| this is precisely why I go away every summer. I'm content you're content everybody is happy. I don't have to deal with this shit. I don't have to constantly think and think and think about how unhappy I am here.
let's stop being friends right now. it's not really worth the time.
sorry I was too boring or some shit.
thanks
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| and all of a sudden the room gets cold
i don't know where i am
i don't know who you are
i don't know what this is
i have never felt more compelled to leave the shitty life i have here today
in exchange for something calmer, something lonelier, something nicer.
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| You don't know this yet but there's a tear in our seams.
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It was the most uplifting, the most exhiliarating thing I have done in a very long time.
It was (dare I say it?) even better than Europe in some ways or another.
Looking into those eyes, seeing those smiles, and hugging their tiny little bodies made me so so happy.
I never felt like I was in a more perfect place. Chasing them around, settling fights, seeing them cry tore a piece of my heart away from me and into their hands.
It was so nice hearing the kids encourage each other and love each other at the same time. It was nice when they even cheered me on through the treacherous obstacle courses. (never....again....)
It was good to hear positive messages instead of the typical negative messages we always here.
I'm just so angry that I came the last day when the kids were all sad.
Even the all of the volunteers were so great, even if i do go to school with half of them. Ha. =)
This is something I could do for a very long time. This is something I want to do.
"Hey, Briana, how are you doing? Why did you draw that face in the 'Today I feel' box?"
"Today is the last day. I'm going to be very lonely in the summer."
Me too.
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| I am tired of talking.
I'm going to write a novel
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| I think what I tend to do often is to let myself slip a little too far. This pompous attitude surges out of me. I think I'm far greater than reality allows. I believe that I'm just amongst the top, when I'm really not. I mean, I know i felt bad about it, but something inside wished that I secretly did spectacular.
But alas, ...okay whatever. I'm not going to dance around. This sucks. I wish it wasn't so hard to be in the top. It doesn't help that someone told me it probably wasn't a good idea to try in the first place. "Uh.. Bonnie I think that maybe you might need to settle somewhere else." Well thanks a lot. I know I do. Maybe if you could atleast know when to fabricate some little white lies I would probably understand the hints you're trying to aim at and be a little less tempted to kick you in the face.
However, I shouldn't lash out at someone else for my own faults (although I still think I should kick you in the face for that other comment you made). and maybe I haven't really voiced my choices enough for people to really take me serious when I say that "this isn't good enough." I probably sound like a such an snobby little kid, but really. come on. stop making it so damn hard to get in. Is it really that necessary to try to weed out more rather than actually taking in?
I hate hate hate summer solely for the fact that I have too much free time to think too much. Thinking is extremely dangerous in my case, for I can never think of many positive thoughts. Other than the fact that Europe awaits me. Or I await Europe rather.
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