz you been runnin through my mind all day.
~Help, somethings wrong with my eyes - I just can't take them off you.
~Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!
~I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
~Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!
~You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life! 
 
:-=+=-:funny put downs:-=+=-:

~You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one...
~Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.
~I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception
~I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...
~Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
~I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
~Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.
~I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!
~You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
~Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.
~You're about as good lookin as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..
~You! Off my planet!
~See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

:-=+=-:funny come backs:-=+=-:

Hey, I may be fat, but you'll always be ugly, and I can diet.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too, if you sit down.
Man: Do you want to dance?
Woman: NO
Man: Sorry, I think you misheard me...I said, You Look fat in those pants.
Little Sister: Your Ugly.
You: And your quite good looking...for a Gorilla, that is...
Do you notice how I've kept my youthful complexion?
Yeah, so I see...all spotty
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You are going to yours, and I'm going to mine.
Man: So, what's your sign?
Woman: No Entry
Man: I know how to please a Woman.
Woman: Well, please leave me alone.
Friend: I've just come back from the Beauticians
You: Pity it was closed...
Man: Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day!
Woman: Go to hell
Friend: I've changed my mind...
You: Excellent, so does the new one work better?
Boss: Employees like that don't grow on trees you know...
You: How true Sir, they normally swing underneath them...
Brother: Why do you smell funny?
You: It's called Soap - don't think you've ever smelt it before...
Man: Hey there, haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: You know, you're dead right...I want you to go away!
Wife: Darling, do you think I'll lose my looks as I get older
You: With luck, yes
Work Colleague: Do you find me entertaining?
You: I reckon you are too dim to entertain a thought
Old Wife: Shall I put the TV on? Old Man: Well it would certainly improve the view in here...
You know, I've been asked to get married over a hundreds times.
Yeah, but your parents don't count...
How many people work in your office?
About half of them
Brother: I love biscuits
You: That's cuz your crackers
You: I reckon you'd make a great exchange student.
Friend: Wow, you really think so?
You: Yes, we might be able to exchange you for someone nice.

:-=+=-:funny weakest link put downs:-=+=-:

~A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
~Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
~He's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
~Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
~One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
~Not the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree
~A donut short of being a cop
~A few feathers short of a whole duck.
~From the British Army? Are you sure you're not from the Salvation Army?
~Which village is missing its idiot?.
~A Titanic intellect ... In a world full of icebergs
~A few clowns short of a circus
~A few beads short in her rosary.
~As a failure, you are a great success.
~You would be out of your depth in a car park puddle.
~As bright as Alaska in December.
~He's several sausages short of a barbecue. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
~He's so dense, light bends around him
~Whose brain will be donated to science and rejected?
~He's a day late and a dollar short.