Friday, March 21, 2008

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:28:38 GMT

More photos of Abigail. This is her at 2 months (she's 3 months old now; I can't believe it!) and I'm a little slow at posting photos.
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v239/drmadrmwriting/Abigail%202%20months/?action=view&current=14034213.pbw

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 23:52:51 GMT

Abigail Anya Green was born December 20, 2007 at 6:52 p.m, 5 pounds 3 ounces.

My Birthing Adventure (looooooong narrative follows)
On my way to work Dec. 10, 2007, I began to feel intense pain in my back that would rush over to my belly as though I were sick. I thought about how I'd probably eaten something spicy the day before until the rushes of pain became regular - five minutes apart, then three minutes apart. I thought, "Could I be in labor?" At the risk of feeling ridiculous after what I just "knew" would be dismissed by the nurses (I played out every embarrassing, stupid feeling scenario I could imagine would happen upon my arrival at the hospital) and being labeled as a worried first-timer, I tucked my pride away and drove toward the hospital. When I got there, I let the nurses know what I was feeling and they decided to help me get registered in the office before checking me out. I sat there for a good 30 minutes filling out paper, just talking to them and they seemed reluctant to take me back to the triage "rooms." I was pretty embarrassed and began dismissing my feelings saying that they had subsided and I was feeling better. I didn't want to risk looking weak or intolerant of pain (I know I have issues I should work through sometime). The nurse examined me and said, "Uh-oh. You're in labor...4 cm dilated and 100% effaced." Then she called for other nurses and they quickly put in an IV and wheeled me to the ultrasound room. I later found that they had put me on magnesium sulfate to stop contractions and labor. I found this out when my adrenaline ran out and I began to hyperventilate. I'm a wuss when it comes to needles and had been considering going natural because of that. When my brain caught up with the fact that I had a thick needle in my arm, I sort of lost it. Little did I know that this needle would be my constant companion for 10 days!

***

Labor was stopped and I thought that the nurses would monitor me and let me go home. Maybe the doctor would even put me on an oral medication that stops labor. I had only heard of it. Instead I had the laboratory cart visit my room. "I need to draw your blood. We'll be doing that every five hours to make sure there isn't too much magnesium in your blood." Insert big eyes and a little panic here. It wasn't until that evening that the neonatologist and my obstetrician came in to talk to me. I would be staying in that room on bed rest (no bathroom privileges, I had to use a disgusting bedpan) until at least 34 weeks of pregnancy; at least, that was their goal. Keeping the baby in "as long as possible" would give her the best chance at survival they both said. I was 32 weeks and 6 days.

All I could think about was how I could never escape the hospital because I'd be to nervous to take the IV out and run. I thought about how I could hide from the laboratory specialists every five hours or just disobey and walk myself to the bathroom because I was much too modest to use a bedpan! But instead, I sat there and cried.

Throughout the days, friends and family visited me and brought me loads of reading material and puzzle books, making my stay much more tolerable. The remotes for the TVs in the antepartum rooms had been stolen and we all had to share just a couple of them. I had good days where I'd just nap, listen to the baby monitor, read and pray. I figured that I should use the time to grow closer to God. I tried to see the situation in any sort of positive light that I could. The nurses even saw fit to grant me bathroom privileges. A small token I was glad to accept.

Despite my efforts to remain positive, when my second Tuesday came and I was 34 weeks pregnant, I broke when the doctor came in to examine me. He had said that they would try to send me home on an oral medication sometime after 34 weeks if I continued on the path I was traveling. Little did we know that I had been dilating, this time to 6 cm, still at 100% effacement. My doctor sighed and said that there was no way they could let me go home then. I gave him a confused look since the original goal was to keep the baby in until 34 weeks. He said that they'd really wanted to keep the baby in, "as long as possible." I asked what that meant. He said maybe 36 weeks. The thought of two more weeks in that room, with blood tests every five hours (which were getting more and more painful every time as my veins were bruised up and down my forearm) drove me to anger. I cried angry tears and prayed and whined to God a bit. Surely He was in control. Surely He loved me, right? He never gives us more than we can handle, right? Well, I felt like it was my turn to let him know that I was at my limit and could use a little mercy. I know...who am I to ask such a thing? I felt guilty about it too. Thank goodness, God is gracious and loving. I knew He would do what was best, even if that meant granting me patience to endure two more weeks.

