you have any experiences that the person in this forever forwarded hilarious writing on the residual effects chili.  I will be writing in the future on Detox / Cleansing and Colon in Crises. 

Chili....Brings a Tear to Your EyeI went grocery shopping recently, while not being altogether sure that said course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "You're definitely going to mess yourself up chili."

Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning. Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not s ure of when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that "Uh oh, gotta go!" pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time.

The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly envelop ed in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move, for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally?

Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor woman, but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course , made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.

Mistake. Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down", if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw, an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly, things were no longer funny.

IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place. Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my butt is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor ole gal walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of "Shock and Awe". she made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "O h My God!", then quickly left. Once finished, I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping, when a store employee approached me and said, "Ma'm, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two, which ought to take care of the problem." That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling her shirt up to cover her nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off, returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. They claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

Examination of the inner parts

By Dr. Deborah L. McFarland

There are 40 scriptures on Bowels in the word. The word bowel can mean intestine or inward parts, feelings of compassion, the seat of the emotions even the violent emotions of passion, anger and love as well as tender ones like kindness, benevolence and compassion; something deep inside; belly, bowels, heart, womb. When I am looking at this I think that the Lord lives in the inner parts of who we are. The word says that from our belly’s shall come rivers of living water. So having free flowing bowels would be quite important. This is where there is absorption of nutrition and a ridding of poisons.

As you will learn with the physical, it is so important to take care of your bowels, inner parts. Just because you see movement does not mean that there is true health.

1John 3:17 But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him? Sounds like constipation to me J blocking the flow of life.

Col 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering.

Remarkably, in a future post I will explain how the bowels actually come from the same tissue as the brain and how they remain connected. Because of this stress can directly affect your bowels. I believe that the emotions and spirit are also directed connected to your bowels. Keep that in mind when reading this assessment.

1. Do you have a family history of polyps or colon cancer? If more than two generations have been affected, at least three members have suffered from the disease, and at least one was under 50, then your risk is increased by 66%. You are high risk and need regular testing. An easy test is called a Guiac Test, checks for blood in your stools. You can purchase this test or one similar in your local drug store/pharmacy. Because your risk for colon disease significantly increases after 50 a colonoscopy should be performed at this age or earlier if there is a history of colon cancer in your family.

2. Do you consume red meat more than 2 times a week? Diets rich in animal fats shoot up your risk of colon cancer: The American Cancer Society recommends limiting red meats and instead choosing 5 servings of fruits and veggies, which are high in anti-oxidants and decrease disease-causing inflammation. Other plant-sourced foods, including whole grains, brown rice, beans, seeds and nuts are great cancer fighters.

3. Do you use tobacco, alcohol or other drugs? Smokers are 30-40% more likely to die of colon cancer than non smokers. Colon cancer has also been linked to alcohol consumption, potentially because alcohol inhibits folic acid consumption.

4. Are you over the age of 50? More than 90% of individuals diagnosed with colorectal cancer are over the age of 50. Much of that is not due to age alone, but decades of constipation and poor diet finally yielding disease.

5. Are you overweight? Overweight always heightens cancer risk, but especially weight that gathers in your waist area (versus your hips and thighs). This fat has been proven to send Chemical signals that trigger inflammation, a known cause of cancer.

6. Do you have diabetes or a sedentary lifestyle? Colon cancer incidence is 50% higher in the diabetic population than in the non-diabetic world – and unfortunately, so is cancer mortality. It is noted that simply walking 20 minutes a day 4 days a week can reduce your risk for degenerative disease by 50%. That is huge. It is time to get walking. In fact, I have a Longest Walker challenge going on right now. Email me at drdeb@wilkshire.net to join us in better health.

