"It doesn't have to end this way!"

"Trust me, you wouldn't like the alternative much, either. Goodbye, Mussolini."

Aside from planning out how my time travel terrorism will take place, I've been keeping pretty busy. Summer classes started monday, so I got back to Chicago last saturday. My classes are extremely boring, and I'm beginning to get sick of these "intro" classes teaching me stuff I'm already well knowleged in. I'm in Fundamentals of Audio, 3D Modelling 1, and Storyboarding and Animatics. 3D modelling could get interesting later on in the class, when we get in-depth into the programs capabilities, but right now we're learning what the basic tools are and how to use them. I've been mapping environments for games for like 10 years, so I'm good in that department.

Enough bitching about classes, here's the interesting stuff. First off, I've been given the opportunity to apply to write articles for a pretty well-known comedy website. It doesn't pay anything, but if they like my stuff, I think it'd be awesome to finally have my humor go somewhat mainstream. If they don't like it, well, who the fuck cares, I'm not a comedian, I'm just an asshole who's funny from time to time. Whatever happens happens, and like always, I won't get bent out of shape if it doesn't go in my favor.

On another note, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that the job market doesn't want me. 80+ job applications and no job will tell me that, and I can take a hint (usually). So, I've started working on some more traditional art, mainly paintings, with the thought that maybe I can do the freelance artist gig for at least a while. I've got enough connections up here already that I could probably get a gallery show if I produce enough. Anyways, that's what I've been busy doing most the time, I'm working on a 12"x16" painting, and I've got ideas jotted down for like 5 more. My next one though, if I have enough paint in my reserves, is going to be 1.5'x6', and for my own wall. I'm sure you all will see pictures of them soon enough.

On that note, this is my new favorite music video. I think the epicness of what goes on in that video exceeds epicism to a level of awesome that has yet to be defined... If you do not understand what is going on or for some stupid reason don't watch it, Mikhail Gorbachev is clearly slaughtering zombie communists with his axe and laser vision so that twinkies and coke can rain down upon the motherland. Russians are silly.

Are you trying to give false impressions about me, Google?

When they first came out, I asked myself, "Why would people pay money and waste time typing on a god damn telephone to send a message? Clearly a sensible person would realize they could just CALL the person..." and today, my stance hasn't changed much. Of course, this is because messages are saved to the phone, and in my line of work, we need as little of a trail as we can get.

Business aside, however, after a bit of thinking, I realized why texting has taken off like it has. It's because this generation hates to be social. Here's my reasoning. In the past few months, EVERY girl I've exchanged numbers with ALWAYS prefers to communicate in text messages instead of a phone call. This always ends up pissing me off, because a conversation that would take 30 seconds on the phone ends up taking 20 minutes to type out and send.

On the contrary, however, there are times when text messages should be used, and they should be used for awesomeness. There is one text message I have yet to recieve that would make me completely happy for like an entire month. It would read, "The revolution has begun." YES! admit it, just having that on your phone would make you feel like the ultimate badass. My brother and I (Holy shit yes I have a brother) were discussing the awesomeness of this ultimate text message, and we thought up a brilliant idea for executing it.

Our old college has this brilliant emergency system where they can text message the cell phones of all the students at once. See where I'm going with this? They hardly ever use it, but they did once last fall to notify us that some student with a gun was on campus and they didn't know where he was, but we should go to class anyway at risk of being shot so that the college didn't lose any money. Yet another reason, one would assume, that I left that school, but I digress. Anyway, since all the school computers, and I mean ALL, are on a network connected to a single school server, it probably wouldn't be hard to find the program and access it. If we actually cared to do it, I think it would be pretty easy and awesome to send the text message to all the students simultaniously, just to see what happens. Ahh... Hacking...

And we're cool when we smoke them.

Edit: Man, I miss those sunglasses.

Have you ever been stuck waiting for an elevator for 15 minutes because you lived on the 41st floor of a skyscraper, but 3 of the elevators are in matainance mode so only one is running? After about 5 minutes, since you consider yourself pretty in-shape, you consider taking the stairs, but then remember that in an idiotic, and most definately illegal, security measure (most assuredly to protect Americans from terrorism and exercise), the building had locks installed on all the stairwells, causing inevitable death if a fire ever occured. It would have been cool if your building had let you know ahead of time that they would make you late for that job interview that you were really hoping for, but hey, you're used to being screwed over by those student housing bitchwhores, and you'll get your revenge on move-out day (and it was sweet).

I'm sure that situation has happened to all of us. While staring at the glowing button indicating that you pressed "down," and occasionally pressing it every few minutes just to "make sure," A thought occurs to you. "Man," you thoughtfully interject in your mind, "Wouldn't it be cool if this were a firehouse, and I could just grab a pole without the homosexual innuendo and slide down it, again without the homosexual innuendo?" then you add to that thought "Man, fire houses are just full of potential gay jokes..." but that's just your perverted mind wondering.

I know I'm asking the impossible here, even for me, but lets leave all the dirty thoughts out of this paragraph. One must wonder why poles are only considered means of vertical transportation in the case of firemen and, if they're really talented, strippers? I understand that it's pretty hard to go up a pole, so it's more economical to build stairs and elevators, but really, poles don't take up much space, an I can't imagine they cost much. I think we don't give gravity enough credit as it is, and it would take a lot less energy to just use gravity for what it's good for. If we only need to use elevators to go up, then that removes half the population of elevator users, freeing up the elevators to get people to where they're going quicker. Meanwhile, you could get from the top floor to ground floor in literally seconds using a pole. Sure, it's a little more dangerous, but hey, if you let go of the pole, that's your own fault. Plus, damnit, I don't think it's fair that firemen get to monopolize the firepole. Have you ever been on one? They're way more fun than any boring elevator.