Two days later, I was in labor. My prayer that morning was one of excitement and thanksgiving. I felt like He'd heard my cry and took a step in my direction. Little did I know, I'd be praying a lot that night and for the next few days. Prayers that I'd never prayed before.

***

That night Abigail Anya Green was born. She was beautiful and I praised God for my little orange-banana colored buddle of joy. I got to see her before they took her back to the nursery for tests (since she was a preemie), a little incubation, just in case and a bath. I watched the nurses clean up the area and began shaking. The nurse asked me if I felt cold. I nodded and then threw up. That's when they started putting warm blanket after warm blanket on me and started checking my vitals every few minutes. I had lost a lot of blood they said. I found it hard to stay awake and began falling asleep and waking up as Peter kept talking to me. Then I thought to myself, am I dying? While I thought about it, they brought over the necessary forms and I signed them to start my first blood transfusion. Yes, my first. I would eventually have three before I would go home.

My hemoglobin levels were a 5, which Peter later mentioned that the hematologist had offered that his brother died at a 4. My body didn’t accept the blood from the first two transfusions and I spiked a fever. My blood pressure bottomed out at 67/44 and made everyone a little nervous, including me. I began praying for healing.

***

The next day, good news arrived from the nursery. Abigail had done wonderfully on her tests and could come to stay in our room with us and possibly be discharged with me in a couple of days. I much enjoyed her arrival. Peter and I took care of her in our room (with Peter doing most of the walking around because I was on bed rest again), trying to get the little one to eat the amount of food her pediatrician said she needed to rid her body of the jaundice. This is not an uncommon condition many preemies are born with. Unfortunately, the day I was to be discharged, the laboratory came back with her billirubin levels (what causes jaundice) and the doctor told us that she’d have to stay in the nursery for a few days but that we could visit her. There they would feed her through a tube and give her the best chance to get rid of the jaundice.

So I hoped in the shower and thought about how nice it was going to be to finally go home after 12 days in that building. I thought about what I’d write here. How I’d share my story and then I started to feel dizzy and everything dimmed. I called for Peter to come in and help me. He rushed in and helped me to the toilet where I thought I’d sit until the feeling passed. Only it didn’t. I passed a grapefruit-sized clot and passed out.

I woke up with a nurse wiping my face and other nurses looking at me with wide eyes. I began shaking again and falling in and out of consciousness. Peter and the nurses picked me up and took me to bed. He held my hand and started praying. Then, the warm blankets arrived. I watched again as the bloody blankets were changed over and over again. Then they wheeled in the transfusion machine again. I knew what was coming.

One unit later, I spiked a fever again. That’s when the doctors decided to try blood with white blood cells filtered out. It worked! My hemoglobin levels went up to a whopping 7. The medical staff monitored my progress and I was doing really well, so they discharged me.

My 14-day stay was finally over and I could finish recovering at home. It was Christmas Eve. We visited Abigail, I cried a little and we prayed that God would work a miracle with our baby girl. We so desperately wanted to take her home but she just wasn’t eating by bottle and I felt a little hopeless.

One day later, she had turned over a new leaf and was eating the amount she was supposed to from a bottle! The doctor said she could go home the next day. I praised God that morning as I pumped breastmilk and got ready to pick her up. Our baby was finally coming home!

***

There we were, the three of us at home…on the couch. I couldn’t have been happier. God is good (and yes, I know He is all the time, but I felt like He was extra good in that moment).