7. Do you regularly have constipation or hardening of solid waste in your colon? Infrequent elimination means that the bacteria and toxins in your waste stay in your body longer; with regular constipation, those toxins can be reabsorbed into your body and give rise to gases and unhealthy organisms or parasites. It is a common misconception that just because you have frequent bowel movements that you are not constipated or that you completely eliminate your waste. I thought that and was sadly mistaken. The upper portion of my stomach kept getting bigger and bigger, very hard, not gushy like fat is. I gained 50 pounds all the while asking my medical doctor what was happening. You know what he told me? I ate too much. Hello!?! I had very little appetite and was becoming very sick, sore – achy – swollen joints, increased heart rate, flushed, short of breath, stomach pain all the time. Nothing showed up on the CT scan or colonoscopy. One exam my MD finally said, it feels like there is a lot of stool in here. YAY!!!! FINALLY an answer. No wonder, all the toxins had build up and were having a party in my blood stream and joints. After many detox’s, colon hydrotherapy, cleanses, walking and herbs . I have lost 27 pounds and feel so much better. My problem is actually a spastic colon and not the mysterious “irritable bowel syndrome”.

8. Do you have bloating, gas or excessive fullness after meals? Gas is a strong warning sign that food isn’t being broken down properly, meaning you have inadequate digestive enzymes or insufficient stomach acid. I will go into to this in more detail in the next issue.

9. Do you have pain in the lower esophagus with swallowing? Esophageal spasm or “Achalasia” is typical due to recurrent acid reflux from the stomach. Low digestive enzymes and between meal stomach acidity, as well as poor diet, are leading causes of this disorder.

10. Do you have “Acid Heartburn” feeling in your stomach, with or without meals? This is a sign of stomach lining fragility, typically from persistent acidity in the stomach between meals and is a sign of digestive enzyme deficiency. This imbalance is most often caused by overeating highly processed foods.

11. Does your stool “float” or appear greasy? This indicates a malabsorption of fats. This is a key indicator that the lipase enzymes from the pancreas are not digesting fats well.

12. Does your stool contain large pieces of undigested food? Again, this symptom is consistent with inadequate enzymes (usually those found in fibrous veggies) and from eating too fast. Chew chew chew your food. Many necessary enzymes you need to break down food are located in your saliva. Beside that, how about actually enjoying the feast inside of letting it slide past the taste buds. We do that way too often with the word of God also. It is like Fast Food with no satisfaction.

13. Do you ever have bloody or black colored stool? Either of these is a strong warning of a bleeding ulcer. Bloody stool indicates a duodenal ulcer; black stool indicates a stomach ulcer: in both cases, unhealthy bacteria are typically also present and must be treated. Don’t play around with this issue, please have it checked out.

14. Do you have painful bowel movements (with or without blood)? This may be caused by rectal inflammation (procotitis), a fissure, or external hemorrhoid. Diseased rectal tissue can be very painful and a symptom of colitis and Crohn’s disease. There are nutritional and natural answers to hemorrhoids and Crohns disease. If I don’t address this in the next issue or 2 please remind me at drdeb@wilkshire.net

15. Do you have lower intestinal cramping associated with meals? This common symptom must not be ignored – it indicates irritable bowel syndrome, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, or at least the weakened tissue that makes you susceptible to one of these diseases.

16. Do you get a runny or stuffy nose during or after meals? A classic sign of food allergy. Your runny nose may be an outward sign of what is happening to the tissues inside your body: intestinal lining, like your nasal passages, may be swollen and irritated. Regular inflammation is highly damaging and may prevent the absorption of nutrients.

For every “Yes” answer you provided, your risk for digestive disease (and hence degenerative disease in general) rises. If you have several “yes” answers, you are already showing symptoms of a disorder that may lead to even more serious diseases, including cancer.

Now it is time to learn the Untold Truth and defend yourself against the damage of the digestive system. My next post will be on Colon in Crises with 5 untold truths and what you can easily do to make changes in your health.

Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. I always feel

like you have to pee but most of the time, when I stand at the toilet

I wait and wait and finally nothing comes out.

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy,

you can't even move your bowels anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran,

you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"

"Actually," said the 90-year-old, "Ninety is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"Nope” responded the 90-year old. “Not really. I pee every morning at 6:00 sharp.

I am quite regular. No problem at all in that department."

"Do you have trouble moving your bowels?" asked the 70-year old.

"No, I move ‘em every morning at 6:30 sharp. I am very regular there too."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight.

You pee every morning at 6:00 and move your bowels every morning at 6:30.

So what's so tough about being 90?"

The 90 year old shrugged his weary shoulders and quietly responded:

"The problem is that I don't wake up until 7:00."