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| Again, I've been used...Ok well I'm an idiot. Everything she told me was a lie, like everyone else love is just a word. What bullshit! She even told my buddies that she cared about a guy who treated her wrong in like ten different ways that she cared for him more than she could ever care for me. She used me to get a story for church camp, to tell all her little faithful friends that she lost her virginity. She told me that I was good enough for her, and I'm not even by her own admittion. What ####. | | |
| Not again...Yeah...ok. Courtny and I got back together for about two weeks. When the other day, and I knew this was coming when I couldn't get ahold of her for several days (always a sign for me), she calls me and says that she can't lie to her mother anymore, since it is her mom who has the biggest problem with us being together. She left me. I'm kinda trying to numb it, hoping that she'll still want to be with me after a while, that her love for me is as stronmg as mine is for her. Maybe I'm crazy for doing so, but I love her and love is crazy to begin with. | | |
| Why? Why does this shit have to happen? Things were working out for me, getting better... I could believe in myself and in love and hope when I was with her... Damn her mother.... I never did anything wrong but love her and I still do. I always will. I love you, Courtny. New site: Painwithoutyou | | |
| ...Ok once more I know its been a while since I last posted but there has been alot of things going on. Ok now where to start...? Well I guess I could try with love life. My one and true and I are talking about getting back into an intimate relationship so thats all good and happy. Got some other issues though. Doesn't look like either of the two other guys are going to get anythig, they caught Breandon and then let him go and the time for Jimmy to be prosecuted is running short so I may be the only guy who gets anything out of this whole ordeal. With the law in anycase. I'll come up with something to make sure the others pay their dues. Another topic...Well been arguing with my mother a little bit. She says that I need to get my priorities straight when she is barely aware of everything that is going on. She doesn't ask so I don't tell, and even when I do talk about whats going on or start to share my feelings she acts like she isn't interested. I don't know... | | |
| A New life? Ok I know I have alot to answer for and that I've let alot of people down, but I'm willing to fix things. For the first time in my life I'm standing up and taking responsability for my actions. Believe me I wish I didn't but its the right thing to do. Yes I did break into the school and yes I got caught, but I could have fought the hell out of it except that I could never let my father take the fall for something I did. They tried to get him for it, but I wouldn't let them. I've spent the last two months in jail and I've hated every minuet of it, but I can say that it has given me the time to look into my life andsort some things out. I'm no longer an addict, and thats hard to believe, and I tried on my own before I did ask for help but I didn't get it till I went to jail. Now I'm sitting at home wondering how all this has happened in such a short time. But I'm sorry to those of you I let down and I;m sorry for hurting the community. I'm trying to correct my mistake and I hope that it will later be something that I can be respected for, my effort not the action that led me to the effort. | | |
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