***

Next morning, I woke up passing more clots and bleeding profusely. Peter called the ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital once more. I sat in an ER bed for most of the morning watching my bedding get changed over and over again and welcoming the warm blankets. I knew the routine. Soon they’d wheel over the transfusion machine and we’d get started. I asked the nurse to call for Peter but he happened to be dropping off Abigail with his parent’s and she came back to let me know he was not in the waiting room. I felt so alone. I felt sick and defeated. I began to pray that God would care for Abigail and Peter and that if it was my time, to take me quickly. I told him how I know I should count all as rubbish in comparison with knowing Him, but begged him to be merciful because I didn’t want to die. I was having a hard time with the whole to die is to gain concept. I told him that and asked for forgiveness. I realized that I was holding on to this life and wasn’t worthy of Jesus then. Then I broke again.

I cried. I cried more than I’d ever cried before and I just talked to God. I waited for His voice…His comfort. Peter walked in minutes later and we cried together. We prayed together. Then my doctor came in and said that I needed surgery (a simple D and C) and of course, another two units in a blood transfusion. I’d never had surgery and this scared me.

We continued praying before surgery and peace came over me. I thank God for it. I knew He was there. I didn’t know what would happen after this procedure, but I knew He was in control and that whatever He willed would be best.

***

My roller coaster weeks at the hospital were tiring and trying, but God is good. I used the time to really examine myself. I’d been reading Luke (still am) to get to know this Jesus I follow. I’ve been a Christian for many years now and love God. But recently I felt distant and not really interested in praying or reading the Bible. Then I heard a sermon about how knowing God should be our delight and I set out to fall in love with Jesus. I supplemented my Bible reading with Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (I recommend it).

After facing death (or at least feeling like I was facing it), I don't think I'm at the point where I feel death would be gain without loss. Maybe that's not the point. I know my gains (eternity with God) would surpass my losses (family)...I know this in my brain and well, I'm still working to know this in my heart. Also, I don't know how God will have me use this experience to bring Him glory, but I'm excited to find out. Here's to living for Him!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 18:02:03 GMT

This is my girlie just in case you haven't seen her yet. I'm past the halfway point for this pregnancy and will post some belly photos soon.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 00:33:35 GMT

You know you're perfect together when:

Happy 2 Year Anniversary, Peter! I love you.....

Spirit West Coast 2007

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 01:14:45 GMT

Photobucket Album

Check out my vacation album!

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 23:10:32 GMT

Photobucket Album

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 23:59:52 GMT

I found my old cassettes from junior high school today at my sister's birthday party. I'm playing them right now. Go figure, the quality is not very good and my choice in music has changed.

As embarrassing as it might be, some of the songs still make me smile and hit the spot. Good music (for some) and the most absurd lyrics (for some). "When the toast is burned / and all the milk has turned / and Captain Crunch is waving farewell / when the big one finds you / may this song remind you / that they don't serve breakfast in hell." -Breakfast by Newsboys. I know...don't tell me, don't mock me...that chorus is just so catchy and the music is pretty pleasing.

Good times really, though I don't think I would let a nonbeliever listen to the songs...they're pretty silly. Here is a list of the cassettes I've been reunited with (no laughing):
Newsboys: Going Public
Newsboys: Take Me To Your Leader
Reality Check: Self-Titled
DC Talk: Jesus Freak (I used to sign my name "Vanessa J.F. Martinez" through junior h.s. and h.s. because of the "Jesus Freak"...)
4 Him: The Message
Steven Curtis Chapman: Signs of Life
Amy Grant: House of Love
Amy Grant: Behind the Love
Jaci Velasquez: Heavenly Place
AND...
Recordings of me (and best friend, Corin) singing songs from those albums. AWESOME!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 23:34:21 GMT

London Reunion in two years. That is what Pepperdine says. Open to all Pepperdine London Programme alumni. Guess that means me. Very excited.

But very sleepy right now and it is 8:33 p.m. It was a long day at work but I got all of the shooting down for my video project. I didn't shoot, I just "directed" and prompted the on-screen stars of Environmental Management. Yes!

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